To be freaked out by "Pre Baby -Bubble" couples?

[mamabellasworld]

Maybe I am one frustrated, sleep deprived mum, but still: Lately I have found myself getting really upset with couples (family as well as friends) who are yet to have kids (some of the are expecting). I love DD beyond words, but there are a couple of things I wish someone had told my before I had a child. Like just how much nothing would be the same and to which extent haveing a baby is a life changing experience.
Anyway, I realized I can hardly keep quiet these days when I hear smug couples talk about how their child will never do all these annoying things like cry too much, keep them awake at night or spit on their favourite item of clothing. How they will be super organised and still manage to have several nights out as a couple per week, still look fabulous, never get stressed, never dispute about child minding or household duties.
I just feel like saying: "Just you wait" but I feel that would make me look like I want to burst their comfy bubble. Well, maybe I do...:)
Am I just being mean or is there such a thing as an annoying pre baby- bubble friend/relative/couple?

Oh yes at 30 weeks I'd much rather fill my mind with dread about the next 5 years of my life. Much more fun..

One guy at work drives me bonkers with his smugness "oh i'm so tired DS had me up last night...MIL dealt with him though so I got back to sleep pretty quickly"

I do have to bite my lip when he gets talking (His DW's parents live with them and look after their DS so they can work, she's expecting baby #2 now) as I went back to work full time when youngest was 1 and they are one of those kids that is ill ALL the time I spent the first 18 months walking round like a zombie!

I've gone slightly off topic there haven't I? Either way I don't like people.

I agree with hiding and the test of the posters who are sick to death of people pontificating about how I couldn't possibly know how hard it is and how much my life will change. Really? Wow, I thought it would be a walk in the park and my life would continue completely unchanged. I question whether the OPs "smug couples" are only saying these things as they are so tired of hearing how hard it is and how life has changed beyond recognition. I think its telling OP when you say that no-one told you these things before.

If anything, its these people who are the ones who have had the biggest shock, themselves or they wouldn't be saying it. They're just projecting at how naive and unrealistic they were pre-DCs.

My first niece was born when I was 11. I have 10 nieces and nephews. Countless friends have DCs. I know how hard it can be. I know how much it alters your life forever. Why do you think the Prulets are yet to exist? And yet people drop the irritating comments.

YABU if you say "just you wait".

*rest of the posters

MrsPerpperpotty- I do what your friend does to an extent!

I found the first few weeks with DCs 1 and 2 a nightmare. For the first, no one said how hard it is. For the second, people spouted rubbish like 'but you'll know what you're doing this time' and 'having 2 is easier because they'll entertain each other'. Well, with 2 under 2, believe me experieence does not help, and neither do they entertain each other. But because everyone had expected me to cope, I didn't understand why I couldn't. And bang, there you have it, my second bout of PND in 2 years.

So now, when close friends are expecting their first, I'm honest with them. I tell them that having a baby is the most wonderful disaster that ever happened to me. I tell them all the good stuff, all the love you never knew you had coming out and all the magic moments that you'll treasure for ever.

But if they're close friends, I try to find time to take them aside and share some of the bad stuff too. A close friend of mine had a baby less than a year ago...during her pregnancy I told her that during the first 6 weeks you might feel like you want to die, but that this will pass. I told her that she and her DH would hate each other at times and that you must never, never, never underestimate the effect that sleep deprivation can have on you. I also told her that breast feeding is wonderful for your baby but there's times when it hurts like fuck, and everyone will have an opinion.

I saw her when the baby was about a month old. She hugged me and thanked me. And had a little cry. If I'd tried to pretend it was all hearts and flowers she may have felt the need to pretend she wasn't at the end of her tether. And that's never good.

Vivipru...I have grown up around children as you have. That did not help me to understand how hard it was going to be. I thought it did, but it didn't.

Funny how all the posters complaining about being told how hard it is are yet to have children. Is there anyone who's going to come on and say 'people used to tell me how hard it was, but I've had my children now and they needn't have bothered, it's a piece of piss'.
Anyone?

I can understand it's probably irritating hearing first time expectant parents and non parents talking about how perfect it's going to be and obviously they'll do such a great job. Since getting pregnant everytime I see a mum in Tesco with a screaming toddler in tow, I think that's going to be me soon . I used to feel irritated, not anymore!

I do agree with Hiding though, I'm 42 weeks pg with my first and have been sick to the back teeth of negative comments. It's not what's said it's the way it's said, especially when it comes from people close. I haven't done this before and why shouldn't I have the best intentions? If it doesn't go as I expect it, which inevitably it won't, there are some people I will not be going to for advice because I won't want the I told you so. I know it won't be easy but I'm hoping it'll be worthwhile or I've potentially made the worst mistake of my life.

Lots of people make claims about not allowing their DCs-to-be to change their lives, but I think some of that is because it is only when DCs arrive that you realise that your life has changed - and that it's better than before. You think your pre-baby life is wonderful, and then BANG - a whole new world opens up.
Not easy to communicate that to pre-parents.

Fair comment, there abbie - I'll be sure to let you know

YABU! Laughing ironically and feeling smug at the innocence of not yet parents is one of the great joys of motherhood! as is rubbing their faces in it when they finally deliver if they are really obnoxious
You wait until you are in the exalted position that I occupy! I have teenagers. Not only do I get to be smug at the non parents, I get to be smug at all of the toddler parents, who say 'OMG this is awful, please tell me it gets better'!!

I honestly think the thing you can't understand is the sleep deprivation and lack of 'down-time'.

When I was pregnant for the first time I naively started getting up earlier to prepare me, as I knew the baby would have me up early. Somehow I didn't factor in the waking every hour for no apparent reason fact that the baby would have me up during the night too.

I truly do hope it's great for you, and it might be. I just think it's important to know that if you find yourself in tears wondering why on earth you ever had children because it is so, so hard it's impossible- then you're not alone. Millions of mums have been through that before you, are going through it right now and feel exactly as you do.

I don't say 'you couldn't understand' to patronise or belittle you...I say it because at some point in the future it might be of comfort to you.

(I've been very negative on this thread, and I'd like to add a little additional comment. Parenthood is also the most wonderful, amazing thing that has ever happened to me. My children are my life...in a good way now
If you lot were my friends I'd also be telling you you can't possibly imagine how good it's going to be)

catpuss
does it get better?

Great post abbierhodes

Well i was very, very lucky.
All my friends had children before me and while pg I encouraged them to spill all the bad stuff so I was well prepared. One of those friends was a midwife so I'd had years of hearing about post-partum haemorhages (sp), occipital posterior presentations and lots of Casualty-style dashes to theatre. I was convinced I would need an episiotomy (sp) and have SPD in late pregnancy.
Other friends told me about their breastfeeding disasters and ruined backs, and how their relationship suffered and how exhausting sleep deprivation was.
Well - DD's father was already insufferable so that didnt change much. As he behaved for the most part like a toddler, DD seemed quite reasonable in comparison

Hmm. Cross posted. Great posts, now, Abbierhodes :)

I was in a pre baby bubble too... You just can't know until you've done it. It gets easier...

I know it drives parents round the bend when people compare pet ownership to having kids, but I've been woken up every hour on the hour through the night for weeks and weeks on end by high-pitched crying to then stand in the garden in zero degrees in pyjamas trying to get a puppy to do wee wees.

I'm not suggesting its the same, but think I am more prepared than many. And I'm also not saying I think it will be easy. More that I'm pretty sure I know how hard it is going to be.

I did feel like I was in a bubble, just not one of those delusional over-optimistic ones.

was easier than I expected abbierhodes mostly because my mum had PND and made it sound like a cross between vietnamn and a stay in a mental asylum, I genuinely thought my baby would never sleep so when she did I considered it to be a nobel-peace prize deserving achievement - maybe the key is just having a very very low bar to aim for

Ah, bless you Vivipru! You sound so well prepared I hope you have twins!

Lol. I'm rehoming one of my pets, viv, as he fights with the others and would be happier in a family where he was the only pet. It's heart breaking but I'll do it.

DS1 could set fire to my head and he'd still have to stay.
Not the only difference, but the best I can think of!!

Ommward thank you

ahhyes you've hit the nail on the head. I think its my over-exposure to horror stories and witnessing a good wedge of that horror first-hand that makes me pretty sure that I'm prepared for the eventualities I am envisaging. And anything less than sheer horror will be a bonus.

Ahyesisee you're absolutely right, that was me with DC3...i was so convinced it would be awful that I pleasantly surprised myself! Ironically she's the most difficult of my 3, but I'm much happier!

I fully 'expected' the 'horrors' of what having a baby entailed. I knew there was a good chance that I'd be pacing the floor many nights trying to calm an unsettled baby, I knew about the sleepless nights. I knew about the mess and chaos it'd bring (to my lovely, tidy home). I knew that simply leaving the house would never be an easy task and that days out could be 'spoilt' if baby decided to become unsettled.

I was prepared! It would be fine.

However, I wasn't prepared for how all of that really felt until it happened.

Thanks, Bag although I can't help but detect a little schadenfreude in your best wishes! Funnily enough, very close friends have just had twins after IVF (yep, been down that road too with them) and I'm getting a real insight into that particular brand of dual baby X-treme endurance parenting....