to think by and large girls are now the preferred gender?

[Bethshine82]

I have noticed a lot since having my son that girls seem to be the gender of choice. We seem to have gone from girls being discriminated against, to them being equal and now we seem to have gone past that to a point where they are now seen as better than boys.

When I had my son several people immediately said I'd have to try again for a daughter and that every woman needs a daughter. When I was pregnant and very sick people said (including midwife) 'typical male causing trouble already.' And on numerous occasions people (friends and strangers) have suggested any undesirable behaviour is due to his gender rather than him being a toddler. Won't sleep? It's because he's a boy. Won't sit still for long? It's because he's a boy. Loves tv and would watch all day if allowed? Typical man.
Even once in a shop when DS was trying to carry milk and bread for me but struggling the shop lady said 'men! Can't do two things at once.'

It really annoys me. How cone girls get to be 'princess' while boys have to be 'noisy' and 'monster' on all the clothes. Actually why is there hardly any choice in boys' clothes come to think of it.

Boys seem to be pushed down right from when they are born and the education system largely favours girls too, especially primary education.

AIBU to let this get to me? Possibly I am over sensitive but it does seem to be that girls are now predominantly favoured over boys.

4Boys - I got that too off my auntie with DS3 and then DS4. Both times 'oh what a shame, another boy' were her words. With DS4 the next sentence was 'And SIL is having a girl - isn't she clever?' with DS3 I cried for 2 hours after that comment (was a bit hormonal) and with DS4 I was just stunned that she had the cheek to say it again.

oh yes the inference that you are somehow a lesser woman as you only produce boys, yep had that as well! and comment like 'why cant you provide me with a granddaughter, neice etc' i may have pointed out that the sex of a baby is determined by the SPERM so they should ask dp rather than me! interestingly my mil who seemed desperate for a girl doesnt seem that bothered by dd now she is here! unlike the aunt who raves about her. cant win really!

oh and i may have thrown the phone across the room after the 'another boy' comment...

It's an old problem, I remember my mum telling me that Grandpa had said exactly the same sort of thing when he learnt I had a brother as opposed to a sister. Don't think my mum said a lot to him for a while after that either. Who cares as long as the baby is wanted and healthy

Is it only ever mother of only girls that say those things to you then 4madboys?

4madboys I used to get the smog face from sil frequently-until she had a boy to add to her dd.Oh happy day the day dnephew was born!!!!!!!!

She's even admitted her attitude to boys has changed since having a son.

I have friends who have been excluded from social stuff due to having boys.

I know several mums that have these all girl sleepover parties,wouldn't dream of inviting boys too even though they all play together.

Some mogs are petrified of boys.

no not always i never said it was. sometimes i dont know what children people have i dont always look or ask, why would i if they are just random strangers?

i also said i have been with friends who have all girls and heard the comments that they get, so i am aware it cuts both ways :)

I asked because I wondered why you were addressing your point to me 4madboys.

I never said I don't believe people with boys get negative comments.

I said that I don't believe playgrounds and toddler groups are full of mothers of girls pulling faces at little boys and making rude comments about them constantly.

SIL (the clever one who conceived a girl) is visiting soon and I'm dreading it. She is generally fine and nice enough but I know she doesnty like boys really. She had 2 scans to confirm that DN was a girl as she 'needed to prepare herself' if she was having a boy (her words whilst I was pregs with DS4 FFS!).

She told my mum last month that my boys (who are very young and often complimented on their good behaviour) were 'wild'. DB agreed apparently (thanks).

This is because:

• They talk alot (loudly)
• They jump on the sofa
• They jump on the bed
• They occassionally miss their mouths when eating and smear yoghurt on themselves etc
• Aged about 2-3 they have been known to have a tantrum

She told me DN (currently newborn so she'll learn) would not be doing any of the above. Correct me if I'm wrong but are the above gender specific?

Also AIBU for letting them jump on the sofa and bed (they are a bit old and knackered). I have bigger battles to fight IMHO but honestly AIBU? (serious question)

well some of them are mothers of girls, not all but some, and at toddler groups i would say its more likely that mothers of little girls look aghast at the toddler boys who dont always sit nicely at storytime or whatever, i certainly experienced mothers of girls being snooty with me at a music group i attended where ds2 liked to run round and round in circles rather than sit nicely in my lap like all the little girls were doing, tho that could equally have been because they were all pfb, my ds1 wouldhave and did sit quietly in my lap, but ds2 no such luck!

and i adressed you as you said you didnt believe that these comments happened, well they do and that is despite me also having a girl.

no you arent being unreasonable, i dont let my boys jump on our sofa but its new, the old one they did jump on at times! and talking, well dd doesnt talk yet but she is certainly loud enough when she wants to be and she makes a mess with her food and is starting on the tantrums when she doesnt get something she wants, so i think they are baby/toddler universals tbh, your sil will leanr.

if anything i felt i had to prepare myself for a girl, not because i didnt want one, i didnt care but because i wondered about nappy changes and also abou tthe type of relationship we will ahve when she is older (i dont have a great relationship with my own mother and i dont want to repeat that) but tbh its no different, the nappy changes you learn to do as you do with your firstborn and she is just a baby and as lovely and cute and squidgy as the boys were and are!

I didn't say I didn't believe these comments happen.

I did not say that at all.

DS3 wee'd on the old knackered sofa tonight (this is why we can't see the point in buying a new one). I didn't manage to get nappy on fast enough. Maybe SIL has a point - I'm a slattern.

I'm watching with interest on the development of PFB DN

"I do not belive, for one moment, that you see this all the time, and hear it constantly.

But there's little point bickering about it. You can believe what you believe and I can believe what I believe." that is what you said on the last page, that is what i was answering :) and it depends what you mean by all the time but i would say that once a week is fairly regular?

well clean it up and but some bicarb on to absorb the odour it will be fine, can you tell i have dealt with that before!

and yes i am sure it will be interesting to see how dn develops i am sure she will be an exceptionally bright and perfectly behaved child... ;) and it will be all down to their perfect parenting until they have baby no 2 ;)

Shall, I try again, with bold?

I do not belive, for one moment,that you see this all the time, and hear it constantly

Please do not take my words out of context.

No. Once a week is not all the time, and constant, imo. Semantics, I guess.

Oh FFS, surely with some very limited exceptions everyone adores their children, regardless of gender, and thinks they are perfect? That's not what the OP was about, why has this descended into the usual bunfight?

Wibbly - I do not think I have ever seen a more gratuitously offensive and utterly nasty post as yours. You should be bloody well ashamed of yourself. What an ignorant, bigoted fool you must be. Very and at your comments.

oddly enough when you hear the same old comments again and again say at least once a week then yes it gets wearing and feels like its all the time, i think if i only go to two toddler groups a week or to the park twice a week and i hear it on at least one of my times at the park and one of the times at a toddler group its fairly frequent.

i mean ALL the time if you are being pedantic would mean 24/7 and no you arent going to hear that all the time most people are in bed for some of the time or i am not out and about but when out, especially with all the boys with me yes i hear it a lot.

My mil made me feel awful for having a girl, I was 6 months pregnant and she said 'you don't want a girl, they're all know it alls'. Do you think she knows she was once a girl?? I had the first girl in dh's family (lots and lots of boys). I try really hard to get over that but take massive satisfaction in the fact that she looks like my twin when I was her age.

I love having a little girl and desperately wanted one so in my case there was definitely a bias. I think it was because my dad died in my teens and since then I've found men very daunting. Now I have a few nephews and they are all wonderful I would love to have a boy. I think it is crazy to have to prepare for one sex or the other in case you are disappointed as having a baby at all is a very lucky thing. Boys and girls are all lovely and all different depending on the way they are brought up.

but i imagine if you heard negative comments about your child(ren) (sorry dont know how many/what you have) on a weekly basis it would get rather wearing.

and i dont think girls or boys are any better than each other, i dont care about the sex of children, mine are all individuals regardless of their gender, it just so happens however that the negative comments i get are directed towards having 4 boys and so far in the 12mth that i had had dd, there has been nothing but adoration, equally if i had 4 girls and then a boy i imagine the situation would be the same only reversed.

Wow. Mothers of boys are constantly victimised by smug mothers of girls. You learn something new every day. Perhaps there should be a support group.

by that i mean that i would get negative comments about having 4 girls and that the 5thone being a boy would be seen as marvellous. i am not so insular as to think that only boys get negative comments, i have seen first hand friends with all girls get similar it seems that once you have children you become public property and its ok to make tasteless comments!

back to the op tho and i think there are cases where the system is easier if you are a girl and plenty of studies show that in schools this is the case. however if a child of any sex has loving caring parents that treat them as an individual and raise them well, then they will be fine regardless of gender :)

I'll tell you what does fuck me off... When I carry my young baby in a sling, people fall over themselves to help me (give me seats, etc). When my husband carries him, people rarely offer their seats (I ask!) and he often actually gets people bumping into him. I cannot understand what's seen as so fucking different because he's got a cock - he's still carrying a small baby!!

i havent actually used the phrase 'smug mothers of girls' you have! i have never once referred to mothers of girls as smug, i said that the comments come from many people and some i dont even know how many kids, what sex kids, if htey even have any kids!

i did refer to the mothers of girls at a music group i went to, it just happened that the dynamics of the group were that the others were all girls and also first babies, hence why i said it could me a case of pfb and so nothing to do with them being mothers of girls :)

i believe that people make comments to lots of parents about children, many of them insensitive, as i have mainly boys i have heard negative comments about boys, likewise my friends with girls get negative comments about girls, i said it works boys ways!

and no i dont need a support group i am perfectly happy with my 4 boys and when i get comments i tend to reply with a smile and a 'no not hard work particulalry they are actually very good'

and now i am off to put my DAUGHTER to bed, you see i have a girl too and no doubt when she is older i may hear negative things about having a girl? and i would do the same and smile and reply with a polite positive comment.