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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be freaked out by "Pre Baby -Bubble" couples?

106 replies

mamabellasworld · 02/01/2012 17:44

Maybe I am one frustrated, sleep deprived mum, but still: Lately I have found myself getting really upset with couples (family as well as friends) who are yet to have kids (some of the are expecting). I love DD beyond words, but there are a couple of things I wish someone had told my before I had a child. Like just how much nothing would be the same and to which extent haveing a baby is a life changing experience.
Anyway, I realized I can hardly keep quiet these days when I hear smug couples talk about how their child will never do all these annoying things like cry too much, keep them awake at night or spit on their favourite item of clothing. How they will be super organised and still manage to have several nights out as a couple per week, still look fabulous, never get stressed, never dispute about child minding or household duties.
I just feel like saying: "Just you wait" but I feel that would make me look like I want to burst their comfy bubble. Well, maybe I do...:)
Am I just being mean or is there such a thing as an annoying pre baby- bubble friend/relative/couple?

OP posts:
molly3478 · 03/01/2012 09:41

Dogs are worse imo. I have friends who have to get back for the dog, cant go away for weekends/holidays because of the dog etc. At least babies can come most places with you!

HavePatience · 03/01/2012 09:50

Molly do you have dc?

molly3478 · 03/01/2012 09:52

yeah dd and 1 on way. Im not really a dog fan though Grin

happygilmore · 03/01/2012 09:57

My SIL apparently thought she would find having children easy as she was used to puppies and horses Grin Grin

Think she is regretting saying that!

Thing is, as said earlier, you can't educate people on how tough it is, just like you can't describe how much it enriches and makes your life better. Only thing you can say is to have an open mind.

I think the people that find it hardest are the ones who think that babies will just fit in whatever, and their lives won't change at all.

lottiegb · 03/01/2012 10:29

You chose to have children. Some people know very well why they are choosing not to. Some don't and blithely bypass the whole thing. Those who have yet to will find out - are you really envious that they are enjoying their pre-baby time more than you did?

If they are directing judgement at you about your parenting then you have every right to be annoyed and say so. Otherwise smile and laugh inwardly. Why would you let them get to you, unless you have a niggling doubt in your certainty that, unlike you, they cannot achieve what they aspire to?

I'm expecting our first and know something about what to expect but am also very aware that there is a lot I cannot know until it happens and I experience it for myself. I am also aware that, though there are significant basics in common, every person's experience is different, as parents and babies are different. I see huge differences between friends' parenting styles and the ease or difficulty their babies allow them.

The friends I will turn to for advice, and happily discuss parenthood with now, are the ones who tell me about their own experience openly, highs, lows and surprises, while being able to distinguish between what is universal and what is their subjective experience.

Their advice is useful for exactly this reason, it is couched in terms of 'this is what works for me' not 'I am the universal guru just because I've done this thing and you haven't'. That attitude is not uncommon though, along with the uber-smug assumption of parental elevation; 'you can't possibly know anything about life until you are a parent'. Some of us have been putting up with that sanctimonious crap for years, often from people who have limited life experience or fulfillment in other ways (perhaps the most naive pre-parents are the most likely to continue through life in this self-absorbed, self-justifying way?).

I am making the most of my remaining pre-baby time precisely because I know I am going to lose a huge amount of freedom, time, sleep and ability to concentrate once it's here. I don't go round making naive coments to parents but I don't need any parents making smug comments predicated on my presumed naivety either.

ViviPru · 03/01/2012 10:38

Great post, lottie

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