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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hi im new but need your veiw my brother in law is shit!!!!!!!!!!!!

255 replies

daze18 · 29/12/2011 21:37

Hi
My brother in law this crimbo as ignored the family dinner ,boxing day and refusing contact he as an habit of being a twit. The problem is due tih behaviour his wife is now drink's booze like it's bloody tap water and im left with her kid and sod's off back to his home. Would it unresonable to slap him and show him hey im english but he 's a canadian shit with no manner's. This christmas was speacil because my mum in law is close to death and we have no other surivivng parent's so we had a good drink quite literally £300 bar bill we were all in a mess but who cares obviously the canadian one did. I apologise if canadian's are reading this but if were not for my hubby's job i would of floored him by now god help's us at mum's funeral were considering getting the police on stand by.

OP posts:
tigerlillyd02 · 29/12/2011 23:14

How old was the child when she was adopted? Are you saying your niece's behaviour is difficult which is why they're struggling?

Maryz · 29/12/2011 23:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Snorbs · 29/12/2011 23:16

Blimey, I missed that bit. So you took a woman who you know to have a serious drink problem out to get pissed with you all and you wonder why her husband might just have a problem with your behaviour?

You're not supporting her. You're encouraging her to continue with her alcoholism regardless of the effect that is having on her marriage or her adopted daughter. Your actions are directly helping to drive her towards an early grave.

But, hey, that's ok isn't it? At least she's not being "boring" Hmm

JustAnother · 29/12/2011 23:17

Would the niece's teachers be able to offer any help supporting the child? are they aware that her adoptive mum is an alcoholic? I would try speaking to the school and see if they can offer any advice.

Secondly, I would speak to your you SIL and point out the effect her drinking is having on the little girl. But of course, you need to change your way of having fun and stop taking her to bars. Otherwise you are just feeding her alcoholism and you'll be just as responsible for your niece's miserable life.

Poor kid!

3wisemenandacameltoeinlycra · 29/12/2011 23:18

Daze, I hope you do not take any offence to this suggestion. Forget about arguing or explaing anymore on this thread, as you may be able to tell there are very few if any on this thread that understand your condition and how it affects you. I do have some insights, I have a daughter who has MS. And the references to apostrophes, capital letters and bad grammar which many posters seem to be focused on,are drowing out the issues you want help with

I suggest that you, if you still want help, type out what your problem is then reread it and post again on a brand new thread, maybe tomorrow when this thread has hopefully been forgotten about.

If anyone else would like an education on what MS does then feel free to ask.

tigerlillyd02 · 29/12/2011 23:21

I agree, if the issue is about your niece it would be better to post in adoptions where there may be some others who have been through something similar.

Original poster
daze18 · 29/12/2011 23:28

IM REALLY SORRY
Look guy's im not hear to be bashed we have tried to get her help but she denies she has one and i didn't take her she was told not to drink but was already pissed by then and we did not get anymore. I have been trying to work out why the increase in drink consumption. I also along with the hubby never knew about the adoption till she was at the house one afternoon. We have never agreeded to the adoption and they know that their age and social life and job's don't include a child with emotional issues hence why we remove her when it get's bad. My brother in law is no angel belive me he knew how bad she was and the home she came from and knew from the day one she was going to difficult. It is not her fault hence she was adopted. But my sister in law and her hubby are polar opposites and neither will accept they need to sort it out. So me and the hubby are in the middle and yes i admit i wind him up at times a mean why should we sort his family out he adopted he knows she has drink issue divorce or go to counselling.

OP posts:
LoveInASnowyClimate · 29/12/2011 23:31

OP, I think there's still quite a bit of your situation I am struggling to understand, but it certainly sounds very messy and difficult. If I were you I would start a new thread in the morning, NOT in AIBU, setting out the whole situation in the opening post and using short sentences. I honestly mean this nicely - if you need help, I don't think this thread is going to assist you.

JinglePosyPerkin · 29/12/2011 23:32

OK, having read the whole thread there seem to be several issues here.

Your sister in law is an alcoholic.

Your MIL is terminally ill.

Your BIL drops your neice off for you to look after when you already have enough on your plate & can't really manage.

Any of these problems alone would be bad enough, all three together - along with your MS - must be tough to cope with. However, I'm not sure how much of an arse your BIL actually is. His wife is an alcoholic & he doesn't join in with the family piss-up - I totally understand that. When his wife is in a terrible state from alcohol he removes his daughter from the situation - I understand that too. It does seem to me that the main problem that needs sorting is your SIL's alcohol problem (and also that the rest of the family think it's OK to take her for a Christmas piss-up knowing what will happen).

I understand that you wanted to have a nice Christmas for your MIL but you must see that the alcohol issue is a problem? Where was your neice while the piss-up was going on?

Original poster
daze18 · 29/12/2011 23:33

thank you to the last two post i will leave im in tear's i hate upsetting anyone im just at my wit's end and having no family i guess i came to the wrong place my hubby usually does everything for me but i wanted to do it for myself and not upset him further ill get this deleated

Daze

OP posts:
TheTruthNothingButTheTruth · 29/12/2011 23:33

I have only read 5 pages of this but boy I am trembling, literally. Why ? Because OP obviously is 18 ( username says so ) and some of the older posters like me are really dependent on the youth to get a good education and get a good job and pay taxes so we can all enjoy our pensions. But if this is the standard, then I got no chance of any pension.

LoveInASnowyClimate · 29/12/2011 23:37

I really do think that if you repost again in the morning you could get some helpful advice. MN is a brilliant resource. Sleep well and sorry you are upset.

JinglePosyPerkin · 29/12/2011 23:37

OK, sorry OP - x-posted with you. I'm very sorry that your SIL won't admit she needs help. Will she not make changes for the sake of the troubled child she adopted?

I really hope something is sorted soon. This does seem to be such a destructive situation Sad.

henrythecat · 29/12/2011 23:38

daze d

Please stay on mn, I don't post much outside style and beauty but the few times I've posted under

henrythecat · 29/12/2011 23:38

a name change, the support I've had is super.

Give it another go, maybe get a feel of the place first?

tigerlillyd02 · 29/12/2011 23:38

TheTruthNothingButTheTruth I think you need to read to the end...

Maryz · 29/12/2011 23:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Viewofthehills · 29/12/2011 23:40

Honestly, it sounds to me like you would be all more able to help if you find a way to help that involves a lot less alcohol.
I do understand MS and in the large group of people I work with I don't know of anyone who doesn't find alcohol has a bad effect on them.
It sounds like the family need professional help and I don't think you can fix it all for them, although I think it's good you take your niece in when she needs protection.

BaublesandCuntingCarolSingers · 29/12/2011 23:40

Jeremy Kyle will be along shortly to do the requisite lie-detector tests and DNAs.

tigerlillyd02 · 29/12/2011 23:42

daze18 - please do go and have a look in adoptions on mumsnet. You will get much more useful advice there. Go to Chat - Becomming a parent - Adoption.

NannyPlumIsMyMum · 29/12/2011 23:48

Daze I am really sorry you suffer with MS.
I hope that you can find some support on the correct thread .
Hopefully from your post it may encourage some people to find out a bit more about MS . To the person who raised it , yes it can very much affect fine motor skills , writing, keyboards, etc etc.
With everything you have on your plate I admire you for trying to seek some advice on how to help .

Original poster
daze18 · 29/12/2011 23:50

to the last post word's are amazing a let you simple one work it out do not suggest dna test that was far from funny

OP posts:
henrythecat · 29/12/2011 23:50

Meant to add also that maybe you're looking at the situation in the wrong way - as others have pointed out maybe the issue is really with your Dsis/SIL and her alcohol issues rather than your BIL? And maybe the role of your family (and maybe yourself) in her problem? Your original OP focussed on BIL but actually the whole situation has arisen because of your SIL's behaviour.

I've been your BIL - I'm teetotal and sometimes (by no means always) being around drunk people can be absolute hell, especially if they're trying to prove some sort of point that not drinking means you're boring/can't enjoy yourself.

Sorry also about your MIL

BaublesandCuntingCarolSingers · 29/12/2011 23:51

I don't know what you're saying to me.

Soz.

Maryz · 29/12/2011 23:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.