to think by and large girls are now the preferred gender?

[Bethshine82]

I have noticed a lot since having my son that girls seem to be the gender of choice. We seem to have gone from girls being discriminated against, to them being equal and now we seem to have gone past that to a point where they are now seen as better than boys.

When I had my son several people immediately said I'd have to try again for a daughter and that every woman needs a daughter. When I was pregnant and very sick people said (including midwife) 'typical male causing trouble already.' And on numerous occasions people (friends and strangers) have suggested any undesirable behaviour is due to his gender rather than him being a toddler. Won't sleep? It's because he's a boy. Won't sit still for long? It's because he's a boy. Loves tv and would watch all day if allowed? Typical man.
Even once in a shop when DS was trying to carry milk and bread for me but struggling the shop lady said 'men! Can't do two things at once.'

It really annoys me. How cone girls get to be 'princess' while boys have to be 'noisy' and 'monster' on all the clothes. Actually why is there hardly any choice in boys' clothes come to think of it.

Boys seem to be pushed down right from when they are born and the education system largely favours girls too, especially primary education.

AIBU to let this get to me? Possibly I am over sensitive but it does seem to be that girls are now predominantly favoured over boys.

"Once boys leave home, they don't usually bother to inquire about their parent's welfare"

What a load of misguided claptrap. In your family that might have happened but that's down to individual family dynamics. In fact in my family, I live further away than my brother does to our parents (he lives a mile away and sees them daily) and in my dh's family, the boys are as close to mil as sil is. In fact we live where we do in part because it's close to mil and fil and dh is extremely close to them. I see mil most days and we visit them every weekend. I met dh when he was 17 and his brothers 14 and 12 and they all openly adored, hugged and loved their Mum and still do so now as big burly men.

I have two DD's

DD1 is 5 almost and DD2 is 6 months. Whilst pregnant with DD2 i was so convinced i was having a boy it was a shock when i found out she was a girl. It took me a week to get over the fact i was so wrong.

My two girls are completely different. DD1 is full of attitude, and is more a tomboy, was more demanding as a baby and is now whereas DD2 is so laid back its amazing.

Both my best friends have boys as their eldest. Whilst myself and one of my best friends were pregnant with our DC2 both of us got 'Oh i suppose you want a girl' (directed at BF) and 'Oh and you will want a boy' (directed at me)

Actually BF wanted another boy and i wanted a boy. But both of us are happy with our girls now.

I couldn't believe it when i went out with both of my beautiful DD's in the summer and in one trip to town was told 4 times by random old folk 'Oh give it a couple of years and i guess you will be trying for a boy'

Erm...not really.....

It cuts both ways.
We have two girls and strangers regularly tell me how sorry they feel for my DH.

OP, these kind of threads, which pop up quite regularly, usually result in pissing (at least some) people off.

The problem is that it is a natural inclination to describe your own experiences within the context of the general discussion, but then some people connect those experiences to general observations about a particular gender and present them as fact. i.e. My neices are horrible, therefore, all teenage girls are horrible.

Like this,
'The thing I get most annoyed with is smug mums of (only) girls looking down their noses at DS behaviour in the playground and so on. He's only having a bit of fun and running off some energy, whilst their girls are clinging to their legs.'

This is presented as a factual observation but is full of preconceptions - about the mothers of girls (smug), the play behaviour of girls and their reaction to boys (clinging to their mother's legs). Perhaps that smug mum has a school aged boy not present? Perhaps she is just watching children play and not 'looking down her nose' but isn't a person who is inclined to smile that much? Most of our observations are driven by our preconceptions and experiences and sensitivities. It would be a good thing to keep in mind our own fallibilities when processing other people's actions.

Just don't feed into the stereotypes, I think. They detract from the individuality of both boys and girls.

I think we need to understand that babies come usually in one of two sexes in about equal amounts. I would have been deeply shocked had I given birth to a cow or a car engine. I think to get anything human and healthy is good enough for me.

This thread is making me quite sad actually.

I have a four year old son. In terms of gender stereotypes, he is quite noisy and boisterous actually, and also extremely affectionate, generous and easy going in lots of ways. So I guess he meets the 'mould' in some ways although I do feel that a lot of this is socialisation. He used to like having his nails painted until another boy in nursery teased him for it for example. Indeed, he also loves brushing my hair, baking and is very keen to begin dance lessons this year.

I also actually don't think YABU OP based on my current experience. I am 15 weeks pregnant and all anyone can talk about (so it would seem0 is how this baby MUST be a girl! And (from my auntie who I'm close to and who should know better) that If this one is ANOTHER boy then I will have to keep trying.

I will be completely honest, I may as well be this is an annonymous forum after all, and say that I have been hoping for a little girl myself (on the sly). But actually reading this thread and taking time to reflect is making me feel differently. I don't want to fit into any silly stereotype myself actually of needing one of each sex. If this child is another delicious boy we will be stopping at two as two is what we feel we can mange in terms of time / money / support to be fair to the children. I admit would feel a stab of pain at never having a daughter but I certainly don't prefer girls per se. I will find out at the 20 week scan and then get over it! I have a beautiful niece on the way anyhow so I can deal with the cute clothes urge there. That whole business is pretty shallow isn't it though eh?

I do think some (silly) people will be disappointed for me though, which is very sad.

In GENERAL, once boys leave home, they don't usually inquire about their
parent's welfare.

I feel sorry for my DH....even the cats female

Zukiecat

Just out of interest does your son know you feel this way about him? I'm just concerned that through your profile pictures people could identify you in RL.

I understand you are being honest and getting help and making progress with the professionals you are seeing but still, it's quite damaging the way you've just spoken about your son if he ever finds out.

I think you can get negative comments both ways.

I have a 5yo DD and get plenty of comments about 'drama queens', 'nightmare teenage years', 'poor DH', 'little diva', 'daddys girl' etc.

I also have a 2.5yo DS, and get 'cheeky monkey', 'he's such a boy', 'what a mummys boy' etc.

However, having one of each, I do notice that the stereotypes do fit to a certain extent (whether nature or nurture).
DS is cheeky, blows raspberries all the time, cracks up at the word 'poo' , climbs everything, was (relatively) late talking but physically more advanced, very rough and tumble.

DD is incredibly talkative (from a very early age), late walking/climbing (as a toddler never even tried to climb the stairs unless an adult was with her), very emotional and sensitive to being told off.

Oh no, I'm not a smug mum of only girls.

So I guess you don't have anything special that I don't have then? It's the being smug that makes the difference? Is that what you meant?

Can you explain it please, I don't understand the difference If I'm not smug then you don't have anything more special than me, but if I am smug you do?

Sorry, I've just seen you can't explain it anyway.

I'm going to ignore it in that case.

As you were!

Another that pisses me off - "ooh, boys are so loving, girls are bitchy, blah blah blah" and "boys love their mums, girls tend to be Daddy's girls!" Well DD2 is a total Mummy's girl so...

This thread is making me quite sad.

"there is something special about having a boy that mums of only girls will never understand".

I've never felt that I missed out on not having a boy, nor does DH. I have 2 nephews - they are my boys.

I have two boys and a girl.

Boy advantages:

1. better toys. Girl toys, even from the baby stage, may as well be repeating an electronic message about "learn to be a hairdresser. Like pretty things. Fill your head with pink and purple fluff. Beauty is important." Boy toys (or the ones marketed at boys) are generally quite good (except the grim branded ben-10/power rangers/violent idol stuff). Books tend to have male heros too, and girl sidekicks.

Girl advantages: better clothes. Way, way better clothes. Now DS1 is a bit bigger I have been able to get him some better stuff but DD has had lovely clothes from the start. Girly children's books are shite, though.

"In GENERAL, once boys leave home, they don't usually inquire about their
parent's welfare"

Nope, still incorrect. You mean 'in our family, once the boys leave home...'

I think a lot of mums have a preference for a girl. I think if we had more dads posting here you'd find lots of threads about wanting boys. In general you love your children as individuals not as a girl or a boy.

And I wouldn't agree that boys feel badly about themselves by the time they start school. In my experience most children feel pretty good about themselves aged 5 - regardless of gender.

All I'll say about gender is that I think people are much harder on girls. People seem much more tolerant of
boys making a noise and running around than girls.

"In GENERAL boys don't tend to enquire about their parent's welfare once they've left home"

But according to everyone I know, boys are more loving and affectionate

Anyway, I doubt that that's true. DH is very close to his mum and dad and even if he didnt enquire about their welfare his mum would soon tell him!

*inquire. Clearly, I can't spell!

You can Robin, I was just c&p'ing.

I do like the 'boys sod off and don't bother' but 'they looooove their mums' contradiction interesting too.

jellybeans I am so sorry to read of your losses, stories like yours highlight the fact that a baby is a blessing.

I honestly truly didn't care and still don't.

I have one of each and genuinely didn't care what I had. DS much easier than DD but I put that down to the fact they are individuals rather than anything else. They are both great and I don't care what anyone else thinks anyway.

I remember that w*nker Keith Allen saying in an interview, 'it's much easier to be a father to girls. Boys are just horrible'.

I remember thinking, you total git, I hope your (very successful now) son doesn't have to read that.

I gave birth to two male stereotypes after a lifetime of radical feminism and refusal to believe in gender at all. They are noisy, raucous, have so much energy (in particular the eldest), shout constantly, fight, are obsessed with screens, computers and video games, etc. But foremost they are PEOPLE. INDIVIDUAL PEOPLE. The world seems desperate to forget that.

I am often told in public due to their frequently awful and hyperactive behaviour that 'boys are worse when young and girls worse later'. I just hope that if my kids grow up happy and loved enough, they will want to know me when we are all older, regardless of whether they wear dresses and want to go clothes shopping with me.

The whole thing aobut 'boys forget you' seems odd to me, having been involved with at least 2 men who couldn't go 3 days without ringing their mums...the quality of the relationship is what matters, not the gender of the child.

i got 2 boys one girl .have 2 gs ,dd is pg and shes not botherd what she has :)

A healthy baby is a blessing.

My Mother used to make comments to us like "I wanted one boy and got 3 girls! sigh!" I was the third child and the story of "and we were so shocked at another girl" was always trotted out to my face.

I just can't understand it myself.