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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hi im new but need your veiw my brother in law is shit!!!!!!!!!!!!

255 replies

daze18 · 29/12/2011 21:37

Hi
My brother in law this crimbo as ignored the family dinner ,boxing day and refusing contact he as an habit of being a twit. The problem is due tih behaviour his wife is now drink's booze like it's bloody tap water and im left with her kid and sod's off back to his home. Would it unresonable to slap him and show him hey im english but he 's a canadian shit with no manner's. This christmas was speacil because my mum in law is close to death and we have no other surivivng parent's so we had a good drink quite literally £300 bar bill we were all in a mess but who cares obviously the canadian one did. I apologise if canadian's are reading this but if were not for my hubby's job i would of floored him by now god help's us at mum's funeral were considering getting the police on stand by.

OP posts:
LoveInASnowyClimate · 29/12/2011 22:40

This is much funnier than Ab Fab. I sense that YABU, OP, but I must admit that I'm not sure on what grounds.

ChimesTrulyRing · 29/12/2011 22:42

Place your cub bets.

Smile
Kayzr · 29/12/2011 22:42

DP is looking at me like I'm insane. This thread is bloody hilarious. I can hardly breathe from laughing.

thepeoplesprincess · 29/12/2011 22:49

Are you writing in Victorian cockney?

Original poster
daze18 · 29/12/2011 22:53

OK i ve learn't my lesson this is not the place to go for advice when you have ms and struggle with writing. I am offended you think im young and dumb and at least i have acheived something i gave you all a laugh. I would like to point out going off the thread i was student nurse till i run over i never asked for a disease that leaves you struggling to speak or write properly im dumb founded by lack of understanding. So i will make it really simple

my hubby his sister is a drinker who's husband is not as caused friction with in the marrige. Her hubby is strict non drinker non anything likes a simple life. When she's down and pissed he leaves we have the kid. There is no family they live away so with my hubby's mum near to death we decided to celebrate the good times and he her husband went awol. He has not spoke since last friday when we refused to cancel the booked christmas meal. As it stand's he is refusing to speak to anyone and no he has no idea about how much the bill was as he would divorce her and no we keep a lot from him to protect my hubby's sister from getting the cold treatment when she need's support and to protect my niece who they adopted. Have i made that simple enough all's i wanted to know his how to protect my niece from all the friction and support my sister in law who is a mess.

OP posts:
DozyNosy · 29/12/2011 22:53

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Snorbs · 29/12/2011 22:56

So your SIL was great until she married this man but now she's a feckless drunk. Was she a drunk back when she was single and "hilarious"?

ChimesTrulyRing · 29/12/2011 22:57

Thanks for coming back and trying to explain yourself more fully to us.

I'm sorry that you are struggling with a disease. Smile

What to do about your niece? Is that why you posted this thread? Do you have a good relationship with your SIL? Perhaps you could gently express your concerns to her?

smackapacca · 29/12/2011 22:57

That's the first time you've mentioned your niece. How old is she?

Original poster
daze18 · 29/12/2011 22:57

dozy nosy dont be a smart arse it is net mum's and frankly im getting pissed off

OP posts:
Snorbs · 29/12/2011 23:01

So there's this man who doesn't drink. His wife is a drunk. He is forced to spend Christmas with a load of other people whose idea of a good time is also to get horrendously drunk.

Maybe the person here who really needs the support is the man who sounds like he's at the absolute end of his tether and who maybe is feeling surrounded and ganged up on by drunk people.

(Declaration of interest - I've been that man and I've had those Christmases. It was fucking horrific.)

dearprudence · 29/12/2011 23:01

"all's i wanted to know his how to protect my niece from all the friction and support my sister in law who is a mess."

So why didn't you say this? All you've done so far is rant, and you haven't even attempted to clarify anything until now.

And going on about slapping/flooring him and him being a 'canadian shit' who can join in with the partying or sod off is fuck all to do with protecting your neice or supporting your sister.

So frankly, it's too late to pretend to be genuinely asking for advice now.

joanofarchitrave · 29/12/2011 23:02

I've got to be honest, on what you've posted, i'm on the brother-in-law's side. Is he scared that your sister-in-law (SIL) will hurt their child when she's drunk? Is that why he leaves the child with you, even though you don't get on with him? He must be terrified Sad. Living with someone with a drink problem would certainly make you a lot less 'fun'.

Supporting the sister-in-law and niece sounds great. Doing it by enabling her to get even more drunk more often...?

have you considered joining Al-Anon? Maybe you could support her by supporting him?

Maryz · 29/12/2011 23:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
daze18 · 29/12/2011 23:04

my niece is 9 and came from a serious abusive home for legal reason's i can't say anything else but due to the behaviour of her husband she didn't get any support with her behaviour so she has turned to drink and antidepressant's and we are left with looking after her when she 's on a downer sorry drunk and passed out. Her hubby as never been a person who likes a party or spending money and is very blunt in his veiw's. Over the year's he as now pushed the family to far and keep asking her to get rid or she'll end up dead from the drink as she mixes the pill's with the booze. I have two kiddies myself one is austic and im struggling to deal with her family problem's whilst sorting mine out. But she 's family so im stuck that's why i threaded

OP posts:
clemetteattlee · 29/12/2011 23:05

If you are relapsing you shouldn't really be drinking. Are your meds compatible?
(sorry, i am supposed to be revising neurology but am mumsnetting instead so this is a bit of both...)

BehindLockNumberNine · 29/12/2011 23:05

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Message deleted by Mumsnet.

Snorbs · 29/12/2011 23:06

He keeps asking who to get rid of what/whom?

ThatVikRinA22 · 29/12/2011 23:08

i give up.

i have committed a heinous act. being northern rules me out of this conversation. (if there ever was one in the first place?)

it was never very clear what advice you were seeking.

best of luck though.

smackapacca · 29/12/2011 23:08

I'm still none the wiser and I'm not being deliberately obtuse. I don't think you're going to get what you need on this thread. Why not start a new one, and explain the situation and what help you'd like?

ThePickledGerbil · 29/12/2011 23:09

Encouraging your SIL to drink to extreme is not helping her or your neice. I'm not surprised her husband wanted to pull out of your xmas plans if they included drinking (and spending a lot).

I would distance yourself from the BIL as it appears you are never going to see eye to eye, instead focus on getting your SIL to help herself...see the GP? Offer to go with her.

Or are you of the opinion that she would stop drinking if she was away from her husband, do you think she drinks because of him? I would be suprised if her drinking is down to him, that's not how alcoholism works. In fact he seems to be keen to distance her from situations where she would be surrounded by drink and encouraged to get drunk.

I know you want advice, but what do you think would be the best course of action?

P.S. Don't chin the Canadian...they have some feelings too Smile

GypsyMoth · 29/12/2011 23:11

Haze.... I guess all you can do is 'be there' to pick up the pieces. Hard to watch though

joanofarchitrave · 29/12/2011 23:13

The lack of support for families post-adoption is a disaster Sad but by all accounts there is SOME support out there - maybe this parenting programme? - Safe Base Parenting Programme. If not, then what about your BIL or SIL getting a referral to the local child and adolescent mental health services?

I agree that you've got enough on your plate. But i think your BIL being furious about this huge binge drinking session is a side issue - frankly, anyone could or would be furious about this - my husband is on medication, is not supposed to dirnk much and I would be batshit if he did something like this. he may well be an unpleasant character but that's separate in my opinion.

ToxicMoxie · 29/12/2011 23:14

Daze, I think the support you need must come from real life, and not here. You and your family sound like you need lots of different kinds of support. You can't do anything about your BIL, he's made his bed, he'll have to figure out how to get out of it, or sleep or whatever.

You need to help your SIL get help. If she is that bad, and acting suicidal "she mixes the pill's with the booze". I agree that taking her to a bar is not at all helpful. If she won't change her ways, then you shouldn't be supporting them because it's going to end badly for the niece.

I applaud you for looking out for your niece, and if things keep going this way, I suspect you're going to be her family.

As far as your kiddos, there's other threads that can help on Mumsnet, but I would really suggest that you run your responses through a word processing software (like word) before posting, to streamline the process and to allow you to read it more than once. This is what I do, and I am not struggling with anything like what you deal with, but I still struggle to make sense!

Talk to your husband about what services may be in place for your SIL, because really, he's going to make his niece's life a lot worse by not helping out her parents.

And perhaps the two of you need to discuss takingyour neice o full time, let the parents be the people they want to be, but try to save the child!

blondechristmas · 29/12/2011 23:14

I love you.

Don't hit anyone.