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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a bit brideszilla about my bridesmaids choice of hair colour

143 replies

Crazyfatmamma · 07/01/2012 16:39

Hi all I am getting married in April and have been very relaxed about it for the most part, in fact my fiance has taken the reins and organised alot of it so far.
However a close friend who is also one of my bridesmaid has just dyed her hair a very bright and garish shade of green, incidently my bridesmaids dresses are green too and I am unsure if its to take the attention off me on my big day or not. (some of her previous behaviour has been just that)
For her own wedding last year she dyed her hair from bright blue to brown so that her photos would look better and that the first thing people saw was her not her hair (her words!!).

Am I being a complete bridezilla bitch in telling her to tone her hair down a bit and if on the offchance that I am not- what can I say?

Our mutual friends think I should say something but my mum says its her hair and it up to her.
Help please x

OP posts:

TroublesomeEx · 08/01/2012 07:28

It's January now. Will it still be green in April?

When I used to dye my hair bright colours, I wouldn't have it the same colour for that long - I got bored and changed it. Even now, my colour choices are tamer, but I tend to change the colour every couple of months.

Inertia · 08/01/2012 09:24

Green is a primary colour of light, though not of paint.

I'm a bit undecided on this one. On one hand , her hair is part of her and you knew this when you asked her to be bm. On the other, the fact that she openly said that she changed her hair for her own wedding because she didn't want it to be too obvious, but she is deliberately keeping it a glaring colour for yours, suggests that she's doing it with the full intention of trying to upstage you.

If you ask her to change it, would she put on a big hurt and offended act to make you look bad ? If so probably better to just manage the situation - updo and some kind of headwear for bridesmaids, black and white photos, and a word with your photographer to minimise the effect in terms of position and maybe dulling down the colour with photoshop. ( I 'm thinking he could make it look like a faded, unobtrusive green, rather than a totally new colour).

TheQueenOfSparta · 08/01/2012 09:35

Your wedding is in April. We're in January... Plenty of time.

Ifancyashandy · 08/01/2012 09:36

Bridezilla.

You do know it's not possible to upstage the bride, don't you? On account of her being the bride n'all?!

You ask a friend to be your BM because of what she means to you. Not what she looks like, no?

sunnyday123 · 08/01/2012 09:46

not read all thread but i totally agree with you and theres no way i'd let my her be bridesmaid - she's being selfish and proving a point - she didnt do it for her own so explain to her. Your photos will be around for ever and even though you may laugh it off initially i'll annoy you in years to come.

iscream · 08/01/2012 09:52

I think if it matters to you, ask her to change it to a more conservative colour for the wedding. I would have mentioned anything like that before asking any of the women to be in the wedding party, so they could decide if they wanted to go along with your planned wedding party "look".

So, perhaps to soften your words you could say
"I'm really sorry I didn't think to mention this before you agreed to be in the wedding, but could you have your lovely natural hair colour for the wedding? I know it is a lot to ask, but it would mean a lot to me."

OldMumsy · 08/01/2012 10:26

Is she really your friend? This is the question and will give you the answer to the wedding hair issue.

troisgarcons · 08/01/2012 10:28

I've got a brilliant idea.... I have .... honest.

the paintshop thing? well, forget about asking the photographer to mute her hair - ask him to alter one of the group photos and give everyone wildly coloured hair .....OMG it would be like a row of ice cream cones

StealthPenguin · 08/01/2012 10:31

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all!

She likes wacky hair, yet dyes her hair a normal colour for her own wedding. Then for your wedding she waits until she knows the colour of the dress and then dyes her hair to match it?! I'd be a bit . So it's important for her wedding to have nice photos, but not yours?

That, to me, says she doesn't have a very high opinion of your wedding. It also kind of says that she thought her wedding was far more important than any other wedding, especially if it takes place after hers.

I have a sister who is determined to outshine me in every way, but she is so obvious and underhanded about the way she does it that it normally backfires on her. The last time she tried to be "number one" it split the family up and we don't even mention her name in conversation because we've all had enough of her and her "me me me!" attitude!

And even if I were on speaking terms with her, do you think she'd come to my upcoming wedding?! Not a flamin' chance. She'd turn up 8 months pregnant and wearing that godawful black wedding dress from the Hollyoaks advert, complete with dreadlocks, KISS makeup and a packet of fags just so she could cause controversy and make a splash.

I think that if she hasn't changed her hair by April 1st, you tell her that either she dyes her hair a normal colour or she isn't in any pictures taken by the professional photographer. Those are her options, take them or leave them.

bejeezus · 08/01/2012 10:50

I don't think because she toned down her hair for her own wedding means she must be trying to upstate you at all
She was the bride at her own wedding and so she would be the focus, it would be the first thing people notice

But at yours....it probably hadn't occured to het that all eyes won't be on you. She probably has no clue what a huge impact you think it is going to have

It really isn't going to divert attention away from you

MistressFrankly · 08/01/2012 11:24

Oh i had a similar issue years back. I had (and still have) rose/fushia pink hair. A few weeks before DBs wedding i was instructed by his GF to dye it normal as not to ruin the pictures.

I wasnt impressed but so as not to make issues i suggested i step out of some of the pics so she could have some without my hair and DB could have some with me in. Then GF said this was unacceptable as people at the wedding would still see me. I said i would wear a hat but would not dye my hair. I was then told i could only attend if GF chose said hat. And my outfit. I swiftly exited from the conversation before my mouth got carried away.

When DB found out he was livid- i have dyed my hair since i was 16 and whilst he thinks i am a loon, i am his little sister and was not going to be hidden. He insisted i was bridesmaid with hair on full show The argument raged on and on. It dragged up many many issues GF had with our family and everything we did 'wrong' and DB had enough. The wedding never happened and the GF is long gone.

DB credits my pink hair with saving him from the wrong woman

roughtyping · 08/01/2012 11:42

I had pink hair for several years and dyed it back to blonde for my aunt's wedding when I was a bridesmaid. I just didn't want to upset my aunt, wish I could've kept my hair pink!

MistressFrankly · 08/01/2012 11:47

Oh roughtyping you should have gone down the hat route

pictish · 08/01/2012 11:51

Oh God leave her hair alone.
Is she your friend and bridesmaid, or a member of Bridezilla's staff?

roughtyping · 08/01/2012 11:52

I wish I had! To be fair I like my natural colour and would've had to dye it the year after anyway... But I lurved my pink hair!

bottleofbeer · 08/01/2012 12:10

I was a bridesmaid a couple of years ago, I have a tattoo that goes around my wrist. From any distance it looks more like a bracelet than a tatt IE it's not a seriously big thing. Bride asked me to buy a bracelet to cover it for her photos. I duly went shopping but was finding it really hard to find one that stayed put and didn't slide down my wrist thereby making it useless as a cover up and that wasn't a big, chunky bangle. Anything that worked was just too expensive considering the it was a destination wedding and costing a lot of money anyway.

Then we went for her dress fitting and I realised she had a dirty great big tatt covering half of her back and was going to be entirely visible in her dress.

I stopped looking for a bracelet.

confuddledDOTcom · 08/01/2012 13:52

This reminds me of a wedding I went to once. I use crutches because I have long term PGP. I am slightly vain about it and if someone points a camera at me I'll say "Hang on a sec" and put them down. At my own wedding I won't be using them, I'm going to great lengths to not have to use them as we'll have a bit of walking to do.

So a few weeks before the wedding, in hospital having just had my baby, my mum comes in and tells me that I've been asked not to use the crutches at the wedding as they're worried I'll ruin their pictures! I ended up on the day with everyone saying "what have you done to your leg?" and having to remind them all there's nothing wrong with my leg but they know I normally walk with crutches! I was on two official photos in the end, both were of my elbow and bottom. Baby managed to make sure I was busy during all the formal shots (not deliberate but I wasn't going to ignore a screaming baby to pose in wedding pictures).

So my take on this is that if it's not good enough for your own wedding because it will ruin your pictures (just like I feel my crutches will ruin my pictures) then it's not good enough to ruin someone else's wedding pictures. However, if it's such an important part of you that you'd do it at your own wedding (if I couldn't walk any distance without my crutches) then others should accept it is a part of you.

Mrswhiskerson · 08/01/2012 14:57

If she is an attention seeker say nothng at all to anyone let her get on with it.
However f she does regularly have bright colours and she is important to you just accept the fact and have a lovely wedding.
I personally couldn't have gave a fuck what colour hair my bridesmaids had the fact they were there supporting me was what was important.

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