to think by and large girls are now the preferred gender?

[Bethshine82]

I have noticed a lot since having my son that girls seem to be the gender of choice. We seem to have gone from girls being discriminated against, to them being equal and now we seem to have gone past that to a point where they are now seen as better than boys.

When I had my son several people immediately said I'd have to try again for a daughter and that every woman needs a daughter. When I was pregnant and very sick people said (including midwife) 'typical male causing trouble already.' And on numerous occasions people (friends and strangers) have suggested any undesirable behaviour is due to his gender rather than him being a toddler. Won't sleep? It's because he's a boy. Won't sit still for long? It's because he's a boy. Loves tv and would watch all day if allowed? Typical man.
Even once in a shop when DS was trying to carry milk and bread for me but struggling the shop lady said 'men! Can't do two things at once.'

It really annoys me. How cone girls get to be 'princess' while boys have to be 'noisy' and 'monster' on all the clothes. Actually why is there hardly any choice in boys' clothes come to think of it.

Boys seem to be pushed down right from when they are born and the education system largely favours girls too, especially primary education.

AIBU to let this get to me? Possibly I am over sensitive but it does seem to be that girls are now predominantly favoured over boys.

well reading/writing etc are often things that boys tend to learn slightly later and boys fine motor skills develop at a later age so learning to write, hold a pencil properl etc is harder for them particularly if htey are summer born. we kept our eldest two out of school until they were 9yrs and 6yrs respectively as they were both summer born and not ready for school at just 4yrs old.

all the evidence shows that girls tend to do better at school right from the word go, not all buy some girls just find school easier, they are happier sometimes to sit and do things quietly etc whereas some boys (again not all) find that hard esp when they start school at 4.

it all depends on the individual child tho, my boys are doing well at school and we have never thought or made an issue of them being 'boys' and therefore not passed on the thought that they may find it hard etc. but i do know boys who have struggled. some children are always going to struggle regardless of gender, particularly with the young starting age that we have in the uk.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1055395/boys-raw-deal-school-education-tilted-favour-girls.html

here and YES i know its the mail but there is plenty of research out there that shows the school system favours girls, or more that they find it easier to deal with.

www.livescience.com/4163-johnny-read-schools-favor-girls.html

here, an american study but also with worldwide research, its just about how girls are often more advanced in areas that help them at school ie with fine motor skills, concentration span, vocabularly etc. obv many children wont have these problems or fall into this but generaly boys have better gross motor skill etc whilst girls develop the fine motor skills earlier and different parts of the brain mature at different times in boys/girls which benefits girls at school.

Whoever made the comment about boys not looking after their parents when they leave home- when my nanny was in a nursing home they saud sons were more frequent visitors than daughters...

Sons are looked down on and I have five so have felt it - I do think people make excuses for boys behaviour though - boisterous - loud- verging on aggressive.... They don't have to be like that

In secondary education boys gave been shown to do better in arts subjects when taught single sex- they argue that they're not acting all macho to impress and are therefore more in touch with feminine side... I think that in a pack of boys (all boy homes) boys may actually be less 'boyish'
I do think parenting little boys is harder from 2-7 but then PERSONALLY think boys tend to be a bit easier - and have lovely friends!

I agree and as a mum of twin boys I find it quite worrying.

I'm an ex teacher and think the system is definitely more geared up for girls but I think there are exceptions with both sexes.

One of my twin boys is very "girly" so to speak-loves reading,writing,playing the piano,sitting down to work etc.He hates sport,football etc.He's always loved school,fits right in etc.His twin is just the same re intelligence but the complete opposite ie loves the outdoors,racing around,loathes writing etc.Seeing him have to sit down and put pencil to paper is torture at times but now he is 8 it's getting better.

The studious twin is pushed,streets ahead at school and he shouldn't be imvho. What seriously pisses me off is said "girly" twin gets better marks for science,history etc than the other twin purely imvho because he has neat tidy writing,is studious etc.My rough and tumble boy knows masses more,he's a fact addict but because he's left handed,untidy and sits dreaming of the outdoors and his inventions at home,hates writing so doesn't write as much he gets lower marks,doesn't get pushed,gets bored and so it goes on. Having said all that he's doing ok so not a lot I can do I guess.I also think his time will come when he's matured,doing subjects he enjoys etc.

I think there should be more outdoorsy activities across the curriculum,less sitting down in the early days,more hands on practical stuff less obsession with neat writing and presentation.You can develop fine motor skills in soooo many ways.I have a dd who is a combination of the 2. Due to having brothers she's a tomboy at times so would suit a more practical curriculum too.

Due to restraints in space,housing etc kids are cooped up for too long.They need the outdoors,freedom to shout,run,climb etc.Girls need this too but boys more so and I think they're suffering.They're cooped up at home,stuck in front of gadgets to stop them crawling up the walls then restrained far too much at school.

On a social aspect I'm appalled by the attitude of smogs,not mums with both sexes but smogs. There is one particular girl at school who has basically bullied my studious son because as she keeps telling him she doesn't like boys and boys are rubbish.My dp had to go into complain as he had a rough time at playtime with her not letting him play with the girls and also being a bully in the classroom.Sorry but said charmer gets that from somewhere ie home.You see it in parks everywhere.The intake of breath from girl mums as boys race around, the boys are too rough,loud whine etc.I'm fed up with hearing the "I'm sooo glad I've only got girls" thing you hear constantly.It's rude and a put down.

Another worry is how boys are portrayed in literature. That was in the media recently. Several experts are worried about the "Hermione factor" ie girls are often now portrayed as superior to boys in literature and boys are portrayed as dumb and slower.Not got time to link but it was out there on the BBC site not long ago and an interesting read.

All in all as a mum of 2 boys I worry.

I don't see any education issues. I have 2 DSs and a DD, all born in one month before spring (although obviously in different years :o) So far there has been absolutely no difference to the speed in which they have learnt to read and write or do maths. Both DSs were fluent readers on leaving Y1 (despite DS1 not being able to read much on entering Y1) and DD is heading to be at the same level. In their case it seems to depend on the child - they all have the same genetic make up, the same upbringing and the same(ish) birthday.

Or perhaps their school is simply very very good.

I do realise that children develop at different rates and that certain methods suit different children better but I simply haven't seen it in practice with my 3. They are all likely to end up in single sex secondary schools though so any gender related differences wrt learning will be negated.

Soup all 3 of mine were fluent free readers at the end or reception.This is my point.The twins aren't that different but the curriculum favours my studious twin.Girls are more likely to be able to sit down and actually enjoy pencil and paper activities at an early age.There are exceptions but by and large they do so by default boys are put at a disadvantage.

I used to have a free choice writing table in my rec class.Year after year the majority of girls would have to be prized off it and the boys encouraged.

This is a subject many feminists and mums of girls just won't except and I know I'll be flamed but sorry I know what I know.I feel the fact such women get enraged at the very mention of boys being at a disadvantage makes the whole problem worse ie the minute you discuss it you get called anti feminist so nobody does-and so it goes on.

I don't know that girls find writing and reading easier.
I have the one child, so obviously not a big study group, but when ds started school at 4 (and yes I though, God, too young as well) he couldn't write anything, and many of the children , male and female, were already writing their names.
Within 3 months he was writing constantly, off his own bat, because he was enjoying it.
I think he will be quite academic, just because it's his nature, and that has nothing to do with his gender.
If he hated writing I would not put that down to gender either-just personality.

Incidentally, the only other three kids in his class that were reading properly on starting reception were boys too.

It isn't so much being better than enjoying it more,choosing it.The more you read,write,scribble,draw the better you get.I think many(not all) boys are drawn to other things so are less inclined to do said activities,then actively dislike doing them as they'd rather do other things.

Well, as I said, I have but the one, but I have had to stop him from endlessly drawing and writing (posters, colouring, lists, letters, you name it) and tell him to go and do something else!
He is a bit obsessive though, which is a family trait.

IME, I wanted a boy, and my first one was a boy to my and DH's delight, he is seventeen today and I am very proud of him, he is the love of my life.
He is good student and respectful, mature, hard working and sensitive to the needs of others, I have nothing derogatory to say about him.
I agree with WibblyBibble boys do need different handling in early years and in IMO they also need structure and discipline, feeding into the machoism and giving in just because well he is boy is a very wrong attitude to have when parenting boys.
I also have girl, I love her to bits, but little minx even at the age of five can be a force to recon with, and in all honesty I find her difficult and at times very complex to handle, I dread to think of her puberty and adolescence, I worry cos I tend to be much softer in her upbringing then how I was with my boy.
I don't agree with stereotyping the boys, especially to the regard of education, if channelled properly boys will excel and do very well especially in natural sciences and mathematical studies, for which males very natural inbuilt aptitude, "Logical mind of male".
It takes a very special and strong mother to raise a boy/man in a right way, all of you out there with boys you have a lot to be proud of.

I have boy and girl. I was really shocked with a girl, I so wanted a second boy. I love her now of course! But I always feel a little bit sorry for people who just have girls. Can't say that girls are preferred here.

Surely, it is personal opinion and experience of a certain gender?

wibblybibble I find it beyond offensive that you are suggesting I would in any way tolerate or encourage sexual aggression from my son towards girls. How exactly is thinking that boys now tend to come off worse than girls in lots of ways suggesting that I am encouraging him to have no respect for women? Quite the opposite is true. Nor have I said he is a 'poor ickle boy' and I expect him to behave well. Boys do generally have more energy than girls due to bursts of testosterone. This us a fact. It is not naughty to be energetic anymore than it is wrong for girls (in general) to be happier to sit for longer periods and draw or read etc.
I do not think he should be able to do what he wants with no regard for anyone else. I hope you are not instilling your negative opinion of boys into your daughters.

what bethshine just said, i was coming on to say that my boys are viltent or aggressive, they may play roughly with each other at times but they know that violence, hitting etc is NOT acceptable and they are polite, kind, caring boys. no one here has said boys should just be able to do whatever they want and dam the consequences, we are just discussing how in society it seems to some that there is a preference towards female CHLDREN, yes as adults there is sexism toward women and this has been mentioned by another poster that it seems odd there is a bias toward female children which then changes to sexism towards women when they are older.

Wibblywobbly - I also find your post highly offensive... "male sexual aggressiveness is practically encouraged by parents who think 'poor ickle boys' are discriminated against and that they should be allowed to do whatever they want regardless of anyone else".

No one here is saying they let their boys do 'whatever they want'. My boys have energy and do not sit still (unlike their female cousins, who sit still for a lengh of time). But I teach my boys to run around and jump in the park and in the garden and make sure they get enough physical exercise. At other times, in supermarkets, in restaurants etc, they know they have to adhere to a different set of rules. And yes, they do sit still and talk at these times and know the boundaries. Yes they test these from time to time, but as do both boys and girls.

Not often that posts really rile me on here, but you come across as self-righteous, aggressive and with a great deal of misconceptions. No one is excusing 'bad behaviour' whatsoever. And if you have any ounce of empathy, as a mum of girls, you might appreciate it is hard as a mum of boys to balance a sense of right and wrong without curbing boys enthusiasm and zest. I sometimes worry I am telling my boys to 'calm down' too much, as I do have high expectations. They are fun loving, energetic, well behaved and active. I've come to the conclusion that it is all about knowing the rules for different situations and being caring to others and having a sense of right and wrong.

Rant over.

I have three daughters and my youngest is 4 weeks old.
A few people assumed when I was pregnant that we had a third baby to 'try for a boy' and then the comments about my husband naturally wanting a son etc.. Nope. We were more than happy with a girl or a boy and honestly had no preference. I wont type out the silly, thoughtless comments made by a thankfully small handful of ignorant people after dd3 was born.
What does piss me off though is when threads like this become angry and defensive. So it starts off as a discussion about whether girls are preferred to boys and degenerates into a 'I have three boys and never wanted a girl and to be honest people tell me that all girls are horrid little fuckers and I feel sorry for anyone who just has girls'. To the idiot who actually wrote 'I feel sorry for people who only have girls' on this thread...what the fuck is wrong with you?

Agree lottilou. I apologise for getting on my high horse in my last post, but the suggestion that we let boys off with bad behaviour because they are boys is just ridiculous. It was that one post that I found hard to take with responding to it and I got angry.

God I missed Wibbly's post,I would post a but sadly I don't think her view is a minority view amongst mothers of only girls who have no experience of boys. Her post pretty much sums up what I was saying in my earlier post.Her ignorance is astounding but the view of many and why I worry about my boys.

Are you really as offensive and
ignorant as you appear, Wibbly?

Also I would just like to say in my experience girls mature a lot earlier than boys and are far more to likely to chase boys and play kiss chase.Both my boys are fed up with being kiss chased and having to put up with girlfriend/boyfriend talk(of course nobody is allowed to call that aggressive as it's girls doing it) so Wibbly you really don't know what you're talking about.

yeah I've noticed this. My BF has loads of names in mind for her theroratical baby, all girls names mind you so gods knows what would happen if she actually had a boy.

Someone at work found out at her scan she was having a girl. She then phoned her mum and 'played a joke' by saying she was expecting a boy. After her mum got all disappointed (WTF) she then said 'haha only joking its really a girl) She told me this knowing full well I had a DS.

I really hope experiences like Pinkglows are infrequent and that Wibbly's attitudes are in the minority .

wibbly I feel sorry for your dd's. Your mental reasoning isn't going to do them any favours you know.

I still don't get this whole "boys need to run around shouting to let off steam" thing.
I thought all children needed to let off steam..!?

I feel like we are going back to the Victorian era, when little misses were expected to sit around sewing samplers all day!

I don't have girls, but I do remember being one, and I was just as rowdy as my brothers most of the time.
But maybe thats because nobody expected me not to be, being as it was in that brief but happy period between 1968 and 1988 when children often wore unisex clothes and read the same books as each other!

Recently in a toy shop I saw a set of fridge magnets for boys and one for girls. The one for girls had words like " sparkle" and "baking" on them, and the one for boys had "train" and "jump" etc.
Dear God. There are no "boys" words and "girls"words.
There are no boys books and girls books, just good books and bad books.

There are quiet bookish kids, and noisy boisterous kids, and we should let them be kids and stop trying to analyze whether or not they are how they are because of their gender.
Plenty of time to be stuffed in a category when they are older.