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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit brideszilla about my bridesmaids choice of hair colour

143 replies

Crazyfatmamma · 07/01/2012 16:39

Hi all I am getting married in April and have been very relaxed about it for the most part, in fact my fiance has taken the reins and organised alot of it so far.
However a close friend who is also one of my bridesmaid has just dyed her hair a very bright and garish shade of green, incidently my bridesmaids dresses are green too and I am unsure if its to take the attention off me on my big day or not. (some of her previous behaviour has been just that)
For her own wedding last year she dyed her hair from bright blue to brown so that her photos would look better and that the first thing people saw was her not her hair (her words!!).

Am I being a complete bridezilla bitch in telling her to tone her hair down a bit and if on the offchance that I am not- what can I say?

Our mutual friends think I should say something but my mum says its her hair and it up to her.
Help please x

OP posts:
pigletmania · 07/01/2012 19:33

I think that its very selfish of her considering she dyed her hair brown so she did not look odd in her own wedding photos, she should offer you that same courtesy.

pigletmania · 07/01/2012 19:34

I would tell her so, if she respected you as a friend she would want to make you happy on your day.

WhereYouLeftIt · 07/01/2012 19:58

I'm not sure I would regard someone determined to play oneupmanship against me as someone I would want as a bridesmaid.

The changing her hair back to brown for her own wedding is very telling. I would expect her to do the same for mine, and I would tell her so in no uncertain terms. If she refused, she would not be my bridesmaid. This is not being a bridezilla, it is realising that your friend is not a friend.

mrsjay · 07/01/2012 20:14

I would ask her what colour her hair is going to be at the wedding say it with a giggle not a demonic giggle Grin though she probably will change it for you if not get her a hat I think she should kind of tone it down a little , its only january so dont panic yet ,

Pandemoniaa · 07/01/2012 20:29

I think YABU to get worried about a change of hair colour so many months before your wedding. If you get difficult with her know, she might decide on something even more outrageous on the day.

Also, it really is almost impossible to upstage the bride. Any bride. Unless the upstager plans to attend the event dressed as if she were starring in an episode of My Fat Gypsy Wedding.

Finally, do you want the photographic record of your wedding to be rooted in reality or completely sanitised and artificial? Think photoshoot for a bridal mag here. Only you've chosen someone who has a predilection for wild hair colour to be your bridesmaid so it's rather unrealistic to want her to reinvent herself on your behalf. I expect there will be other people in attendance who fail to achieve perfection too. Do you plan to hand out bags for the putting over their heads or simply divide the photogenic from the unspeakable and leave the latter out of the photos?

chunkythighs · 07/01/2012 20:32

Chill OP I have a most cunning plan........Tell her that her hair is lovely but you'll be Photoshopping her hair to mousey brown as you want people to see you her and not just her hair!

(I was soooo prepared to flame you)

OTheHugeManatee · 07/01/2012 20:43

WTF is with this epidemic of green hair at weddings? Confused

Bunbaker · 07/01/2012 20:46

Let her keep her hair that colour and ask the photographer to Photoshop her hair to a colour of your choice [evil grin]

kickassangel · 07/01/2012 21:17

Ask her straight out - is she planning to have hair that colour for the wedding?
if she says yes, ask her if she minds being side-lined a little so that she doesn't ruin the photos - after all, it was her own behaviour that made you think about this.

It may just be that she thought it would be 'fun' or it could be a nasty jibe at you, talking to her is about the only way to sort it out.

skybluepearl · 07/01/2012 21:22

I'd ask her if she is able to dye hair back for your wedding photos too

mishtake · 07/01/2012 21:27

Does it really matter?
You have asked her to be a bridesmaid because of who she is not what she looks like haven't you?

working9while5 · 07/01/2012 21:32

Oh come off it, the bridesmaid is being unreasonable. She hears that the dresses are green, dyes her hair green (despite having had hers brown for her own wedding and expressly stating that she did so as it would look better in the pictures). Finally, she tells all the OP's friends that she has done so because of the wedding.

How in God's earth is it U to think that maybe, just maybe, this bridesmaid is seeking a wee bit of attention and on the wind-up?

HeadfirstForHalos · 07/01/2012 21:49

Right, it's only January, April is months away (although I'm sure it doesn't seem as long away to you :)), chances are she will change the colour again by then.

I wouldn't ask her to change her hair colour, but seeing as she dyed her hair brunette for her own wedding pics you would not BU to politely ask her if she will be doing the same for yours.

HeadfirstForHalos · 07/01/2012 21:51

"Finally, she tells all the OP's friends that she has done so because of the wedding."

Oops, missed that bit definitely ask her on grounds that she dyed her hair a "normal" colour for her own wedding.

PeppersandEggs · 07/01/2012 22:05

You are a complete Bridezilla and stop putting kisses at the end of posts, hun. Its not Facebook.

KatieScarlett2833 · 07/01/2012 22:20

psst, you do know that your ONE special day is not necessarily the focus of everyones attention 4 months before the event, don't you?

If not, you really should know. No-one other than your immediate family care other than to dread the inevitable cost and hope that they enjoy the party.

runningwilde · 07/01/2012 22:31

I was ready to say yabu, but after reading that she dyed her hair brown foe her own wedding, I think yanbu at all. Tell her that if she wants green hair she can't be a bridesmaid.

thepeoplesprincess · 07/01/2012 23:00

She sounds like a tool. Urgh. Does she wear furry boots and put Barry M glitter on her face as well?

Original poster
Crazyfatmamma · 07/01/2012 23:01

Peppers I could comment on the hun sounding very insincere and false but why would I be so petty!! xxxxx

OP posts:
planetpotty · 07/01/2012 23:27

I'm sure someone else will have said it .... Buy her a hat Wink

lurkinginthebackground · 07/01/2012 23:59

I would go with what Chunkythighs suggests.

bejeezus · 08/01/2012 00:23

Her hair colour will make no difference to your day at all

If she usually has brightly coloured hair and you ask her to dye it moust/blonde, you are essentially saying that her true self is embarrassing to you/not good enough for you. You sound like a fickle friend

bejeezus · 08/01/2012 00:26

And what katie said

HowlingBitch · 08/01/2012 00:38

TBH this thread has been a real eye opener. I have been dying my hair many colours since I was 14 and have never done it for 'attention' I just love changing my hair. It is currently dark red for Christmas but I am planning on bubble gum blue next because my MIL has gotten me a lovely eye shadow that I think would look great with it as a Christmas gift. (She actually agrees btw)

Meh.

ravenAK · 08/01/2012 00:45

Just be totally breezy about it.

If asked: you think it'll look a bit crap, because greens are hard to match, green hair dye fades badly & needs re-doing a lot. If it doesn't match it'll look silly, whereas if she does somehow manage a perfect match with her frock on the day, well, that'll look even more ridiculous.

But hey, she's your mate, you didn't choose her as BM for her dress sense tolerant eye roll at this point.

If she's doing it to wind you up - it isn't, so she'll get the message that she's going to look a bit of a tit, probably not feature prominently in the photos, & she's generally being tiresome.

If she isn't - well, it's 3 months away. She'll have got bored with it & dyed it leopardskin purple by then!

Definitely not worth a Bridezilla, because no-one else will care. Worst case, she has green hair on the day, it loks a bit silly, & there'll be half a dozen photos knocking about in an album somewhere that your grandchildren will eventually get to giggle over!