To be freaked out by "Pre Baby -Bubble" couples?

[mamabellasworld]

Maybe I am one frustrated, sleep deprived mum, but still: Lately I have found myself getting really upset with couples (family as well as friends) who are yet to have kids (some of the are expecting). I love DD beyond words, but there are a couple of things I wish someone had told my before I had a child. Like just how much nothing would be the same and to which extent haveing a baby is a life changing experience.
Anyway, I realized I can hardly keep quiet these days when I hear smug couples talk about how their child will never do all these annoying things like cry too much, keep them awake at night or spit on their favourite item of clothing. How they will be super organised and still manage to have several nights out as a couple per week, still look fabulous, never get stressed, never dispute about child minding or household duties.
I just feel like saying: "Just you wait" but I feel that would make me look like I want to burst their comfy bubble. Well, maybe I do...:)
Am I just being mean or is there such a thing as an annoying pre baby- bubble friend/relative/couple?

I thought I knew. I didn't! It was difficult, but so much joy at the same time -really, I mean that :) new all encompassing love and no sleep. From experience, viv puppies are a different kettle of fish...

I found it easier than I expected as I had heard so many horror stories. But I have also heard some expectant parents say hopelessly unrealistic things. One of my friends actually asked me what time she should wake her baby up in the morning.

But then a few parents do seem to buck the trend. I remember reading about a couple backpacking round india for 6 months starting when their baby was 6 weeks old. And I personally know a couple who go out once a week together without dcs starting from when their baby was a few months old. So I don't think you can say that peoples expectations are always unrealistic.

Lesley that made me laugh! When to wake the baby!
I still think that bf was the most difficult part. Rewarding and totally worth it but far and away most difficult aspect for me for first few months.

Abbie, all I can say is that parenthood is like the best rollercoaster that you have ever been on! You stand in the queue full of bravado and courage, then on the way up the slope you are excited and more than a little scared! On the way round, its good, its bad, you want to get off, WOW, its worse, its amazing! then once its all over you wish that you could do it all again!

I do find pre-baby smugness annoying, but I bite my lip. I never tell expectant parents what I think. Why burst their bubble? It's just mean.

Of course inwardly, think these things, but I dont say them because I was exactly the bloody same!

I remember thinking my ILs were spoiling their toddler by pandering to his food fads ('no want green things on plate, want chips!' etc). Oh, how I inwardly cringed when my own toddler would only eat yogurt, banana and sausages for nigh on a year .

I also thought women who didnt ping back into shape were lazy. I was the size of a house for a good year after each of my babies and yes, I was lazy...because I was so.bloody.tired.all.the.time

Oh, and the best thing was me thinking it would be a piece of piss juggling work and babies. I didn't anticipate how much I would cry leaving my baby with a childminder, or how much I would hate my previous beloved career, or how knackered I would be trying to hold down a job while expressing and suffering sleep deprivation.

Parenthood is the best bloody leveller, I tell thee.

OP YABU, why would you want to make people miserable when they're pregnant? When your kids are opening their Christmas presents do you tell them the gifts are tacky plastic shite that'll be broken by New Years Day? Do you point out to a friend after a good first date that even if their new partner doesn't turn out to be a total dickhead, eventually they'll die leaving them alone? They WILL know soon enough, let people be naive and hopeful and happy!

Having a baby is not necessarily awful and hard. It's when people plan what kind of parents they will be that it grates on me.
I was never going to be a shouty mum. Ha bloody ha!

At 40+1 this thread has made me go !

Actually having had pretty miserable pregnancies (morning sickness 24/7 all through) and I love the newborn stage, I always say "better out than in". I'd have another baby happily if it wasn't for the pregnancy (and finances!)

I nannied babies for a couple of years, which I would say gives you experience for your own, but doesn't really prepare you for having your own little baby dependant on you. It is very different.

The newborn stage (imo) is lovely and honestly I didn't find it that difficult. It's when they get to the stage of running off and answering back I find it harder.

Yes, I've known some of those couples.

A woman in particular who couldn't understand why mothers don't seem to do anything on maternity leave; she of course was going to teach herself GCSE Arabic from scratch. As though bonding with a caring for a baby for six of so months isn't of sufficient significance.

But then she had a serious PPH and was very ill, her newborn DS had quite serious health issues and her mum died... so yes, I let it go. Poor woman.

SoFreshNSoClean, I agree about parenthood being a great leveller, and I also think it is a crossing the Rubicon type divide between those in the know and those who think they know through imagining.

I found that a lot of the things I was worrying about, (stinky nappies I think was one), really were not that bad at all, but there were some horrors that I had not really thought through (such as long term sleep deprivation). And yet nothing really prepared me quite how wonderful some of the highs are either.

I have a friend who is now pregnant, who used to polarise parents into two categories, essentially 'lentil weavery ones', and 'feminist career types'. (I was branded lentil weavery because I bf). And now she is pregnant, I am thoroughly enjoying her slowly coming to terms with the nuances/compromises/complexities of parenthood, and it is only just beginning.

YANBU. One couple we know turned up uninvited on the evening I came out of hospital with DS (before anyone else except for DP and my parents had even met him)

They also regularly appear on our doorstep at about 6.30pm (you know, just when the bath/bed/scream like a banshee routine is in full swing) with little or no warning and do this face - - when I'm up and down the stairs trying to settle him to sleep.

I've bit my lip at all of their comments about us not going out so much any more, about what I'm doing wrong with my night time routine, why DS should be in his own room, etc, etc because she's pregnant now and I am an evil cow so I'm simply relying on a big old dose of reality showing them how fucking annoying and naive they are.

Just to add, I am really looking forward to her being a mum, because I want to be able to share the experience with her properly, instead of having strange theoretical discussions with her.

Yes, that is annoying but it's just because they have no idea. Try not too take it too personally and be happy in the knowledge that you are rising to the challenge of parenthood.
gastrognome: you're so right. I had this guy at work be so negative when I was pregnant. Every morning I got stuck in the lift with him moaning about his kids until one day I piped up that I didn't want to hear anything negative again, just positive things about kids from then on. He paused and then said to me "It's the greatest thing in the world."

YABU - op if you think that people trying to conceive or pg for the first time will actually truly understand if you try and give them a full 'reality check' I am from a large family and have been an Aunt since I was 12 (now there are 12 nieces and nephews). I still remember how clueless I was and how naive and unprepared for having children. The reality of a baby of my own was beyond my comprehension until he arrived yelling and peeing in 2004.

Ironically it was someone who had no children that first tried to give me a dose of reality - when I first broke the news of my pregnancy to my friends down the pub one of them (who worked in a hospital lab so not a midwive or anything) decided that it would be a really good time to relate some her hospital birthing horror stories! I cried when she went to the bar I was so upset and angry with her and I never forgave her for it- she really did go to town on gory details and also told me that being vegetarian meant my child would 'fail to thrive' when I look at my sturdy healthy children I want to slap her for trying to scare me like that!.

I went on to have three relatively straightforward births and healthy children - but christ it is not helpful to try and scare pregnant people or 'burst their bubble' reality will catch up and tbh each child is different and something I had a nightmare (sleeping or feeding or potty training whatever!) with could be easy for someone else so who am I to say what their experience will be.

DD is 6 months and (don't hate me) so far it's been easier than I expected. She is mostly a very "good" baby (so far!)

However, I'm scared for her school years. I was horribly bullied as a teenager and I now realise how terrible it must have been for my parents to have had to watch and feel so helpless. DD has bright ginger hair as well which makes me stress she'll be a target. I hope not. I suppose if she is I will just have to support her as best I can but it is something I hadn't thought of.

But honestly, when she smiles at me or laughs I just want to cry with joy. I don't think she's a genius or a beauty though she is both to me. I do however think she's an amazing little girl because she - she just is. I love her so much I burst with it and I wouldn't go back for anything, anything at all.

I got a lot of 'You're life will never be the same or your own again' 'Expect changes you never thought possible' 'Ha! Good Luck'... yeah thanks guys. I'm pretty laid back though so took most of it with a pinch of salt. Near the end I was starting to think a bit more like that but that was just fear of impending baby arrival.

Although it was the best thing to ever happen to me, it wasn't that shock to the system everyone told me it would be, my life hasn't changed beyond recognition - Ive matured but not completely changed. I still socialise, work, maintain friendships. Me and DP have had our ups and downs but that's because the one thing we have struggled with is 'us' time. But we worked on it and are fine now.

We have found our equilibrium as a family and it's fantastic. It's not easy, especially finding the parenting balance between new parents but I've not found it overly stressful or difficult. If you have realistic expectations of the first few months I think you can be better prepared.

No-one, not a single person, mother or midwife, told me that breastfeeding would be as difficult as I found it. It was the only thing I got upset about, my failure to breastfeed past 10 days old. I eventually realised I had developed mastitis - my breasts were massively engorged, nipples we cracked and bleeding constantly and I spent 3 days a week after he was born in bed thinking I had flu. It was at this time I felt I couldn't feed him if I was ill so tried formula. It was a relief for both of us and I felt a little let down that I hadn't been given info on all this. If I had been told, I could have mentally prepared myself. A HV said to me after I told her of my decision to FF -'Yeah, they don't tell you how hard it is because they don't want to put you off BF.'

I found breastfeeding so hard as well - fortunately I had great support so please don't beat yourself up about that (easier said than done, I know.)

I just think about the "your life will never be your own again" comments - "so what? What was so amazing about my 'own' life?" My life is fulfilled and made richer by having people (and dogs in my case!) I love in it: my family, although they drive me quite potty, DH and now our lovely DD. And a dog, who also drives me quite potty but gives us the loudest belly laughs ever!

This thread has really made me laugh. As a born pessimist I don't think I was in too much of a bubble pre-DS who is now 8 months. Whilst he is very much the best thing that ever happened to me there are definitely moments when I think parenthood is definitely not all it's cracked up to be (normally at around 3 in the morning)

I try to be nice to pregnant friends although one was recently a bit at me when I remarked that I could easily see how being at home with young children could lead to pre-lunchtime wine.

I also held my tongue when a new father to be describing a hospital tour said half of it was a waste of time as they'd decided they'd be having a waterbirth in the midwife-led-unit.

Caffeine you poor thing, BF can be so difficult to get started without the right support, so don't beat yourself up about it. It makes me so angry that those encouraging you to BF all the way through PG are so often next to useful once you need some help when you're actually doing it.

What I think no one can ever prepare you for is the sense of responsibility you have. Not DP/H, not your DM or the MW or the Doctor - you and only you.

I know of course most people do get support, but I used to worry so much that everything I was doing was the best for my dd1 and that I'd cock something up and would hurt her, or disadvantage her, or damage her in someway.

You can never get that same sense with nieces/nephews/cousins/dogs, and I have all those.

With dd2 I am sooo much more relaxed. And the funny thing is I was one of the least stressed with dd1 when she was tiny when compared to my friends. I am quite a chilled out person. We all go a bit crackers after dc1 is born I think.

I went out for dinner with my dog owning friend when my incredible non-sleeping DD was 6 months

she went on and on about how ready she is for pregnancy (not pregnant) because she is such a good dog owner. I burst into tears!

I don't entirely disagree to be honest snowy ... a child is far more responsibility but I personally found the nothing-dog transition harder than the dog-child transition.

I remember complaining to my stepmother about the dog and saying "she won't sleep in her own bed, we can't go anywhere without her, she wees everywhere ..." (it was just a moan, love the dog really!) and she said "ooh, sounds too much like a baby for my liking!"

my motto re. bringing up children and especially babies and toddlers is the old adage: 'it was the best of times, it was the worst of times....' :)

yes but my friend had just told me how she would apply the same routine to a baby as to her dog.

a dog who is very well behaved but slept in a crate in the kitchen from day 1 and he would not be seen until she got up the next morning no matter how much she cried. she was very strict with the dog and he is lovely but he never kept her up all night!

i think she will be a fan of CIO!