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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a bit brideszilla about my bridesmaids choice of hair colour

143 replies

Crazyfatmamma · 07/01/2012 16:39

Hi all I am getting married in April and have been very relaxed about it for the most part, in fact my fiance has taken the reins and organised alot of it so far.
However a close friend who is also one of my bridesmaid has just dyed her hair a very bright and garish shade of green, incidently my bridesmaids dresses are green too and I am unsure if its to take the attention off me on my big day or not. (some of her previous behaviour has been just that)
For her own wedding last year she dyed her hair from bright blue to brown so that her photos would look better and that the first thing people saw was her not her hair (her words!!).

Am I being a complete bridezilla bitch in telling her to tone her hair down a bit and if on the offchance that I am not- what can I say?

Our mutual friends think I should say something but my mum says its her hair and it up to her.
Help please x

OP posts:

Sheepling · 07/01/2012 16:47

So what possessed you yo ask her to be a bridesmaid if you know she likes her hair to be a tad different and thats not the look you want for your wedding? You cant ask her to change it - if she was overweight, would you ask her to go on a diet? I'm thinking you've made your bed, now you have to lie in it...

LRDtheFeministDragon · 07/01/2012 16:48

(Sorry, funny syntax in my post but hopefully you got the meening.)

rooksby · 07/01/2012 16:48

If her hair is long enough, get her to wear it French plaited to her head at the front, the rest up and stick some sort of headdress on her. That way she can keep her green hair and it won't dominate your photos.

Otherwise, why not have a word with her about it? Green will fade REALLY fast and she'll be more than ready to recolour it by April. Can you work together to choose something you're both happy with? Pink/red/orange would possibly look nice with the dress and wouldn't "jump out" of photos as much as bright green. Or maybe she'd be prepared to break up the bright colour with some black or bleached blonde chunks?

If she's a good friend she'll understand you wanting her to play it down. I have had some "interesting" hair over the years but if I was going to be a bridesmaid I would ask the bride if she wanted me to tone it down for the photos. It's not like you're asking her to wear a bag over her head.

LifeOfKate · 07/01/2012 16:49

Ah, cross posts. Well, I would still leave it to closer to the time, sounds like she's just doing it to piss you off so don't give her the satisfaction. She's probably playing hair colour chicken and will turn up on the morning of the wedding with a perfectly normal colour

troisgarcons · 07/01/2012 16:51

Red? pink? hair .... the dresses are green! She'll look like a giant tulip

cerealqueen · 07/01/2012 16:51

Ask her if it is her intention to look like shrek?

FutureNannyOgg · 07/01/2012 16:52

YABU, she is your friend, not a model hired to make your photos pretty.

Everyone at a wedding knows the bride is the centre of attention, I really don't think she could steal your thunder, even if she was trying to.

jan36 · 07/01/2012 16:53

Have any photos with her in done in black and white?

zest01 · 07/01/2012 16:54

If you really think she would do something like this you upstage you why the hell did you ask her to be your bridesmaid? Surely thats a role reserved for people you have a higher opinion of?

Personally I don't think it matters what colour her hair is and don't think you can insist she changes it but if I really thought someone was trying yo annoy/upstage me they would not be my bridesmaid, simple as.

marriedinwhite · 07/01/2012 16:56

If she dyed her hair back to brown for her own wedding photos I don't see why you can't say "as you dyed your hair brown again for your own wedding for the sake of the photos, I'd really like it if you would do the same for mine. It's fine if you don't want to but if you don't I would prefer you not to be a bridesmaid". You chose her to fulfil the role of a very supportive friend as your bridesmaid. There is nothing supportive about dying her hair green and saying she's keeping it that way for your wedding, especially when she did the reverse for her own wedding.

If she's a true friend, worthy of being your bridesmaid she will understand.

Original poster

Crazyfatmamma · 07/01/2012 16:57

Other than her hair she is a very twee unassuming girl, she is a good friend but the past 6 months or so she has appeared to try and go one better than me- I lose 2 stone she had to lose 3, I have a tattoo- she has one the following week, we get a new car- she does. It not the hair colour itself- its the principle behind it and I know I appear shallow but I am not- my bridesmaids are choosing their own dresses and I wouldnt dream of telling them to lose weight etc.

OP posts:

LydiaWickham · 07/01/2012 16:57

If she announced to all your friends, then can any of them be enlisted to have a word? something along the lines of "as you did your own hair brown for your wedding to make sure the photos didn't look bad, have you only dyed your hair green now so Crazyfatmama's photos look crap compared to yours?" "Oh not, well you do know that's what everyone's saying behind your back? People are taking bets on if CFM will dump you as a bridesmaid or not because you seem to being delibrately rude to her." That way, the message gets across, and you don't have to do it.

Or you could tell her that you've decided that all the photos she will be in will be in black and white so she doesn't look like shrek in a green dress and green hair. Say this in front of other friends, ideally ones who can threaten to call her shrek at the wedding....

Lueji · 07/01/2012 16:58

There's always Photoshop. I bet the photographer can do some great/ funny things (think Warhol).

nancerama · 07/01/2012 16:59

I must confess I got a little bridezillaey fussy about many aspects of my bridesmaids at my wedding. I insisted they all wore the same shoes, and put my foot down when they suggested certain up dos that weren't to my taste. To their credit, they accepted it was my day and went along with everything probably since I was paying for it

In hindsight though, it was a lot of fuss over nothing. I have a photo of me and DH on the wall. Everything else is in an album I rarely look at.

It's one of those things you will definitely look back and laugh at, but in your shoes, I would be stressed about it now.

katkitya · 07/01/2012 17:05

Who has green hair in this day and age? What a rebel!!! Silly woman is making a show of herself.

HowlingBitch · 07/01/2012 17:08

What colour should her hair be then, Kat?

Trills · 07/01/2012 17:09

YABU to have someone as a bridesmaid if you think that they are likely to do something in order to try to take attention away from you.

If you think about her that way then she can't be exactly your closest/best friend.

AThingInYourLife · 07/01/2012 17:14

YABU and a bridezilla.

You asked a friend to do you a good turn, that she accepted does not mean you get to tell her what colour to dye her hair.

She dyes her hair bright colours, you knew that.

Don't mention your shallow vanity to anyone unless you want to look like a petty gobshite and have your wedding be an occasion for bad feeling and acrimony.

This really doesn't matter.

Eglu · 07/01/2012 17:15

I think you need to be as brash as her and say make your hair a normal colour or you are out of the wedding party.

Jasper · 07/01/2012 17:17

Yanbu

AThingInYourLife · 07/01/2012 17:18

Yes, do that if you want to lose her as a friend and make mutual friends think you are a bossy bitch.

Original poster

Crazyfatmamma · 07/01/2012 17:22

My mutual friends have been the ones to suggest this to be honest. I am not a bossy bitch honest!!

OP posts:

Gribble · 07/01/2012 17:26

yanbu to be a bit miffed by it. IMO people who dye their hair primary colours do it to purely as a "im a bit mad me" statement and for attention which is a shitty thing to do on someone elses wedding day.

but tbh people will just be thinking "what a twat" so console yourself with that thought

MaryZed · 07/01/2012 17:26

You aren't getting married until April.

If it is still green at the end of March, worry about it then.

Don't spend the next three months getting your knickers in a twist about this - you will find far more important things go wrong before April .

ReindeerBollocks · 07/01/2012 17:27

A Thing, if the OP only wanted a blonde friend to go brown haired or vice versa I would be willing to agree with you, but I think that the friend hasn't got entirely good/honest intentions about being a bridesmaid, why would she tell people she was having green hair at the wedding if she genuinely colours her hair a lot?

I think she sounds a bit attention seeking and wants the focus on her. I think it would be acceptable in this case to ask for a more sensible colour or remove her from the wedding party. Please do talk to her about it, don't do it by text though.

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