One of those damned disabled toilet threads.

[ReindeerBollocks]

DS and I used a diabled toilet (well, I didn't but DS did).

DS has CF and although is affected by chest issues also has some considerable difficulties with his dietary and toilet needs. I.e. when he is suffering with a sore tummy and needs the toilet - he needs to go immediately or suffer an accident.

We were out today and despite keeping on top of all current meds and peg feeds, he had another episode. But there was a queue in the femal toilets (DS is 7 and while he normally uses the men's he wanted to use the womens with me as he was in considerable pain). I took him in the disabled toilet instead, thinking that he has a medical need and therefore entitled to us it. Except there was a man waiting with a disabled lady insisting we not use this toilet and wanting management involvement. I explained about DS's condition and that he needed to go but this gentleman was not convinced and thought that as the toilet was designed with wheelchairs in mind, that we should not have used the toilet.

So who was right? I didn't think I was being unreasonable, DS has had accidents before due to his condition, and whilst it's not technically a disability I feel his need does outweigh those of ordinary use and therefore entitled to use the toilet. This isn't my first AIBU thread about toilet use, for that I apologise profusely.

That man should have kept his sticky beak out of things that he does not know about. Disability does not have to be visible, and involve only people who use wheelchairs. What an ignorant man.

Your child has a medical need for sure but not neccessarily a physical need. Pain and discomfort going to the loo doesn't mean he needs a disabled toilet. there's no reason why you can't go into an ordinary stall and at 7 years old i would not bat an eyelid at a child that young in a ladies toilet. It also sounds as if you'd be a while in there dealing with him.

However, that man with the disabled lady couldn't wheel her into the ladies or mens toilets and help her into an ordinary stall could he? So in this instance although I think you;re entitled to use the disabled loo, this time there was no reason to not go to the ordinary loos.

We've had a few questions re DS2 even though we have used the Radar key. But I refuse to discuss his medical history with anyone, as it is none of their business.

I would get cross with someone questioning us, as we've had it a couple times, and it was always in a nasty accusing manner. Not to mention, as DS2 doesn't understand his disability, I prefer not to discuss it in front of him if at all possible.

Reindeer - I don't know much about this issue but I really, really felt for you when I read your OP. It must have been a very stressful experience, being questioned and judged when your ds was having a horrible time. That was your main concern and you did the right thing - what else were you supposed to do at that moment? x

Sorry, Reindeer, I meant to add...

My nephew has CF, and he has always struggled with bowel problems because of it. I personally wouldn't have even explained to the man about your son's disability, it just seems to open the door for people to judge. Simply say "he's disabled" and leave it at that. He has no right to your DS's medical history.

I have always found it personally offensive that people feel they have a right to know this type of information on demand, simply because they cannot SEE the disability. None of their business!

A1980 I completely disagree with you and think that attitude is very unhelpful to op. How was she meant to predict, prior to going in to the toilet, that there would be someone waiting in a wheelchair when she came out?
And if her son had an accident (as feared) you think it's quite ok for her to deal with that at the public sinks in the ladies' loos? Her son is disabled, he gets to use the disabled loo.

A1980 You need to educate yourself. Disabilities are not all physical. Some disabilities are not easily seen, and while the person may not be in a wheelchair, they still have a right to dignity. Her child needed to use the toilet and possibly needed to be washed down by the sink - something that could not be done in the non-accessible toilets. She didn't say pain and discomfort GOING to the loo... she said he was in pain and discomfort UNTIL he could use the loo. In other words, waiting longer in the non-accessible toilet queue would cause him further pain and discomfort.

Thanks to everyone who has supported my stance.

He couldn't have waited in the queue for the ladies - he needed to go and would have soiled himself hence why we used the disabled loo. Also he has quite nasty stomach pains while on the loo which is why I needed to be there. He can end up in tears with the bowel pain he gets while going.

We would use normal toilets if they were available but in this instance there was not. We didn't know how long he would be - but he has also had a colostomy bag in the past - empty, cleaning and sometimes changing that used to take us longer than 20 minutes. Using the bathroom when you have additional needs does take more time so that is neither of our faults (I know the the gentleman and his wife were waiting about five, as they tried the door handle and knocked).

I don't think we were wrong, merely I wanted to know whether other people thought like the gentleman- apparently some do.

Reindeer - there are always people who will kick off, regardless of the disability, which is why we refuse to explain details to people who ask in that manner. I would never use the disabled toilet if we didn't need it, and I'm not about to justify it to others who don't know us.

no problem im a wheelchair user and while waiting is a pita I fully understand not all disablite are obvious .Ds2 has crohns andd when needs to go he needs to go now and oten gents only one cubicle .I have finakky convinced him that it is o to use disabled toilet and if anyone says anything to point out politely that not always obvious

I tend to go with the fact that if someone is using it then they need it and yes I may knock once to check if in use ( sainsbuty toilet often says lockked but means someone has not unlocked (standard lock)

10-15-20 mins is not unsural for someone to be in there

Thank you triggers and the human catapult, for being so understanding (along with so many others on this thread). I know 20 mins isn't ideal but it couldn't be helped.

Glad to hear its not that unusual.

I have bowel disease. 99% of the time i use normal loos and can often manage to wait in a queue. Have I shat myself before? Yes i have. I am 35, look well most of the time and no one would ever know. but I can literally be fine one second then the next, soiling my pants and I cannot hang on. So your son has my complete sympathies.

The sheer thought at having to wait in a queue when I am having a flare up makes me a million times worse. I sweat like mad go bright red, feel sick it can be awful.

A few months ago I ad one such moment totally unpredicted and ran into Sainsbuys only to discover that they lock their toilets and you have to pay a deposit to get the key - but you have to queue at CS for this. panic panic panic. I have a radar key but the outer door to all toilets was locked. I just made it and when i could function in my brain (it sends you into such a state of panic and not thinking correctly) I asked her why they did this and she said sometimes they have trouble with the loos. I said I hadn't seen them do this before and exlained it's a bit of a tricky situation if you have bowel disease or some such like and in a panic and have no money on you. She did say i could just tell them I have BD and they will just give me the key. But you can't always think straight.
I always have my radar key and use it as little as possible - sometimes when i am bad I either do not go out (though try to not do this now) or take spare clothes, toilet roll, wipes etc out with me - oh and a big dose of not giving a shit (ha) about what other people think of me

radar-shop.org.uk/Detail.aspx?id=0

buy a key here, there are some people who abuse disabled toilet....but that don't give people the right to ask about other people disablities.

maxybrown they obv don't understand disabled access can mean fast access, do they?
re: changing tables in accessible lavs - height is usually wrong for wchair users. I make a point of complaining/congratulating as appropriate (usually complain ) But able bodied could use wchair height ones, so why not?

The toilets are made for disabled access. That DOES NOT mean wheelchairs only.
I blame that bloody sign and it needs redesigning. Of all the disabled people I know the minority are wheelchair users and out of those few are full time chair users.

Of course your DS has a right to use the toilet. The lady in the wheelchair may not have been able to get in the standard toilets but that doesnt mean she is not capable of waiting to use the the toilet.

What would she have done if there was another wheelchair user in the loo? How would they have measured who deserved to be first then?

A child with severe continence issues V and adult who uses a wheelchair?

I know who I think needs to get in that cubicle first.

They are easy access toilets, usually with baby changing included. If you have need, then use it! Disabilities are not always visible, and people should mind their own business! How often does anyone ever meet a queue outside a disabled toilet, hardly ever, fair enough, but when you do, you cant go demanding less disabled people get out of your way!!