my bfs other baby mommy

[Nicc21]

Please does it make me a bad person because i dont want mine and my boyfriends hard earned money to go to a woman that has kids for fun and borderline neglects her children???

You must have a lot of children and very high childcare costs then trois because I'm a LP of 3 DC and get can tell you that I don't get anywhere near £33k in Tax Credits .

If it seems such an attractive option why don't you lose the suppport and help of your DCs father and give it a go on your own. It's a fucking walk in the park believe me.

I just did the directgov calculator as well, if I could get 16 hours in my current just above min wage job, my total income including wages would be a princely £12.5K p a.

pmsl @ the idea of getting £33k a year - as an actual LP with 3 children aged 9,7 and 3 I can tell you I don't even get third of that - and my childcare bill is around £120 a week - also I have a mortgage - it makes no difference what so ever to TC so not sure wht you where calculating!

I don't believe for one moment that the OP's bf's child is on the at risk reg - she was just drip feeding bollox to try and get sympathy

Yes SS work hard to keep families together but not the same if he would be going to another parent. Clearly they op and her bf aren't concerned enough to do this so guess its a moot point really

OP and her boyfriend should maybe seek full time custody of his son, if you think he is neglected. You would not need to part with any cash to her then.

trois, that sum will be based until April, so yes it may well be that from now, if you started claiming, you'd 'rake it in' But come April, that money would have to be spread from April to April, rather than just Jan to April. I cannot believe some of these myths prevail, I really can't. Anyone who appears to be living the life of riley on benefits is either topping it up somewhere else or is riddled with debt.

It's your boyfriend's money, isn't it, not yours that goes to his DC? It's his duty to support his child.

If you are worried about the child being neglected, that is another issue.

If you choose to get involved with a man who already has a child then you have to realise that child will always be part of your life and your partner will have to pay towards that child's upbringing.

OP is your boyfriend sure he is the father ? If she is picking up loads of men for sex as you say how can he be sure it's his child ? Was there a DNA test done ?

Perhaps he should go through the CSA as well as the courts for custody ?

oh bullshit I don't believe for a moment a LP would get #33K

You've either put in the wrong data or are miscalculating the payment - is all of that state benefit, or is some of it earned income?

Because if you're right, I'm resigning and buying a house with a drive.

Am also slightly horrified at the implication that the stepmothers on MN would give the OP's misogynist bitching about the mother and suggestion that the solution would be for the father to financially abuse the child, a validation.

I really hope not.

And FWIW, she hasnt been in Step Parenting. I checked.

basil I suggest you read the actual advice being given by SPs on this thread, none of which suggests they stop paying and which would give you an idea of the sort of helpful advice OP would receive.

Bandying about the term misogynist devalues it when it is used for someone who truly is.

cats OP has been in SP, so I think you are wrong there, she may you know - actually have a life/job/be busy and not have been back yet?? Just a thought.

I stand corrected! And a very reasonable, well thought out post it was. Maybe if any of her posts on this thread were anywhere like as sensitive as her SP post, she would have been cut a lot more slack! Instead of carrying on in the same vein and making herself more and more twattish as the thread went on!

When i was newly widowed with 3 children (i had given up work to look after my mis-diagnosed DH), i was in reciept of around 12K a year. I went back to work and received around 16k, with top-up benefits. I couldn't work full time because of my SN youngest and them all grieving.

I carry out benefit checks as part of my voluntary job, very few people are on the incomes that are claimed on here. Those that are, are the lucky few who get regular maintainance.

The 'at risk' reister no longer exsists, the child might be on a Child Protection plan, that would include both parents, though.

Troi- you never actually get what the on-line calculater says. We never go by that in work, we get the 'Z book' out and do it ourselves. We also have the same package the job centre has, but that calculates over, as well.

cats it's generally considered by the SP posters that posting anywhere else on Mumsnet about SP is a waste of time - because your words get so twisted - you end up not even knowing what you are trying to say yourself.

And AIBU is a baptism of fire .

There's no point moaning about it now MJ, you should have considered that before you chose a man who already had children

Pmpl @ worms

Well I'd be irritated and resent that I had to work and the stepchild's mother didn't. Doesn't mean I think the father should stop paying; not by any means; but it would piss me off to think that my partner and I were like ships in the night whilst the stepchild's mother got to live it up in Blackpool or wherever it was.

I'm also pretty judgemental about a woman on benefits having four children in a short period with four different men (the same would apply to a man btw); that kind of thing doesn't generally smack of stability.

If his child is being neglected then your boyfriend needs to apply for residency OP, as has been posted repeatedly here.

by this thread. Just because she has different children by different men you bf has different children by differnet women!!!

however she gets pregnant and lives her life is nothing to do with you. If it effects your BF's DS then it has something to do with him but not you.

Isn't a child being on the "at risk" register not give your BF grounds to apply for custody? £200 a month is pitance!!! I get £70 a week for DS plus half of christmas present money. Also buying nappies, clothes etc is not paying maintenance!! Maintenance is to cover the cost of bringing up a child so utilities, rent/mortgage clothing and all the extras including days out and the "Can I have's" as I like to call them.

She doesn't have to justify to you what she spends it on. If your BF has a problem he will have to see a solicitor it is as simple as that but really he probably likes a good moan but can't be bothered to pay out more money to pay for the solicitor!!!

You must have a lot of children and very high childcare costs then trois because I'm a LP of 3 DC and get can tell you that I don't get anywhere near £33k in Tax Credits

3 kids - 16,15, and 11.
£60 a week childcare.

Pump it into the site yourself.

www.direct.gov.uk/en/Diol1/DoItOnline/DoItOnlineByCategory/DG_172666

just do it - we've all had a go at work this morning

Yes, YABU. You're also an utter knob and hilariously idiotic (having kids 'for fun'- if you mean the actual childbirth bit, you're delusional; if not, what are the OMGSRS reasons that are ok to have children for other than because you enjoy them i.e. 'for fun'). Of course he should support HIS child. If you can't deal with this, don't get into relationships with men who already have children. Especially if you're 17 years old, which is what it sounds like.

What kind of strange mathematical system allows 52*£60 to come to £33k? Did you forget to divide by 10 somewhere or something?

Trois- the amount that you are quoting must include maintainance, not just tax credits, you won't get 33k in tax credits for 3 children. You get 8k in child tax credits and then a top-up to any low wages, but if you are unemployed you just get 8k plus income support.