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Original poster

to just be a bit shocked by what I found on our computer today?

573 replies

MrsJangleBalls · 29/12/2011 22:34

Disclaimer - I was not bloody snooping!

Well only a little bit. Long story but bear with me...

I am currently trying to download iCloud. It says to go to Networks and Sharing. Well it wasn't there, but access to my dh's files was. His pictures file. Now I know he collects pictures of nude wimmin because I've seen him looking at them before. So I thought I'd take a peek at the kind of thing he was looking at. It was pretty harmless, just lots of posed pictures of naked women, etc. That wasn't what shocked me.

There were over 13,000 pictures.

It was like a fucking library. There were folders, sub-folders, categories, sub-categories, different fetishes, a whole folder full of folders of different women with hundreds of pictures of them in each one (and each one was named!) not to mention folders of lingerie, etc.

Now I know I probably got what I deserved, but 13,000? That's bloody years of collecting it. There's no way I'm going to tell him I've seen it. I didn't touch it, just looked through it. He obviously doesn't know I can find it.

I feel like I ought to be impressed at the sheer scale of it. I'm tempted to move it and wait for him to start asking panicky questions about whether the computer has gone wrong or not.

OP posts:
WheresMeJumper · 01/01/2012 23:35

I backed you up!!!!!!

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 01/01/2012 23:37

I took wmj to be using irony

what a shame though, OP, that you chose an ironic comment to be your take-home message from this thread Xmas Confused

WheresMeJumper · 01/01/2012 23:39

I cant even see where I have been ironic on this thread..Im not witty enough for irony..

AgentZigzag · 01/01/2012 23:41

'Taking aside all the argments against porn Lolly why is he always on YouPorn? Are you not enough for him?'

That does imply that anyone who uses porn does it because they don't feel their DP is enough for them.

Original poster
MrsJangleBalls · 01/01/2012 23:42

WheresMeJumper Sun 01-Jan-12 20:27:03
Taking aside all the argments against porn Lolly why is he always on YouPorn? Are you not enough for him?

Am I not in the same boat?

Your opinion on the subject is quite clear and one of the most hurtful things I have read.

OP posts:
AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 01/01/2012 23:43

WheresMeJumper Sun 01-Jan-12 20:27:03
Taking aside all the argments against porn Lolly why is he always on YouPorn? Are you not enough for him?

Did OP perhaps mistakenly think the above comment was directed at her ? < clutches at straws >

WheresMeJumper · 01/01/2012 23:43

No that comment was to Lolly who said his/her "man" was always on YouPorn, which a website. It doesnt refer to the photos, which could be a torrent thing, a collector thing whatever, it wasnt aimed or stated to the OP.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 01/01/2012 23:45

ah, cross posts

as I thought

OP, I think you have taken it wrongly

WMJ was being sarcastic to lolly, who thoroughly deserved it, IMO

it wasn't a reflection on you

WheresMeJumper · 01/01/2012 23:45

Are you kidding? Are you actually fucking kidding that that is one of the most hurtful things you read. When half the thread said your DH must be wanking off to pictures of kids? 16 pages of a thread and thats what you latch on to? Seriously?

AgentZigzag · 01/01/2012 23:45

13000 pictures is a pretty chronic habit wouldn't you say though WMJ?

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 01/01/2012 23:47

you will hate me for saying this, OP, but I think the fact you automatically took that comment as a slight against you speaks volumes as to how much this really isn't only a little thing to you

no matter how much you are trying to rationalise it

CuriousMama · 01/01/2012 23:50

Oh I saw WMJ say that but it was obviously to lollypopwo/man.

aviatrix · 01/01/2012 23:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PeanutButterCupCake · 01/01/2012 23:53

Slughtly worried that giyadas and always are flicking and trying to eat me Sad

I'm a nice peanut, honest!

whethergirl · 02/01/2012 00:17

MrsJangleBalls - really think about your reaction there in your post of 23:42:29. Sounds like it hit a sore point. Especially considering all the other things people have said.

I do feel for you and have been in your position. And I am not ashamed to say that it did make me feel inadequate. TBH it's not just the porn that concerns me but the way he is so secretive about it. When something is kept secret, it is somehow kept secret.

I'll share with you my experience but please don't think I am making assumptions about your dh here. When I found out my ex dp had a huge stash of porn, I carried on snooping, because I had a gut feeling there was more. What I found was live web conversations with prostitutes. And a booking he'd made with a prostitute online. I gave him chances to fess up but he just kept on lying, which was a bad an issue for the relationship as the porn.

Turns out he was 'addicted' to porn but after a while, just the pictures were not enough. As with many cases of addiction, you have to keep increasing the 'dose' to get your 'hit'.

Does it not worry you that your dh trying to keep his porn a secret means that...he can keep secrets from you? Maybe this is what you can talk to him about? FWIW my ex at the time also tried to palm it off and even though he knew it really upset me, was so attached to his porn, he could not get rid of it.

Tell your dp, it really upsets you and you want him to get rid of it. Would he do that for you?

whethergirl · 02/01/2012 00:19

Sorry, meant "When something is kept secret, it somehow gives it power

Although the other way could kind of make sense too!

rhondajean · 02/01/2012 00:57

You lot are awful!

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 02/01/2012 01:02

...but you do like us ? (nod to Dick Emery)

SkinnyWhiteBoy · 02/01/2012 01:16

MrsJangleBalls - there seem to be a lot of posters in this thread feeling they can speak for you or your husband. How this must actually make you feel that you can't or won't admit or articulate, and what it must mean about how he feels about you or his faithfulness to you.
Behaviour doesn't always escalate - that he is looking at pics now doesn't mean that he's going to have to up to videos or setting dates with prostitutes. I've been looking at the exact same kind of porn for 16 odd years, without needing more, without needing anything harder. It depends if it is an addiction or if it's just something he enjoys doing. If I had every picture and video I'd saved over those 16 years, it would be an order of magnitude more then that 13,000.
I've just asked this laptop I'm on to count the images in my images folder, and there are over 20,000 (naked lady images, not general/random stuff). That's from a few years of casual browsing and downloading, and this isn't my main computer. My wife is the most beautiful woman I've ever known, I worship her, and my interest in looking at other women naked doesn't negatively affect my ability to feel or express my love or warmth towards her, nor my desire for her (she makes me weak at the knees). So don't listen to any voices, internal or external, that suggest that he looks at this stuff because you're not enough for him.
I would suggest you talk to him about it. If you don't want to admit to him that you've leafed through his stash, wait till next time you walk in on him looking at something, and use it as a conversation starter. Sound him out - see if he's open to talking about it. If he's not, it might not be because he's ashamed, or embarrassed, but because it's something that he does purely for himself and he doesn't want to share / let you in. There are probably things that you do for yourself, part of the pleasure of which comes from the fact that they are purely self indulgent. Stereotypes of what such things are represented to be for women are chocolates, beauty treatments, etc. no idea what they may be in your or anyone else's specific case.
Don't know if this thread's been totally derailed at this point, and if you feel like posting any more, but - how are things in your relationship generally? How is your sex life? Do you communicate well with each other?

LeBOF · 02/01/2012 01:24

Blimey. Your computer must be running at the pace of treacle.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 02/01/2012 01:29

...and bear a strong resemblance to a plaster's radio

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 02/01/2012 01:29

plasterer's

SkinnyWhiteBoy · 02/01/2012 01:32

nope. Having lots of data stored on the hard drive doesn't affect the speed at which the computer functions.
Having lots of things installed, particularly things that start up automatically when the computer starts and run in the background, regardless of whether you need them (spftware auto updaters are a prime culprit) does tend to do so, but I'm enough of a nerd to know how to switch off and remove that sort of carp.
Which may also explain my (fairly mild and not always observed) compulsion to categorise all my downloads, sexy or otherwise (films(fact/fiction each split into feature and short), audio(music/spoken/other), software(tools/games), images(by type or site they came from, depending) etc).
Also, my hard drive is partitioned - all that stuff is stored in a whole separate logical drive to my operating system and programs.
:D geekery is great.

LeBOF · 02/01/2012 01:34

arf

SkinnyWhiteBoy · 02/01/2012 01:35

lol My 5 month old daughter is far more responsible for leaking on this machine than I am. Luckily it's designed in such a way that anything spilt on the keyboard drains through to beneath the machine, without getting at the innards.

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