Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that the SAHP might be able to do a little house work?

146 replies

entropyglitter · 04/01/2012 17:23

taking a break from hoovering...

So hands up who thinks it is plausible that the SAHP of a high maintenance 7 mo finds it totally impossible to fit in hoovering, washing up or anything except putting the washing machine on?

OP posts:
Original poster
entropyglitter · 04/01/2012 17:41

lol at health hazard concept...I only tidy up/hoover clean bathroom etc. when we have grand parents impending...which seems to be about once every 3 weeks atm, which is just about frequent enough to prevent serious danger to health....

massive lol at ironing....happily I work somewhere where it is totally accepted (if not acceptable) that people will walk around partially dressed in crumpled mismatched clothing...

OP posts:
DaftDog · 04/01/2012 17:42

I alwasy thought, do i want to be one of those partners (I am a man) who nags their wife about the state of the house? or do I want a partner who is happy just looking after the babies and children and we would both clean up together of a weekend etc and work like that. I chose the latter and she divorced me :o

Original poster
entropyglitter · 04/01/2012 17:43

I do the cooking and washing up and cleaning the floor after baby led weaning catastrophes...so that isnt too dangerous at least...

OP posts:
DaftDog · 04/01/2012 17:43

anywa, i don't think you should nag him if he and the 7mo are happy and things are okay on that front. No-one wants to be nagged about the state of their home

LineRunner · 04/01/2012 17:43

OP, doing the laundry means collecting it, washing it, drying it, ironing/folding/hanging it, and putting it away.

Not just pressing a button.

If he just pushing a button, so to speak, then that's not doing the laundry.

I guess he takes your DD loads of places and plays with her? When my DC1 was that age I took her out every afternoon to the lake in the park for a 'picnic'. She was just starting to crawl and there were people and animals and it was great. My (Ex)H would probably rather I'd been scrubbing out the cupboards, but hey ho.

I did cook, though. It's easy to make meals when you have your DC in the same room, in a play pen or travel cot for safety if needs be. You can chat and sing and occupy them like that.

Original poster
entropyglitter · 04/01/2012 17:44

ouch daftdog

OP posts:
NinkyNonker · 04/01/2012 17:44

Dd was easy to shower with when she was bigger and able to come in with me.

Is your dd mobile? That can make a difference. Some don't like being left alone, and that's ok while they are babies in my opinion. Does she nap? Dd was never a napper (light sleeper like me, 30 mins max with no noise) but now she will sleep up to 2 hrs once a day and the difference to my day is amazing. She is still a light sleeper though so can't do anything noisy.

Depends how you feel about crying. Yes, he could prob leave her while he does other stuff and just leave her to it if she cried. I/we wouldn't do that, so sometimes it was hard getting stuff done.

coppertop · 04/01/2012 17:44

Depends on the baby - how much sleep they get, how clingy they are, how mobile they are.

Depends on the home: how easy is it to take baby from one room to another and keep them safe there.

Depends on what else is going on in their life.

So if you're lucky enough to have a non-clingy baby who's not particularly mobile, who doesn't freak out at the hoover, and you live in a flat or fully stairgated house then it's not all that plausible.

If you have a clingy baby who wants to be held all the time, or who can't be either safely left alone or be kept safe in whichever room you need to work in, then it's entirely plausible.

larrygrylls · 04/01/2012 17:46

What makes the 7 month old "high maintenance"? Unless there is a very specific problem, there clearly is time for housework. Otherwise, how would anyone find time for second or third children.

On the other hand, cleaners are the answer, if you can afford them.

coppertop · 04/01/2012 17:47

cross-posted.

Even my dd2 (so far the easiest in terms of sleep, non-clinginess etc) would not have been happy to be left alone for 10 minutes at a time when awake.

Original poster
entropyglitter · 04/01/2012 17:47

nah no nagging I agree...just wondered if it is really as difficult as all that....DD does have around 4, 45 min naps a day but I guess that time is used for eating, drinking and erm depositing etc.

laundry seems to self-assemble into piles which DH puts into the machine with a washing tablet. They then go into a laundry basket from which they are usually worn....I am still grateful though as I have never learnt to read the washing runes....

ah well back to it...there will be hell to pay if I dont finish hoovering before DD returns (by which I mean she will yell or it wont get done and I will die from shame when the inlaws appear).

OP posts:
Original poster
entropyglitter · 04/01/2012 17:49

well my sisters baby would play for around 45 mins by himself at this age...and sleep for good 2 hour naps. that is low maintenance. our baby sleeps 45 min naps (which I think is medium maintenance) but wont really play by herself at all (which is high).

OP posts:
Original poster
entropyglitter · 04/01/2012 17:50

cant afford a cleaners....probably coz I work somewhere that doesnt care how you dress :)

OP posts:
sunshineoutdoors · 04/01/2012 17:50

I've found it hard today, also as well as getting household chores done, if the only time I'm paying attention to dd (5 months) is because she's grizzly, needs feeding etc then I feel bad. So I try to get out of the house and do something with her as well (swimming today). I then feel bad as it looks like I've just swanned off swimming instead of doing housework.

I have managed to do a load of washing, shower and start chopping veg for evening meal though, and this hasn't been a very productive day.

jellybeans · 04/01/2012 17:52

I rarely did housework with DS3 as he was extreme reflux for the first 2 years and constant stress with the severe choking and medicines/feeding issues. But now he is 3 and alot better, I do most the housework. DH does muck in when he is off and he has the kids while I study and shares school runs etc when he is in. I have 5DC and it really does depend on the child as to how much you can get done. Bare minimum is OK with a pre schooler I think.

Oakmaiden · 04/01/2012 18:01

Hmm... I am wondering, now, why you seem to think your husband is being lazy by not doing the housework whilst he is at home looking after your baby, but then you say if you don't get the housework done whilst your daughter is out then you won't be able to get it done?

Have you not just answered the question for yourself? Or am I being obtuse?

LovesBloominChristmas · 04/01/2012 18:04

Knew it was cause you didn't think tge one staying at home was doing enough.

LittleWaveyLines · 04/01/2012 18:08

Well I have a high maintenance 6 month old who generally wants to be held ALL THE TIME, will only nap with/on me for about 30mins maximum, and is happy on her own under the baby gym for about 5 minutes maximum unless I lie there with here Hmm

However, she goes in a front carry sling so I manage to mostly cook, clean a bit and do all laundry. Don't wash up as can't lean over her to get to the sink. Cooking depends on whether she is happy in her bouncy chair for 5 minute intervals...
Vacuuming or mopping are a bit hit and miss as I cant easily shift furniture to do underneath while she is in her sling, or shake big heavy rugs out.

So, if he can't cope, get a good sling for him to use, but don't expect everything to be done!

howlongwilltheynap · 04/01/2012 18:11

DS1 was a high maintenance 7mo and I struggled to do the basics - he had separation anxiety already so I couldn't leave the room, his naps were either in the buggy (long long walks) or on me, and he was a nightmare at night and so I was shattered. But close to 8m it suddenly got easier, mainly cos he started to sleep through so I had the energy to sort out his naps in his cot.

DS2 is currently 7mo and I get loads more done, even with a 2.3yo too. That is partly because DS2 is much easier baby (naps well usually) but also because if I am in the kitchen washing up he is watching DS1's antics and so doesn't need me holding/amusing him. However he cannot amuse himself for 10 mins withiout DS1 around, I would guess 4 mins max.

callmemrs · 04/01/2012 18:13

Yes. A SAHP should certainly manage to do the basics. You can sit the baby in a baby seat or wear it in a sling if necessary while doing certain jobs. If you literally can't manage any housework while being at home with one baby , god help you when you have another or get a job, as you'll be juggling far more then!

FrostyTheCrunchyFrog · 04/01/2012 18:15

Buy him a sling.

McHappyPants2012 · 04/01/2012 18:20

when my DH was a sahd, i cam home to the flat spotless and a happy 7 month old.

he said it would take an hour to do the basics, i still done my share by doing the kitchen after tea

NinkyNonker · 04/01/2012 18:20

Littlewavylines, sounds like you have my daughter as she was about 10 months ago!

I second a sling, dd hated bouncy chairs.

OriginalJamie · 04/01/2012 18:22

I used to swear by a travel cot, used as a playpen. But if you have a baby that cries when left alone and you are of an anxious disposition, then I can see how stuff doesn't get done. I draw the line at not having a shower though.

I think that if your DH is nervous, he needs to be given permission to ignore the baby sometimes. God know, when you have more than one, that happens.

Did he used to do housework before?

NinkyNonker · 04/01/2012 18:22

Oh, and learn to back carry with a good wrap sling LWL, being able to 'wrap' well saved my sanity.

Swipe left for the next trending thread