my bfs other baby mommy

[Nicc21]

Please does it make me a bad person because i dont want mine and my boyfriends hard earned money to go to a woman that has kids for fun and borderline neglects her children???

OP- if you are finding it that tough, i would get a benefits check, yourself.

Any money paid is to benefit the child, if that isn't happening then stay in regular contact with her SW. I am surprised at you using 'the at risk register' as the CP plan should have been discussed with you DP.

For those that are saying the neglect has nothing to do with the OP, then it does, as this is her DD's half sibling and a child in the OP's family. She can comment on the ex's behaviour, if it impacts on this child.

wow well I must be being seriously underpaid with 3 under 10, £120 a week childcare and an income of £17k - I get less than £12k a year - maybe because that is actual fact rather than a guestimate on the DG website?

trois are you inputting the cost of an interest-only mortgage? An expensive mortgage might bump the figures up but I think the help you get for that is a percentage and time-limited anyway.

If so, you will have an asset in later life and equity to fall back on should prices rise so hardly the same as someone in possibly overcrowded and badly-insulated and maybe damp rented accommodation.

Now go and do some work instead of mucking about on Mumsnet and benefits calculators

It sounds to me like YABVU. I would have thought that if the child is being neglected, you and your partner would be moving heaven and earth to get custody. Would you still be bothered about the money if XP was the perfect parent?

Actually MJ the OP's bitching about the mother is misogynistic; she's going on about having children with different fathers as that's a misogynist sneer about women who do actually have children by different fathers and she's expecting mumsnetters to buy into that misogynist crap.

Pretending that there is no misogynistic content to her posts, doesn't mean that it's not there.

And you did imply htat her Jeremy Kyle-esque bitching would be validated on the SM board. I presume your post implies that it wouldn't be after all.

this OP certainly hates this woman, and she is trying to make us hate her too

that's a fair dollop of misogyny, right there

From the Oxford Dictionary - note the use of "women" in the plural. The OP is posting her opinion of the behaviour of one individual woman - who the OP has opinions on.

noun
a man who hates women:
a bachelor and renowned misogynist
adjective
having or showing a hatred of women:
a misogynist attitude

Fwiw - I don't hate DHs ex - she isn't worth the head space.

Doesn't mean I don't think she isn't an emotionally abusive, blood sucking vampire with Borderline Personality Disorder. That's my opinion of her based on extensive experience of her, her treatment of her own children, DH and her attitude to my babies.

Disliking her doesn't make me a misogynist, anymore than disliking her dps ex makes the OP one.

It's a term that is bandied about far too easily and belittles it's true meaning.

And with that my husband has just arrived home early as a surprise so my day of mumsnetting while dcs destroy the house playing with the children, is ended :)

can't you go on MN when your husband is home ?

""""Well, just to set the cat amongst the pigeons, because I can - I've just used directgov benefit calculator. Assuming I am an LP but using all other truthful data: child ages, my salary, associated childcare costs and declaring I have a mortgage (not rent)..... and I would get the magnificent sum of £649 pw from the state under the guise of tax credits - that equates to £33.7Kpa -all tax free if I were a LP. That would be on top of salary, which is better than national average.

Now I know why people don't work and keep chucking out kids. They're a lucrative little money earner in some quarters.

I can see why the OP feels she is working to keep someone elses child because I bet the tax credits don't reduce because of maint payments."""

£649 per week?? Child tax credits?
You'd need to have 13 kids to get that amount, love

Perhaps she wants to spend time with him?

She is tapping into a misogynist steretype in the knowledge that it will be picked up and run with by most people in society and therefore presumably, by most people on MN. Tapping into that hleps "other" that woman and gains support for her POV by marshalling misogynist sentiment.

You can ignore it if you want. I don't want to though, I think it's important to point at misogyny when you see it.

Of course I can - but I'd rather sit down and have a bottle of wine and nibbles with DH - Mumsnet is lovely - but it not DH is it - it's just a diversion from having no adult company.

You get around £50 a child tax credits if you're unemployed, you get a hell of a lot more if you're working,
so how on earth would ditching your job help?

I agree, MJ. Misogynist is overused in my opinion.

Besides, who would like a partner's ex (male or female) who apparently neglects their children, the children they seemingly produce willy nilly? Particularly if they pissed around whilst you went out to work

well, thank goodness for that

it gives me the collywobbles when women have to suddenly dash off because the man is home

Can someone post a link to that benefits site please?

|Am seriously thinking of giving up my job and going on benefits and tax credits in view of this. Had on idea I'd get all this money, I'm not getting that atm.

I guess whether or not you view this OP's attitude as being derogatory of women, or not, depends on how wide a lens you look through

We have two children aged 4 and 8, no childcare costs. CTC is £90 pw, with one parent working f/t on minimum wage. WTC is £40 p/w. We get £130 p/w.

Although they actually owe us money for once, normally they miscalculate and we end up owing them a fortune. This time they suddenly decided that DH was no longer entitled to the disability element of WTC. After arguing this point for a year and then giving up, they've now changed their minds and conceded that suffering from epilepsy does indeed constitute "Suffering seizures and/or loss of consciousness" and it is indeed a condition that would "Limit work opportunities" The two things they told us we didn't qualify on when they took it away

Our payments will go up by another £40 or so p/w once they reinstate that and they owe us around £3k, although to be honest, I think DH would rather not have the seizures, loss of consciousness and limited work opportunities and give up the money.

I could believe that you might get somewhere near £600 p/w WTC and CTC if you had three children and applied now, but that's because it should have been spread out over the year, not Jan to April.

£649 p/w from now until April equals around £10k per year in Tax credits which seems about right to me.

What do you mean by a wide lens, AF?

(That's an actual question btw, I'm not trying to be confrontational).

I am sure you may think she is a bad mother or rather it seems like sour grapes on your part

Nic21 you treat the child like your own aprt from wanting to financially support the child

God you sound just like my exs girlfriend she calls me the babymother just like a Chav

And FYI £200 to look after a child is not a lot
Dinner money alone is £10. Week that's £40 a month just on school dinners also it cost me a futher £20 a week in a weekly bus pass to my my child to school that's another £80 factor in after school clubs and food not much change he is making a saving if they were living together he would be paying more that £200 a month

Shame on you

If any body really thinks it costs £200 a month to care for a child your either a freegan or a loon

Haven't read all the posts but personally, I think you and your partner need to be complimented. Your partner has faced up to his responsibilities and the sum of £200 per month is a fair amount. You both have the boy at weekends and treat him well and he is treated by you as if he were your son. Your partner needs to keep paying maintenance and you both need to continue providing a loving environment at the weekends, taking care not to 'bad mouth' his mum while he is with you. If social services are already involved you might want to highlight your concerns directly with them (and in strict confidence).

the difference between what you are putting in to the calculator and the ops dps exp is child care costs. and so that is covered under working tax credit not child tax credits. If you do not work you do not get working tax credit.

have another go as a sigle lone non working parent it will not be 33k, benifits seem to cap at 12k regardles of situation when not working.