The OFFICIAL AIBU buddy bench/naughty bench thread NO 7

[ElmoFan]

Come hither all those who haven't found their place on mumsnet, have scrapped in Aibu or crossed words in chat. The buddy bench shalt not judge.

The buddy bench will hand out wine and cakes, it will join you on your scoffathons getting pissed

All those who sit on the bench, will have their sins erased and be given a warm welcome and cheerful chat from CheerfulYank, gomummy, tiredmum, teaandcake, valiumredhead and far, far too many more to mention.

Welcome to the buddy bench, we look forward to meeting you all

Oh and don't forget, last one to leave polishes bench and locks up!

Hey Valley! :) How are you today?

Hi Valium n cheerful

Hope you are well?

Elmo hope the birthday went well

Where is everyone

Had dinner party Friday night and then other guests arrived Saturday morning to stay with us for the weekend, now cleaning up the aftermath, lol!

I think I have eaten my body weight in appetizers and other unhealthy indulgences. Feeling sluggish.

Hope DS had a great birthday, Elmo!

Hey Gomummy I wondered where you was, sounds like you had a fab time

you and your yummy food, not the cleaning up though, I bet you handled it Monica stylee

I'm good thanks :)

*elmo8 I am sure I remember your ds's last birthday - does that mean I have been here a whole YEAR?????? surely not!

Of corse you have Valium, Jamie will be one in march we are like one big family now

corse stupid autocorrect, course

Whaaaaaaaat? A YEAR?????? How can Jamie be one ALREADY?

I know oh how the time flies, it's crazy, but I love you lot, I don't know what I'd do without you sometimes

Oh God, HOW has it bee a year?????????

Aw tired me too :)

I feel the same. :)

I was so excited when Jamie was born! I told people "my friend's having a baby!" and then had to explain that I hadn't ever actually met you. :o

Haha Cheerful i do that too - Refer to you all as " my friends on mumsnet"

ds had a great birthday thanks for all the lovely wishes xx
He went out on Saturday to the cinema with his friends from school , then on Sunday we had lots of Family over for a big birthday tea :)

Speaking of babies, has anyone done any more tests yet?............

I did do another test a few days back but it was neg although it was a cheap one but mnetters usually swear by them so thought I'd give it a go, still no sign of the monthly monster either iykwim

If they say a 28 day cycle is that from the first or last day of your period

Oh well, I will wait with baited breath and crossed fingers! x

First day.

My mum has texted and asked me over for lunch either Sat or Sun with Kids before they go away for 6 weeks I explained to her last time we met that I needed some space and I found it so stressful seeing them, with their throw away comments/ criticism about my son and my parenting and the cats bum mouths etc. Especially by my Dad. I spend my whole time trying extra hard to make sure the children are "perfect" to avoid all the above, it's exhausting. That's why I suspect on Christmas day I came home to a headache from hell, vision disturbances and nausea. I think it was all brought on by stress and with the nightmare at Pre School I've had and just everything else getting on top of me with people judging/ criticising my son. I cannot face seeing my Mum.

So come on buddy benchers how do I text her back without hurting her? I love her but I just cannot face this weekend. The 45 minute drive over and then spending all my time policing the kids in their 5 bedroom house full of antiques. They also expect my kids to eat a whole variety of things they don't. My marriage broke down when they were 11 months and 2.3 years and they lived on a steady diet of pasta, rice, chicken type dishes and now I am paying for it, but their palates are slowly widening as I now have the energy to try harder with food, than I did back then. But I hate the fight to try and get them to eat what's offered there and when I suggested to mum fish fingers and baked beans she burnt them, last time. All the while the judginess happens.

I would just say something like "oh, thank you for the lovely offer but it just won't be possible this weekend. See you when you get back!"

Could they come to yours for lunch, or could you meet them at a cafe or something? That has kid-friendly food?

The kids would find sitting down for a long period challenging I suspect in a cafe environment. I don't want to see them when they get back either though

I'm just not strong enough to cope with anymore of their comments. I've tried talking to mum before about it. It's gotten to the stage where I'm paranoid that no one likes my son accept me. My dad has shouted at him before "you're just like your dad" when he was cross one day when all DS did was get upset as he wanted a turn with a cousins special toy and they didn't want to share (naturally).

Lovely thing to say to a little boy.

I like him. He's adorable!

You could replace "see you when you get back" with "have a lovely time", maybe?

Oh tea maybe this time you need to be blunt, if you try and be nice about it they may ignore and carrying on acting how they want to.

You should make it clear they are your children they have their own tastes and you do not appreciate being spoken down to, if they agree to your terms at least you can say you gave it one last shot before refusing to see them anymore.

I hope you can sort this out, they need to change their ways and they need to know

It does not sound like a pleasure to be in their company more a chore

and support

I don't know whether my large glass of is anything to do with it or not, but this thread is giving me stitches tonight, especially what Mardy thinks Cheerful looks like.

I laughed so hard! :o

Ha, I describe you all the same way to DH. :) Can I just say you are all so lovely!!!

Maybe it was the but there's no link there Tea!

Are you comfortable with direct conversations with your mum and/or dad?

In terms of responding to her I'd do something like Cheerful has suggested, maybe just "Sorry this weekend doesn't work for us, have a great trip!" But eventually I think you'll have to have the conversation, and better that it is on your terms when you feel ready to take it on directly.

Imo, you need to tell them that it is very stressful to visit with them, and that they need to change their approach in order for you to maintain a relationship. I would tell them that you do not appreciate their judgement of your parenting or your children, and provide several examples of both. This should include both comments as well as things like tutting or body language, etc. As well, they sound like they need to be told that your children are individuals and deserve respect for things like their food choices....but more than anything, YOU deserve respect! You are the parent, and a good one at that, and in order for you to spend time with them, they need to show you the respect you deserve.

But that's just my opinion. :)