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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be freaked out by "Pre Baby -Bubble" couples?

106 replies

mamabellasworld · 02/01/2012 17:44

Maybe I am one frustrated, sleep deprived mum, but still: Lately I have found myself getting really upset with couples (family as well as friends) who are yet to have kids (some of the are expecting). I love DD beyond words, but there are a couple of things I wish someone had told my before I had a child. Like just how much nothing would be the same and to which extent haveing a baby is a life changing experience.
Anyway, I realized I can hardly keep quiet these days when I hear smug couples talk about how their child will never do all these annoying things like cry too much, keep them awake at night or spit on their favourite item of clothing. How they will be super organised and still manage to have several nights out as a couple per week, still look fabulous, never get stressed, never dispute about child minding or household duties.
I just feel like saying: "Just you wait" but I feel that would make me look like I want to burst their comfy bubble. Well, maybe I do...:)
Am I just being mean or is there such a thing as an annoying pre baby- bubble friend/relative/couple?

OP posts:

NearlyMrsCustardsHardHat · 02/01/2012 17:46

It gets easier :)

WorraLiberty · 02/01/2012 17:47

Haha there's only one type of couple worse than that and that's the type of couple who actually do breeze into parenthood in just the way you describe.

They have just the one child and spend the rest of their life thinking they're some sort of super parent...and you spend the rest of your life feeling annoyed they didn't have another couple of kids to prove you wrong

Nagoo · 02/01/2012 17:48

he he it's a long game, this one

fuzzpig · 02/01/2012 17:49

They will learn :o

CailinDana · 02/01/2012 17:49

They'll get their comeuppance. To be honest people like this don't really annoy me, I just feel sorry for them because I know they'll probably struggle if and when they do have a baby and they won't enjoy it as much as they could. How old is your baby mama? Do you have much support? It sounds as though you're worn out at the moment.

OlympicEater · 02/01/2012 17:50

Wait and laugh in a couple of years time

lubeybooby · 02/01/2012 17:50

There's no point,

I remember my pre baby bubble, and nothing anyone said would have snapped me out of it. I'd have just silently smugged to myself 'yeah right, but I'll be better than you so no worries here'

The only thing that burst my bubble was the actual reality :o

HidingInTheUndergrowth · 02/01/2012 17:53

Yes, I am sure there is such a thing as annoying pre-baby couples but there is also such a thing as annoying post-baby couples who as soon as you get pregnant spend their time rolling their eyes and saying things like 'you just wait, you don't know what you've let yourself in for' whenever you dare to say anything at all about your pregnancy or coming child or even happen to look at all pregnant in their line of sight.

I'm 30 weeks pregnant and getting really fed up of parents telling me how awful it's going to be. It's a bit late to change my mind now and it would be nice if I could be allowed to maintain at least a small amount of naive hopefulness about the whole thing.

TooImmatureTurtleDoves · 02/01/2012 17:56

Everyone I know has told me my life will never be the same again and that it's a total shock to the system. Did you not get that when you were pg? I am yet to find out just how life-changing we're talking (27 weeks pg) - I think it's just one of those things you can't imagine up front.

I don't know if I'm in the bubble or not! I can't tell. I'll come back and let you know in about 13 weeks.

SiamoNellaMerda · 02/01/2012 17:56

I remember telling someone in a rather horrible smug way that 'my baby wouldn't be any trouble, he'd surely sleep all day and my life wouldn't change'. The very wise older woman just smiled and gave a nod. 21 years later I still think of her and kind of wish she'd slapped me!

elliejjtiny · 02/01/2012 17:57

They'll learn. But then you can't say I told you so because it's mean . The thing that gets me most is when people say they will express so their partner can do all the night feeds. Um no, it will probably take hours to produce a measly 2oz and my dh has never done a nigh feed in his life.

TooImmatureTurtleDoves · 02/01/2012 17:58

Hiding, yes, that's it! Everyone doing the Smug Veteran Parent thing accompanied by eye-rolling. Or the new father I work with who is constantly telling me how knackered he is and how he fantasises about killing his wife and child and running away to a country without an extradition law.

CailinDana · 02/01/2012 17:58

Hiding, I know that must be annoying. I don't know if it's an reassurance but I've had a great time with my DS for the past year. I know it might get harder as he gets older but I certainly didn't find the early baby phase that difficult. Yes things do change a lot but it needn't be horrible. I think the OP is talking more about couples who are smug about it all and believe they're going to be the best parents in the world. They're the ones who are in for a big letdown. If you're realistic then hopefully you should be fine. Good luck with your baby!

EssentialFattyAcid · 02/01/2012 17:58

All you need to do is to take a short film of the couple talking about how life will be for them as parents.

Watch it together when the child is one, it will be hilarious for all of you!

ballstoit · 02/01/2012 17:59

No point telling them, they won't believe you anyway. Just sit back and wait for reality to unfold

Meglet · 02/01/2012 18:00

I do chuckle at pre-baby couples who shop for fancy stuff. I have to zip it and not mention that it'll all get sicked or poo-ed on.

Although I did mention to a friend that her cream carpet was (as she was starting to suspect and regret) not a good choice.

PatTheHammer · 02/01/2012 18:01

Just humour them, nod and smirk in a knowing fashion.

Then nobody can ever accuse you of not telling them how hard it would be!

anonacfr · 02/01/2012 18:03

I remember doing the hospital tour before DC2 was born. I was 8 months pregnant and running after a loud and disruptive toddler.

The group was full of firstborn parents with the mothers to be being supremely irritating doing the stroking the stomach thing with a blissful, I've-just-created-Life-it's-a-bloody-miracle-behold-me (read any Marion Cottillard interviews about being a mother and you'll know what I mean) and the fathers to be looking all proud and nervous.

I thought it was pretty funny until we got to the talk part of the tour. At which point all the dads sat down next to their partners and left me and equally pregnant Aussie girl with an equally fidgety toddler standing like muppets.

Arseholes. I wished them all colicky babies...

gastrognome · 02/01/2012 18:05

I get where you are coming from, but agree with HidingIntheUndergrowth that the awful "just you wait" comments from those with children are pretty annoying too.
I always remember one colleague (father of two) in particular. When I, at 30 weeks pregnant, recommended a book to him, he shrieked at me "books? I haven't read a book in years! I have children! Just you wait and see!"
I now have two kids and get through a couple of dozen books a year.

Xmasbaby11 · 02/01/2012 18:07

Well there's a fine line between being positive and looking forward to the experience, and being negative and dreading it. I'm not sure how much point there is in couples having a realistic idea of how hard it is because a. you can't 'know' until you experience it, and b. there's nothing you can do about it, so why stress! As long as couples aren't making v unrealistic plans based on these expectations, I can't see the harm in it. There are enough killjoys out there - I'm sure they have heard more than enough negativity and have decided to be optimistic.

catgirl1976 · 02/01/2012 18:07

I was one :-) people did tell me but I didn't listen. I knew best and I would be different. Ds is five weeks old now. I was wrong wrong wrong. It's brilliant and I wouldn't change a thing but god its harder than I expected! Worth every minute but soo
Life changing and consuming

lisaro · 02/01/2012 18:09

Just laugh, you know how unrealistic it is.

mrspepperpotty · 02/01/2012 18:12

A friend of mine who found having a baby tougher than she had expected and wondered why no one had told her beforehand then made it her mission in life to tell pregnant women how hard they would find it. The thing is, as a couple of posters have already mentioned, expectant mothers really don't want to hear that! A mutual friend of ours said to me "I'm finding X very negative about our baby news" - X was genuinely trying to help, but you just can't win this one!

CailinDana · 02/01/2012 18:16

I don't comment unless friends actually ask directly and usually I say something along the lines of "yes it is hard and tiring but it really is great," which I think is true. If they ask anything specific I'm honest without being overly negative.

VeniVidiVino · 02/01/2012 18:17

No DCs yet (we are TTC #1) but, whilst I know I can't understand until it happens to me I do feel like we are aware of the fact it will most likely be very difficult in a variety of ways we have yet to even conceive of (no pun intended) Indeed, when ordering a new sofa a few days ago we consciously chose one that would hide stains as we hope to have sticky little fingers in the next few years.

Perhaps some couples are even more hoplessly naive than us! or you could just laugh at me anyway

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