to think by and large girls are now the preferred gender?

[Bethshine82]

I have noticed a lot since having my son that girls seem to be the gender of choice. We seem to have gone from girls being discriminated against, to them being equal and now we seem to have gone past that to a point where they are now seen as better than boys.

When I had my son several people immediately said I'd have to try again for a daughter and that every woman needs a daughter. When I was pregnant and very sick people said (including midwife) 'typical male causing trouble already.' And on numerous occasions people (friends and strangers) have suggested any undesirable behaviour is due to his gender rather than him being a toddler. Won't sleep? It's because he's a boy. Won't sit still for long? It's because he's a boy. Loves tv and would watch all day if allowed? Typical man.
Even once in a shop when DS was trying to carry milk and bread for me but struggling the shop lady said 'men! Can't do two things at once.'

It really annoys me. How cone girls get to be 'princess' while boys have to be 'noisy' and 'monster' on all the clothes. Actually why is there hardly any choice in boys' clothes come to think of it.

Boys seem to be pushed down right from when they are born and the education system largely favours girls too, especially primary education.

AIBU to let this get to me? Possibly I am over sensitive but it does seem to be that girls are now predominantly favoured over boys.

Am I the only one who keeps reading the question in the thread title as large girls are now the preferred gender?

breaktime73 it does work the other way as well, i remember reading an interview with Davina Mcall, asking what her greatest achievement was, and she said giving my husband a son . Yeah, nice one Davina, your girls are gonna feel great when they grow up and read that.

woah Pathan, did the silly cow

yeah cos of course unless your husband has a son, he will never be Fulfilled as A Man. Bah.

Reminds me of when I had my first son a load of idiots said 'oh xH must be so pleased to have a SON'. No, actually he is very pleased to have a healthy gorgeous CHILD.

By the time I got to DS2 I was openly told after his birth (including by my dad) that I MUST have wanted a girl. Er, no, I wanted a child. This child.

I have to say however that my 2 boys are a sheer nightmare together and in public. Some of it is undoubtedly socialisation, the games and cartoons that always show boys fighting and shouting and seeking control and rebellion. However, from about 14 months old, the difference from my niece has been so enormous that i could no longer straightforwardly deny some of the gender 'myths'. My niece never seems to MOVE. She does weird things, like sit still (all the time!!) and draw. She doesn't throw herself like a human cannonball at tall things, or have a need to make repetitive loud noises all day. She does not seem to need running like a greyhound across a big open space every day. She is undoubtedly easier to parent than my 2. (My sister might say something different, but I don't think she would having spent time with my 2....)

I do know other more spirited girls including my goddaughter, but there is something about the sheer restless energy of my boys I've not yet witnessed in a girl. Although to be fair I've never brought one up so I hardly know it all.

My mum told me when I was pregnant that she received nothing but commiserations when she had me and my sister (late 70's / early 80's respectively) and said she felt like a failure as a mum as she had not had a ds.

I really didn't want a girl and I had a boy. I don't know why I didn't want a girl, I just couldn't imagine myself with one.

My mum was really weird about it, said I would have to talk to my MIL (who had only boys) as she didn't know anything about boys She loves him to death but she seemed a bit caught up with him being male at 1st.

Also had a comment from a family friend (mother of daughters) that "you don't want a boy, they spend all their time wanking".

If we have another, I would love another boy although I definitely wouldn't be "devastated" if I had a girl. I'm sure I'd be pleasantly surprised.

Also :o at the poster who covered her DD's ears when asked if she was disappointed at not having a boy!

Break she did, it was in The Observer mag bullet point interviews section, a couple of years ago. I was so shocked. What a twatish thing to say.

I hope Davina's daughter (isn't she an adult now?) never reads that.

In response to all the "all girls ever do is sit and colour in and hang off their mum's arm" posts: when Tiny Clanger was very small, one of her favourite things to do was run through the sitting room and kitchen, bouncing herself off the chairs and the fridge like a human pinball. Sometimes this was accompanied by noises, sometimes not.

She used to pretend to be a cat for quite long periods of time as well - not sure what that means in terms of gendered behaviour.

Sigh. I hate that these threads always descend into incredibly tiresome stereotyping, smuggery and bitchiness, on both sides.

I think it could be acknowledged that the OP has a point (I really do think that girls are the preferred gender, their perceived qualities/behaviours are valued over the perceived qualities/behaviours of boys, and the education system is biased in favour of girls who fit that mould - although of course, we all know that this somehow shifts by the time they all grow up and get into the workplace ) without people feeling that acknowledging that means something mean or disrespectful to their own children. Of course people will make moronic comments about girls and boys, especially to someone who has children of one gender only and is expecting another. That doesn't mean that there's no validity in what the OP says - there is. IMHO, of course.

Other than that, what HardCheese said, about 2 pages back.

I have 1 DS and, assuming I am lucky enough to become pregnant again, would love to have another one. If I could choose the gender, I would definitely choose to have another boy. Probably because my experience this time round has been so positive and I would like to replicate it but also because I love the idea of brothers. I have sisters and, among my friends, the family dynamic which seems to work best in adulthood is only boys.

And, yes, sorry to upset the SMOGs but the avalanche of pink princess shit which seems to go hand in hand with raising a girl these days makes me wince. Plus the sexualisation and wannabe-wag rubbish - I guess SMOGs just have to work a bit harder at fighting all that.

However..... I know that if I do ever have a girl, it will be wonderful and fascinating and I will love and like her just as much as DS because, as everyone has said - we are about more than just our gender.

When I was pregnant, I got talking to another lady who was due 2 months after me. I asked her if she knew what she was having and her reply?

"Yes, a boy. Sigh. I was really, really wanting a girl so when I got told it was a boy, I cried the whole way home from the scan."

I honestly didn't know what to say as I hadn't thought about which sex I would have liked. Just a healthy child came to mind.

I wanted a boy first (not sure why, think as I am the oldest and always wished I had a big brother) but got a girl... then had 2 boys.

So I'm very glad that DD was a girl now. Feel a bit sad that DD doesn't have a sister, I have 2 younger ones very close to - but even if I had another baby now and it was a girl she'd be so much younger than DD (8).

Yabfu girls are not preferred.

Although I have seen the opposite to the stereotypical boys and girls within our family (the boys being much, much easier and calmer than the girls), I do think parenting along with stereotypes and what is expected of each gender has a lot to do with it.

For example, I don't allow my DS to be generally loud and boisterous. There's a time and a place for such behaviour in my opinion. I don't allow him to jump around inappropriately (on furniture etc), encourage good manners, expect him to pick up after himself, I'm very calm and laid back myself which I think he copies. I then find that people are often surprised that he's so well behaved and calm, especially given the fact he's a boy. He doesn't fit the stereotype.

But, I think some, obviously not all, just expect boys to be loud and boisterous and generally a bit 'naughtier' than girls so let them be and may be a bit more leniant on that sort of behaviour as it's to be expected. And, again some parents of girls don't expect their girl to behave this way so rein them in a bit more than they possibly would with a boy.

I did say that the girls in my family put me off girls altogether. I always wanted one until they came along and now would prefer a boy. If I had a 2nd child and was given a choice I'd choose a boy again. However, when I think about it, I think if I ever had a girl I doubt they'd be as badly behaved as the girls I already know as I wouldn't allow it. All children can be difficult by nature, it's about parenting and how you teach them to behave.

YaNbu. I have 2 ds's 11 & 4 and dd 10 weeks and the amount of well done and clever you for getting girl etc. like I'd be stupid if I'd had a 3rd son??

But Mama, they would have said the same thing had you had a boy after 2 girls!

I think this is a bit ridiculous. Everything in the OP could be equally applied to girls. When I was pregnant and had terrible skin a midwife said 'girls steal their mother's beauty'. Does that mean she prefers boys?? Or was she just repeating an old wives tale as something to say. The whole gender stereotype thing is equally annoying to parents of both genders.

As for the education system favouring girls, it certainly doesn't seem to harm men in later life does it, given the whole gender pay gap!?

Seriously, this is a non-issue. All kids are different and are loved by their parents for the person they are, not the gender. I love my 2 girls and think they are perfect but I am sure I would feel just as strongly had I had 2 boys.

I think this is a bit ridiculous. Everything in the OP could be equally applied to girls. When I was pregnant and had terrible skin a midwife said 'girls steal their mother's beauty'. Does that mean she prefers boys?? Or was she just repeating an old wives tale as something to say. The whole gender stereotype thing is equally annoying to parents of both genders.

As for the education system favouring girls, it certainly doesn't seem to harm men in later life does it, given the whole gender pay gap!?

Seriously, this is a non-issue. All kids are different and are loved by their parents for the person they are, not the gender. I love my 2 girls and think they are perfect but I am sure I would feel just as strongly had I had 2 boys.

not sure, tigerlily...I never expected my boys to be loud and boisterous. I expected them to be bookish, like me and my sister (and my dad). And I am constantly battling to control their boisterousness but it sometimes isn't just a matter of 'not tolerating it' and suddenly it all vanishes in a puff of amazing parenting.

Of course, it may just be that I am a shite mum who through my own uselessness 'allows' them to be boisterous, but I rather think that matters such as high energy (and indeed hyperactivity?) are somewhat beyond just matters of 'control'. I'm certainly not a calm person myself, as I suffer from anxiety and bipolar disorder...but I certainly don't shout a lot and need running around every day.

My sons are however polite in company (although not always to me, however much I repeatedly require it :-S) and do not jump on the furniture (any more....). They are, however, incorrigibly LOUD and prone to very silly behaviour when bored, such that I am constantly having to separate them or take them out of places such as shops as they are fighting or running around appallingly. I ALWAYS stop and take them out- and I ALWAYS pick them up on bad behaviour. There is only 1 of me (I'm divorced) which I think does not help. But they are also just extraverted, highly talkative, stubborn and prone as a pair to wind eachother up and squabble or get silly. i am sure there are pairs of girls who are similar, but I haven't seen any yet.

Both my boys when I do get time alone with them, which is rare, are far quieter and better behaved and their reports from school are all of relatively good behaviour. So maybe the best plan to 'control' one's offspring's overly gendered behaviour, is only to have ONE....

Pfft, Ah love ma boys ( East Anglian Trailer Trash Matriarch surrounded by sons and nephews of all shapes and sizes emoticon )

When I see them all troop off down the lane for the school bus looking like a set of Heavy Metal Russian dolls I come over all soppy

Well, to answer the op, yup girls do seem to be the preferred gender.
My own experiences (my dcs, their friends, my friends' dcs etc.) inform me that boys and girls generally conform to the stereotypes. Sorry. However, there is nothing WRONG with boys being boys, so I think it may be a society thing. Ie my ds s are lovely and funny and polite, and as bouncy and excitable as puppies. They have to fit into school, with its no fighting, no running, sitting still on the carpet etc and are harder work. They need loads of charging arounnd but roads are busier, life is busier, they can't aLl play outside for hours. Plus look at all the mil threads on here - we are taught that as mothers of boys we will be second best and useless.

all very true I think grumpypants. I love my boys' sense of fun and exuberance and dont' want to stifle it BUT I would love THEM to be able to control it more when the circumstances demand it. I think a big problem for energetic kids of both genders with big personalities, is that increasingly we're all meant to be obedient drones. Sit in the car, sit on the train, sit at the computer (well, that my boys can do :)) An intolerant, colourless (and obesogenic) society does no one any favours.

I have the opposite experience - when dd was born and an auxiliary was in changing beds she asked if I had a boy or a girl, when I replied she turned to her colleague and said "all girls are bitches". At nursery and in school dd was given a hard time for not being a "good little girl", it was pretty hard to take with my pfb - she was stubborn, eventually she got teachers who praised her for standing her ground.

I have a dd and a ds, ds has asd, he can melt most people's hearts but when he was young it was very hard just being out with him, dealing with the tantrums, screaming, everything was hard - but not so much now.

I think there is still so much pressure on girls and women to be everything, I know boys can get a hard time, but I think it says more about narrow minds and gender stereotyping than about being male or female.

It sounds like you are being a bit oversensitive to be honest. Maybe just feeling a bit overwhelmed at times and then reading things into what people are saying - when actually people are quite tactless in general, not just to boys.

For what it is worth, I have both and I find boys easier, if a bit more physical at times. Not that there is anything scientific about that statement. But I am personally not in the 'girls are better' camp.

Cuddle that lovely little boy of yours and ignore all those comments - who cares anyway?

I know a family who have 7 grandchildren (iyswim), all girls. When the 7th was born it was a massive disappointment that she was a girl. And every one of that family, when you talked to them about that baby for the first year would sigh (and more) saying "another girl"

Seriously, how could anyone be disappointed with a healthy baby!?! Mind boggling