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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Hi im new but need your veiw my brother in law is shit!!!!!!!!!!!!

255 replies

daze18 · 29/12/2011 21:37

Hi
My brother in law this crimbo as ignored the family dinner ,boxing day and refusing contact he as an habit of being a twit. The problem is due tih behaviour his wife is now drink's booze like it's bloody tap water and im left with her kid and sod's off back to his home. Would it unresonable to slap him and show him hey im english but he 's a canadian shit with no manner's. This christmas was speacil because my mum in law is close to death and we have no other surivivng parent's so we had a good drink quite literally £300 bar bill we were all in a mess but who cares obviously the canadian one did. I apologise if canadian's are reading this but if were not for my hubby's job i would of floored him by now god help's us at mum's funeral were considering getting the police on stand by.

OP posts:
NannyPlumIsMyMum · 30/12/2011 00:03

I think OP has gone ...

Jux · 30/12/2011 00:11

First off, daze, I have ms so I know a bit of what it's like, and I will tell you straight that drinking does not help. Don't do it. The effects of alcohol come on quicker and are worse (you get pissed quicker) and the after-effects are worse (the hangovers are worse), and take longer to get over. Moreover, alcohol is likely to bring on the effects of the condition so no wonder you couldn't type comprehensibly. You have to learn to cope sensibly with your illness and that doesn't include getting ratarsed and threatening to floor your BIL.

If your sister in law is an alcoholic how was she allowed to adopt a child at all, let alone one with behavioural problems? That child is being screwed up even more now. Your sister in law (sil) is not competent to look after herself so forget her looking after a child. Being really harsh here, but it would probably be better for your niece if your bil took her back to Canada and she never saw any of you again.

hester · 30/12/2011 00:23

daze, have a good sleep then tomorrow come over to the adoption threads and we'll talk about it all properly. Best of luck.

LeBOF · 30/12/2011 00:36

I feel a bit bad for joining in with general larks now. Yes, come back tomorrow when you are a bit more composed, sorry.

ThatVikRinA22 · 30/12/2011 00:38

me too bof but she was very rude to me so i dont feel quite so bad....

perhaps she needs to be a little more specific though on what the problem is and the advice she seeks, and make the post more coherant or at least readable.
so when sober.

ViviPrudolf · 30/12/2011 00:42

Genuine question to those familiar with MS and it's symptoms. To what extent and in what way would the condition affect someone's coherency? To the extent of the OPs posts? To reiterate, that's a serious question.

whamfan · 30/12/2011 01:05

Is it just me who feels really uncomfortable with the mockery in this thread?

God help anyone who was on the brink who comes on here for advice. This would be enough to send them over...

MS is debilitating and I find it pretty Shock that the OP has been mocked like this, even after she states she has MS.

Even if she didn't, her spelling, punctuation and tone dictate how much advice/mockery she gets?

sad.

LeBOF · 30/12/2011 01:08

I think it's more that the OP isn't readable. I certainly didn't notice the MS bit.

whamfan · 30/12/2011 01:10

She wasn't really given a chance to explain...

Really should think about how your words might effect someone. Pretty soul destroying.

It was unreadable at the start, but hardly her fault. Its this clique, bitchness which frightens people off mumsnet

ThatVikRinA22 · 30/12/2011 01:23

none of it was understandable. i am still none the wiser.
i think if the op had just explained what she was wanting she would have had a different response, but each post became more incoherent, and im not sure that having MS makes any difference to that- i never pull anyone up on spelling, grammar or punctuation, ever. its just rude., but the rambling incoherency of the posts made me think that the op was actually a bit worse for wear, possibly had a drink and was rambling.

if she wants help or advice this is the place to come, but she needs to be a bit more coherent to receive any help or any worth. how does anyone know what to say or advise when the problem isnt explained by the poster or understood by the reader?

ThatVikRinA22 · 30/12/2011 01:25

i would also say try again , and perhaps explain the MS if that is indeed the reason for being incoherent.

i also did not notice that being mentioned on the thread but i had gone by then. She didnt like northerners or canadians.

ViviPrudolf · 30/12/2011 01:26

This is a medium that relies on a certain degree of cohesiveness with regard the written word. If someone struggles with that to the extent that the OP does, regardless of the reasons why, then this probably isn't the most useful resource.

chipmonkey · 30/12/2011 01:34

daze, you sound like you are really struggling.

Don't worry about having the thread deleted but my advice is to stay away from the AIBU topic. I would post in either Adoptions or Relationships as you will find more sympathy. Sadly AIBU will attract all sorts of responses, it's really not an area for serious discussion.

I know you are worried about your niece but don't think it's fair that you end up looking after her when your SIL is drunk. Why can't your BIL look after his own dd? And I would really wonder how she has been placed in such an unsuitable home.

Plonker · 30/12/2011 01:40

I agree whamfan

Sad
Jux · 30/12/2011 01:58

Viviprudolf, ms affects people differently so there's no way to tell what symptoms someone might have, when.

One person may have their speech affected but still be able to think coherently without being able to put their thoughts into words comprehensibly; another person may suffer disordered thoughts or confused thoughts while being perfectly able to speak. If I get tired, for instance, my speech deteriorates.

Motor functions are often affected, so you might be able to think effectively or plan to walk to the shops to get milk, but not actually be able to do it as you have little or no control over your legs, or when you get to the shop, you can't remember why you are there.

Anything that uses your nervous system can be subject to attack at any time, which means that there is no certainty at all about what you may or may not be able to do now, in 5 minutes' time, tomorrow, next week and so on. Attack can be as simple as an increase in pain and as massive as losing one whole side of your body (happened to me when dd was about 2yo; it came back after a few months though). Sometimes I discover that a tiny bit of my the,b, for instance, has gone numb. Days or weeks later it's back! Sometimes I can write neatly in my normal hand writing, sometimes my writing is the illegible scrawl of a 3 yo.

I have completely lost my legs for instance, but luckily they came back - took about 3 years altogether, but I can walk though not far and not without pain. In fact, pain is also a constant companion, sometimes it's not too bad and sometimes I can barely move because of it and so spend days in bed.

MS is usually accompanied by fatigue. This is not like you might feel after a busy day at work, this is utter exhaustion from just being awake! Stress will affect your physical condition more obviously too. Both will make symptoms worse.

Then there are the things which are almost impossible to identify. I had years where I hardly ate anything because I simply didn't ever feel hunger. I would faint all over the place from lack of food, but I didn't eat because unless I felt hungry I forgot or, if reminded, the thought of eating made me feel sick. This lasted for several years and I didn't realise there was anything wrong until one day I felt hungry. It was like a light dawning. I hadn't felt it for so long that I didn't immediately recognise it. That bit of my system works now, but it never occurred to me to tell my gp, or even my dh, as I forgot that that feeling existed.

Sometimes my eyes don't work properly; I have reading glasses which sometimes I don't need; conversely, sometimes I need them to be much stronger than they are. The prescription I get depends on bow my eyes are behaving on the day I have the appointment. Since January I have been quite deaf in my left ear. This has happened before, and at some point it will start working again.

Then there are the people like me who have relapsing/remitting ms (you have an attack but then you recover your lost ground given time - no telling how long though), but there's primary ms where the damage is permanent, and secondary ms where you started off with r/r but it's progressed so that your recovery is never full. In fact, that's me now - my neurologist told me last time I saw him.

The OP may well be perfectly coherent in her thoughts, her speech, but have difficulties controlling her hands or her fingers so she can't type accurately. She may not be able to read words on a screen as easily so that she cannot tell where or how to edit what she has typed - if she can get her hands to work properly in the first place. She may know exactly what she wants to say, but find that getting it down coherently is really hard. Any of these things, and a million more, could be laid at the door of ms, and can affect her coherence on screen.

(Sorry to talk about you as if you weren't there, op.)

Anyway, you can see that it is a hard thing to pin down.

chipmonkey · 30/12/2011 02:31

Beautifully explained, Jux. Thank you. Smile

confuddledDOTcom · 30/12/2011 02:49

Well explained Jux, wishing you spoons Xmas Smile

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 30/12/2011 03:09
ScatCatShoo · 30/12/2011 03:19

Eh? What you on aboot?

ScatCatShoo · 30/12/2011 03:32

Obviously need to read the whole thread first.

OP - Not all Canadians are like your BIL. My DH is one, and he's a good guy. I understand your struggling, but typecasting an entire nation is not going to help your cause.

Good luck with the future, and I hope you get some help soon.

Tee2072 · 30/12/2011 07:47

Really well said Jux. I'm nearly out of spoons myself today (yes, at 747a) but I'll send you some extra when I have them!

PosieParker · 30/12/2011 08:27

OP next time print a list of the acronyms they will really help. BIL Brither in law, DH dear husband and so on. It will make writing a whole lot quicker and less effort!!

And write one idea per sentence, if punctaution is a pain in the arse just press return!!

So bil is a dick
SIL has an alcohol problem
BIL wanted to cancel the family meal

TandB · 30/12/2011 09:02

MaryZ - I still like you, I promise!

OP - sorry you are struggling with MS. Perhaps it would have helped if you had mentioned it as soon as people started making jokes about your posts. But I do have to say that a good deal of what people have found difficult to take seriously has been the content of your posts, not the structure.

You have criticised your BIL for not joining in an almighty family piss-up when you know perfectly well that he doesn't drink, doesn't like drinking and is struggling to support an alcoholic wife and an adopted child. You have attributed his traits to him being Canadian and suggested slapping him/flooring him to show that you are English. You have criticised him for being annoyed about a £300 bar bill.

Your family have behaved incredibly irresponsibly towards your SIL - if someone is an alcoholic then why on earth would you involve yourselves with that person in a massive piss-up? And then why would you be angry with the non-drinker in the family for not liking it?

Your posts are incredibly contradictory. Either you are serious about helping your SIL with her drink problem or you aren't. By going on about what a misery and a killjoy your BIL is for not getting on board with the massive drinking session, it doesn't strike me that you are remotely serious about your SIL's problem. It just seems like you don't like your BIL for various reasons and have decided to blame him for everything you can possibly offload on him when actually your family needs to have a good look at their own role in his situation.

To2012AndBeyondTheLimits · 30/12/2011 09:14

what KFP said (why are you here KFP, get pushing that baby out! Grin)

OP, you didnt mention MS until your sixth post, and your niece until your seventh post. Yet in your third post you wrote "all that what im saying he's boring shit who need's to either put up with family loud party loving break any rules or sod off"

That does not sound like someone who is concerned aboot her SILs drinking and her niece Hmm

GhosteditorOfChristmasPast · 30/12/2011 09:36

Jux, thank you for the detailed explanation about MS and sorry to hear that both you and the OP suffer from it. I can understand how the syndrome might cause some of the inconsistency people have posted about here.

But I sincerely doubt that it's caused the complete about-face in the OP's post (as other have mentioned, when were SIL and niece first mentioned? Not for posts and posts). And by and large OP has been drip feeding and fanning the flames by ignoring sympathetic posters.

Also, if you'll take a look at OP's language use, it doesn't look anything like a mechanical typing issue. The 'typos' are consistent as is the lack of grammar. The mocking on here probably has to do with the perceived lack of effort to clarify or improve the post. I don't think MNers are to blame here - as others have pointed out, AIBU isn't the home for serious posts.

OP, now that you've clarified in your mind what you want to post about, maybe you could repost elsewhere and run your post through a word processor? You'll get more helpful responses. If this is genuine, your family could use some support.

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