To be freaked out by "Pre Baby -Bubble" couples?

[mamabellasworld]

Maybe I am one frustrated, sleep deprived mum, but still: Lately I have found myself getting really upset with couples (family as well as friends) who are yet to have kids (some of the are expecting). I love DD beyond words, but there are a couple of things I wish someone had told my before I had a child. Like just how much nothing would be the same and to which extent haveing a baby is a life changing experience.
Anyway, I realized I can hardly keep quiet these days when I hear smug couples talk about how their child will never do all these annoying things like cry too much, keep them awake at night or spit on their favourite item of clothing. How they will be super organised and still manage to have several nights out as a couple per week, still look fabulous, never get stressed, never dispute about child minding or household duties.
I just feel like saying: "Just you wait" but I feel that would make me look like I want to burst their comfy bubble. Well, maybe I do...:)
Am I just being mean or is there such a thing as an annoying pre baby- bubble friend/relative/couple?

Everybody's, just enjoy the laugh at that one. Long and loud. hahahahahahaaaaaaa

to be honest though: attitudes like that do contribute to the kind of childhating parenthating crap we have to put up with these days. 'Well, if that awful mother had only brought her brat up the way I brought up my beloved FluffyWuffy, it would NEVER cry and would certainly not grow up to be a member of the benefit-scrounging ASBO underclass....'

Yes, that was exactly it. He was born 40 mins after I had pethidine and was so 'dopey' he wouldn't latch on to me. She helped me for about 10 mins - encouraged me to squeeze some out to rub on his lips etc, even tried shoving him under my armpit so his head was at a different angle to my nipple. Nothing worked. 45 mins later, I was on my way home after not giving him a proper feed I eventually thought I had mastered it by the end of the day.

Cue Day 5 Checkup. I go to local healthcentre for appointment. I show her my nipples and tell her he is ingesting my blood as well as my milk. She told me to wait until he needed to feed so she could see how I was doing it. A few minutes later she is called to the office and then informs me she 'needs to go - emergency'. Sends me home with a sachet of nipple cream that lasted 2 days.

I then get worse and worse and that's when I think I had the flu. Too late. Not a single HCP could have told me if, when or where I was going wrong and I felt like a damn failure.

Sorry, that was in response to thefurryone

Teapots I had great bf support as well. It was just exhausting, draining and time consuming especially cluster feeds. I had several rounds of mastitis and bleeding, cracked nipples for several months. I successfully ebf for over a year, but it was hard work until the fifth month when it all started to come together. :)
I found everything else about the newborn stage beautiful and joyful though through exhaustion.

YAB a bit U to be freaked out by people who don't have children saying silly things.

Caffeine, that is terrible! I had mastitis as well, repeatedly, but thefirst time was the worst. I thought I was going to die, I did pass out at one point! The doctor diagnosed it straight away though, and I had antibiotics ASAP. Poor you.

I mean, are they scaring you or being creepy? No, they're jut being a bit silly and naive. So why are they freaking you out? You should be freaking them out with horror stories to try to burst their bubble (for their own good of course ).

The couple who gave us a long lecture about our DD having food fads (she doesn't like baked beans and didn't like peas) came out for lunch with us in town with their 2 yr old DS last month. "Oh No! We can't go for italian, because he doesn't like pasta, or tomato". When we finally settled on a French restaurant (!), the boy received his own plate of food and proceded to eat off his father's plate, while our DD tucked into her plate of 'new food' happily.

Wow, what great, funny posts!
I have to admit that I did have a bit of a pre baby -bubble myself, but as I was not sure whether I was ever going to have children, I kept my smug thoughts to myself mostly.
However, I definitely did think that some of these mothers should get organised and stop complaining. Alas! Little did I know...
@CailinDana-I think I may sound worse than I feel, but so sweet of you to ask! I have an "only" DD, who is almost 2 and I am really quite ok. Some days are stressful but my little girl is the best thing that ever happened to me.
I do admire mums of two or more little kids though, I could not cope with having more than one toddler and maybe even a newborn as well. You are all doing a great job!

Let them enjoy their bubble!

re: keep them awake at night - for most people only really a problem for first 6 months or so (although for some a problem much longer)

re: nights out - depends how much money they have, if money's no object I don't see why this isn't possible

re: looking fabulous, again no reason why not to look great once baby weight is lost

re: spitting on favourite item of clothing I guess this depends, if it gets saved for evenings out without kids then their child can't spit on it!

re: child minding and household duties, again depends on money, if they can afford lost of domestic help no need to argue over this.

FWIW, my three DC (aged 8, 5 and 1) have all been easy going and slept well. I look great now (am lighter than pre-kids, and I go to gym 3 times a week). Of course I get stressed by things, and domestic tasks take too long. And hardly ever go out with DH due to babysitting costs, but I could go out more often than we do if we wanted to. I wouldn't tell anyone its hard as honestly for me so far it isn't.

When I was pg with dd I got lots and lots of birth horror stories (ended up with elcs so not even relevant) but no one said that it migt be hard when the baby arrived. I kind of wished they had as I was so overwhelmed, but would I have listened anyway? I don't think I would have.

When expecting ds (born 19 months later) I got lots and lots of 'just wait 'til you have 2. Then you'll know all about it!'. By the end of my pg I really didnt want to have the baby! I actually don't find having 2 all that much harder.

Not sure what my point is. Maybe just that everyone's experience is unique, so by all means give your experiences but don't assume that the person you are telling them to will neccessarily benefit.

Oh, my sil said she was prepared for sleepless nights as she has a cat. I bit my tongue! And actually she took to moterhood like a duck to water the jammy cow

I was one in a bubble. I read the baby whisperer book from cover to cover at 30 weeks and explained everything to my Dh down to the minute. Baby arrives, turns out babies dont just 'sleep on cue'. People had tried to tell me that the baby wont have read this book but I didnt listen and thought 'well they obviously werent as hard as me'

4 months on and my SIL is pregnant and moans about her friend who has a baby saying what she does etc. I had to gently suggest that we don't get the baby we think we do and its very much nature not nurture that has a big role!

I have to hold my tongue so much and just wait until the baby truck hits her in a few months time.

What annoys me about myself is that I judged pregnant women (wow I'll never moan about people saying my bump is big), new mums ( how hard can it be, surely you just have to keep to the parenting books) and i'm now judging parents with toddlers ( mine will never have a huge tantrum, i wont let them!) ha ha oh dear.

I was telling everybody that I intended to have the baby in the early hours (after a painless, short, drug free labour) so that I could have plenty of time to recover, shower, do hair and makeup before leaving the hospital by noon in time to bring baby bobbledunk out to lunch so I could show her off to everybody.

I also believed that I would be back in the gym the following day and power walking with the pram for several hours a day to get my body into fantastic shape by the end of week two.

Of course my precious darling would never cry and would be sleeping through the night from day one...

I found the negative people who would immediately jump in and try to quash my wonderful delusions to be extremely irritating and paid no attention to them.

I was delighted to get out of hospital alive with a healthy baby after a crash section saved our lives. I haven't yet made it to the gym, or gone power walking, she sleeps when she wants and I'm now the annoying idiot who proudly trills "doesn't she have the most fantastic pair of lungs?" when dd screams

Great posts abbierhodes. Struck a chord with me. You sound like a wonderful friend. I remember a close friend telling me there would be times I'd want to chuck my baby out the window, but that was ok. Another one told me that it was ok if I didn't fell an immediate rush of love when I saw my baby for the first time, as sometimes it can take time to fall in love. Both of them were right, & hearing that was the most reassuring thing ever.
The early days were far harder than I ever imagined despite being warned by everyone. Have survived two years though! Oh the love though, the love you feel is wow. Craziest thing I've ever done, but by far the best.

I was one of the bubble couples (with DH)...I'm now one of the others

I used to think all babies sleep most of the time, BF- what with it being the most natural thing and all- would be a doddle and I would never be one of those shouty mums in the supermarket

My DD didn't sleep until way after she was 1 and still wakes through the night at almost 6 I BF for 6 months and f@£k me it was hard! And I have bored myself with the amount of times I notice myself yelling "DD PUT THAT BACK... NO YOU CAN'T HAVE x/y/z" parenthood sucks in the most wonderfully weird way I love it

Obviously at times it is hard and tiring, but I cant stand people that make it seem like their life is over because they have kids. I still hang out in same places, go clubbing, have the same friends including my two best mates one who is 20 and single and we still do all the old same things we did. I still did my degree and took 10 days off maternity, went back to the same job etc. Having kids doesnt have to be the end of your life.

My (younger, childless) friend sometimes ribs me a little for having said a few "oh I'll never do XYZ" things about having DCs - I laugh it off but TBH I think every parent does it to some extent. Everyone has aspirations about their parenting, or should do anyway, IMO - even if they can't live up to them! Better than not giving a crap about how they bring their DCs up.

Said friend can be a bit tactless anyway - she did say it was really funny that we (DH and I) used to want 6 children - we have 2, I did remind her that it may well have increased had it not been for DH's back injury which means no job/money and that he wouldn't be able to help with a baby :( not to mention crippling PND and the fact we can barely ever have sex anyway

I find it more annoying when childless couples are in a 'bubble' which makes them think that being around couples with children isn't for them.

I'm not freaked out by them, think it's sad that they really think that the aim of life is to have fancy homes, posh holidays and no mess emotionally or physically.

Having children has been the defining point of my life.

My (lovely) next door neighbour and her dh have just acquired a puppy. She now tells everyone who listens that it's " every bit as hard as a new baby".

She's childfree.

Though l did have to cover a snigger when visiting friend asked her if she actually had any children.

I cringe at some of the things I said pre DC, just think all your friends have that to come! Naive childless people don't bother me (we were all there after all) but the ones that say they'll be better and the stressed out parents are just getting it wrong do (and I do count myself in the latter category here).

I do think it is a good idea as abbierhodes suggested (great post btw) to try and say to close friends who are expecting their first that it can be hard, and you're there for them if they need you. My cousin wrote me a beautiful letter with tips and gentle encouragement about when things got tough when I was pregnant, and it really helped me. I have a friend who was due a few months after me, when I saw post having DD, DH and I tried to tell her and her DH that things "aren't always easy" and not to worry if it wasn't what they expected at times, they looked at us like we had three heads. I had a text when her DD was about 10 days old saying "please tell me it gets better!"

Oh I remember airily saying to a colleague (mother of two) that when my baby was born I would 'just work from home'. Ha!

I've experienced both, when I was pg last time I got all the people saying 'it's so hard' etc which helped in a way because it made me more open minded about things. The smugness was so irritating though as were the comments about sleep when I had insomnia. Now I'm on the other side I inwardly smile at those in the bubble. I nod and smile but the most I'll say is 'just go with the flow' or 'keep an open mind'.

When looking after a young puppy, it can feel like taking care of a newborn baby. However, you can't pop out and leave your newborn baby in the kitchen for 2 hours while you go out. Nor is it appropriate to plonk your newborn on the grass and instruct "wee wee" at 4 am in the rain.