Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think by and large girls are now the preferred gender?

338 replies

Bethshine82 · 02/01/2012 16:08

I have noticed a lot since having my son that girls seem to be the gender of choice. We seem to have gone from girls being discriminated against, to them being equal and now we seem to have gone past that to a point where they are now seen as better than boys.

When I had my son several people immediately said I'd have to try again for a daughter and that every woman needs a daughter. When I was pregnant and very sick people said (including midwife) 'typical male causing trouble already.' And on numerous occasions people (friends and strangers) have suggested any undesirable behaviour is due to his gender rather than him being a toddler. Won't sleep? It's because he's a boy. Won't sit still for long? It's because he's a boy. Loves tv and would watch all day if allowed? Typical man.
Even once in a shop when DS was trying to carry milk and bread for me but struggling the shop lady said 'men! Can't do two things at once.'

It really annoys me. How cone girls get to be 'princess' while boys have to be 'noisy' and 'monster' on all the clothes. Actually why is there hardly any choice in boys' clothes come to think of it.

Boys seem to be pushed down right from when they are born and the education system largely favours girls too, especially primary education.

AIBU to let this get to me? Possibly I am over sensitive but it does seem to be that girls are now predominantly favoured over boys.

OP posts:
neshnosher · 04/01/2012 06:57

Lastworditis just gets you right there,doesn't it?

Thaleia · 04/01/2012 10:06

"Despite the fact that lots of women don't get on with their own mothers they appear to think that a girl will be their best friend!"

totally agree with you exoticfruits

bruffin · 04/01/2012 10:12

I find the title of this thead most off putting. I keep reading it as
"To think larger girls are now the preferred gender?

nativitywreck · 04/01/2012 11:18

S'funny nesh, because 100 years ago girls weren't wearing exclusively pink.
It's a very recent thing.
But if you never think about anything, or find out about anything, why would you know that.

jellybeans · 04/01/2012 12:32

I agree that girls didn't always wear pink. I disagree that there are no nice clothes for boys. I love buying boys clothes. But then again with my girls, they mostly wore jeans anyway and not dresses.

Original poster
Bethshine82 · 04/01/2012 14:03

Yes sorry about that bruffin. I regretted the turn of phrase retrospectively!

OP posts:
Yorkpud · 04/01/2012 14:24

To be honest I wanted a girl when I was pregnant with my first and loved thinking of all the pretty names, clothes etc. However, when I had my son I loved him with all my heart and didn't mind what I had the second time. I had another son and love him just the same and he is so different in personality to my eldest that I think that it is impossible to stereotype. This clothes thing is crazy there is too much choice for boys and girls IMO. My boys are gentle and kind, they fight like cat and dog but play nicely with other children!!! They are also really well behaved and hard working at school (this may of course change as they are only 8 and 5)!

usualsuspect · 04/01/2012 14:27

I've never come across this in RL ever

cakeismysaviour · 04/01/2012 14:30

Lucky you then usualsuspect.

usualsuspect · 04/01/2012 14:37

I'm not so sure I'm lucky but tbh I've never come across the angst about a lot of things on MN

I must live in a parallel universe

Strawberrytallcake · 04/01/2012 14:45

"Despite the fact that lots of women don't get on with their own mothers they appear to think that a girl will be their best friend!"

One of the most ridiculous sweeping statements not based on fact I've ever heard. I am best friends with my mum and so are most of my girl friends, do you think maybe I could make a sweeping statement implying the opposite?

FioFio · 04/01/2012 14:47

are they really? i thought most people were happy with healthy children and even if they aren't healthy you still love them

oliandjoesmum · 04/01/2012 15:16

I have a very difficult relationship with my mother, most definitely not my best friend, and have never as an adult been shopping with her. Still wanted a girl, call me shallow, think it was the clothes that did it. I have 3 boys, eldest has SN, quite frankly grateful the other 2 are OK given the hell I have been through with him. Saying that, they are all completely different, middle one certainly very 'feminine' and sweet, eldest extremely academic, youngest just a totally perfect little angel. I seem to have no end of ability to find nice clothes for them - Boden, Gap, Zara, Catimini (when flush or mad).
Funnily enough it is my H who minded most not having a girl. He cried when we found out DS3 a boy, said he would never have a daughter to walk down the aisle.
Had loads of the comments mentioned on this thread tho, have tried to become less sensitive, sure it is the same for anyone with a same sex family of either gender

lollystix · 04/01/2012 16:41

When I think of all my friends the mum as best friend thing is less common than more common.

Both my SILs are best friends with their mums and call each other several times a day (about nothing -what are we eating for tea, what are you wearing etc). I love my mum but we are definitely not best mates and I don't think I'd want to be. To me it's not guaranteed that a girl will be your best mate - I think it's down to character and also things like where you live etc - one if my SILs lives in her own house down the road from MIL but largely spends the day at her house with her DC (much to FILs dismay), the other SIL lives 200 miles from her mum but I know she's working on getting back to the same village.

ouryve · 04/01/2012 16:44

I have two boys. Wouldn't know what to do with a girl.

molly3478 · 04/01/2012 16:46

Most people I know are best friends with their mum. Also all of the girls I know live within a couple of streets of their mum. I lived away from my mum for 3 years and it was too much so I gave up my job to move back with her as I missed her too much

somewherewest · 04/01/2012 17:32

I have a three week old DS and loved the idea of having a boy, I think possibly because I'm very 'ungirly' myself. My DH on the other hand wanted a girl and can't explain why. No one has commiserated with me about DS's gender.

melika · 04/01/2012 17:42

I had the same when I had DS2, most asked if I was disappointed and was going to try again. Not much fuss made over my two DSs. But if any of the girls in the family do anything remotely funny they are doted on by both sides of family. Fed up of it really, feel like my boys were ignored by all.

Well, I thought they were lovely, cute and clever!!!!!Grin

AND..... I am very proud of them too.

Agree about the atrocious choice of boys clothes in shops too.

sportsfanatic · 04/01/2012 18:37

The saying "comparisons are odious" comes to mind....

exoticfruits · 04/01/2012 19:13

One of the most ridiculous sweeping statements not based on fact I've ever heard. I am best friends with my mum and so are most of my girl friends, do you think maybe I could make a sweeping statement implying the opposite?

I was just pointing out that it isn't a sure thing. Most people that I know in RL are best friends with their MIL too, but you don't get that impression on MN. Probably the main problem with MN is that people only post if they have problem mothers or problem MILs.
When you have your baby you have no idea what you have-but one thing is for sure-you have no control over whether you have one who likes wearing pink, likes climbing trees, likes wearing pink and climbing trees, likes shopping when they grow up, likes shopping with mother when they grow up etc etc. You find out as they grow-which is half the fun. I don't see why it matters which gender you have-I am quite happy with 3 boys, but would have been happy with 3 girls or a mix.

TreacleSoda · 04/01/2012 19:22

I read this whole thread today (had baby sleeping on my lap and nothing else to do!) and it really surprised me, as my experience has been very much the opposite, that boys are still preferred and girls seen as some sort of second rate alternative. Luckily for me, I have one of each, so no angst there, but DD is the older one and it did annoy me when I was pg second time and people said I must have my fingers crossed for a boy, so that my family would be complete etc, as if a second daughter would be a disaster. Two of my sisters have three daughters each and they seem to have spent years being commiserated with for not being able to produce a son.

I do wonder though if its because I'm in N. Ireland and we can be a bit backwards here in comparison to the rest of the UK.....

And I certainly won't be arguing that anti-boy prejudice doesn't exist, as clearly some posters have experienced it, its just that I haven't personally come across it.

mathanxiety · 04/01/2012 21:04

I have to say I couldn't bear the thought of any of my DCs wanting to live too close to me once they have left home. I intend to become a vegetarian. I don't think I could live close to my mother either. exH's family are all tangled up in each other's lives and live within spitting distance of each other; they all go 'home' to dinner on Sundays. exMIL plays them all off against each other, speaks about them all behind their backs. No-one would dare not turn up for the weekly dinner because 'either you're at the table or you're on the agenda'. It's a nest of vipers.

Ribeno · 04/01/2012 22:07

An acquaintance said to me " there are too many baby girls about, why aren't people having boys about here? I'm bored of buying girl clothes as newborn gifts."

I have a girl (!) and am very happy about it as I have a healthy child.

I think boys are more favoured based on comments I had when I was pregnant.

exoticfruits · 04/01/2012 22:15

Maybe it is equal! It seems reading this that people with girls find boys are favoured and people (like me) with boys find that girls are favoured. I definitely get people feeling sorry for me that 'I miss out on the mother/daughter relationship'.

4madboys · 04/01/2012 22:19

yes ihad lots of people saying how sad it was to have four boys and utter delight even from random strangers when i then had dd. but i have friends with girls and they have experienced the opposite, people just seem to make random insensitive comments in the name of conversation!

Swipe left for the next trending thread