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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want my boyfriend to propose to me

336 replies

woahthere · 27/12/2011 23:45

We have been together for 8 years. I love him very much. We have a lovely little boy together and he is a great father to my other 2 children. I am very very lucky, BUT, I wish that he would propose, we have discussed it and I know he is quite a quiet person and i have said that if we got married we could do it low key because i know he would hate the whole big shebang. AIBU to want to make it official. I feel let down that all of my friends, his brother etc are getting married and I still never get that feeling of joy of having been asked. Every special occasion I hope that he will ask me and he never does and secretly it really hurts.

OP posts:
maypole1 · 28/12/2011 20:40

mrstiredandconfused I DON'T MEAN HER I mean her partner he is waiting her time after 8 years and 3 children if he can't tell he loves her and wants to spend the rest of his days with her then in my view he's just cock blocking

God know if he stopped waisting her time who knows she could be married by next year

Like I said my sisters has be engaged for years and
Watched various friends and me get married with 2,3 years and I do believe my sister bf is just not sure

In my view translates in to time waisting she could be married with kids by now

solidgoldbrass · 28/12/2011 20:43

. I've never been in this position because I don't want marriage or even a couple-relationship. But I don't think it's healthy to let such a situation go on, and on, and on - you either have to ask for what you want, or choose between getting married and ending the relationship. And if you don't actually want to end the relationship you have to get to the point where you can accept that he doesn't want to marry you, accept his reasons and feel comfortable with remaining unmarried. Because constantly wanting something that someone is not prepared to give you will eat away at you and poison your life.

MrsJAlfredPrufrock · 28/12/2011 20:44

allagory -How revolting.

usualsuspect · 28/12/2011 20:45

Do women really want men to propose to them these days ,have I slipped into 1950s MN?

allagory · 28/12/2011 20:46

yeah..sorry..

usualsuspect · 28/12/2011 20:48

MrsJAlfredPrufrock I don't want to be married and no, I'm not fibbing or deluded thanks very much

maypole1 · 28/12/2011 20:49

usualsuspect no we are on 2011 in which if someone hasn't asked you after 8 years they probaley dosent want to get married

You could ask them and maybe they will say yes to humour you then you just have years more of perpetual Engagment or you could just think just like in the 1950s men who want to marry just ask

usualsuspect · 28/12/2011 20:51

No, couples in 2011 just discuss getting married surely

seeker · 28/12/2011 20:52

Bloody hell, feminism really has passed some of you by, hasn't it?

maypole1 · 28/12/2011 20:55

usualsuspect this is how it gose or should

Early on when getting to know each other yu talk about kids marrige and such if you agree you move in maybe have children then one day soon they ask yu to marry

Sometimes the woman just says right were getting married

But like I said if your bloke has never talked about marrige, changes the subject or has clearly said no to. It and years later yu haven't been asked if I was abetting man maybe not going to happen

usualsuspect · 28/12/2011 20:55

These marriage threads always shock me , I had no idea so many woman still think being married is a life ambition

BramblyHedge · 28/12/2011 20:57

I would advise giving up all hope. I gave up all hope after 14 years, 3 kids and an DP adamantly opposed to marriage. So after me giving up all hope he proposed in october and we get married in 9 days.

maypole1 · 28/12/2011 20:58

usualsuspect I didn't think spinster hood one Wink

Love being married, love knowing were ever I am some choose me to love

And on another nt I know the benefits it has for my child

stuffedauberginexmasdinner · 28/12/2011 20:59

I don't think it's unfeminist to want your partner to propose.

usualsuspect · 28/12/2011 20:59

I have been in a relationship for 30 years maypole ,without marriage, imagine that

maypole1 · 28/12/2011 21:00

BramblyHedge Congrats

But I don't think yours is the norm really

mrstiredandconfused · 28/12/2011 21:00

Apologies Maypole - this has really stirred up some very suppressed emotions in me Blush please don't take any offence at my ramblings Blush - I'm sorry.

usualsuspect · 28/12/2011 21:01

and I've not been waiting 30 years for a proposal either

maypole1 · 28/12/2011 21:02

usualsuspect well good for you

Must be somthing in it people have been doing it crist

maypole1 · 28/12/2011 21:04

mrstiredandconfused no offence taken babe

allagory · 28/12/2011 21:05

I think life's ambition is overstating it. But in most arrangements of import - being offered a job, buying a house, taking on a loan, going to university - there is a point when a firm statement of intent has to be made. Although it doesn't have to be marriage, why would you not want this for your relationship? The consequences of this going wrong are far worse than any of these other important life decisions. And the lack of such a statement breeds insecurity.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 28/12/2011 21:11

allagory... I think if you need to 'cry', there's something very wrong with the CRIER and their partner. It's really appalling and Scarlett O'Hara-ish... except she would never demean herself that way, I'm sure... Confused

seeker · 28/12/2011 21:14

So it's better to be married because you have emotionally blackmailed some poor sap into it than not to be married?

allagory · 28/12/2011 21:19

And there's no emotional manipulation in living someone for 8 years and having 2 children with them if you really don't have any serious intent of it being a commitment for life?

forehead · 28/12/2011 21:23

He doesn't want to marry you, I would hate to be with a man who i had to virtually push up the bloody aisle.
My friend wanted her ex partner to propose ( after six years together). He did propose.... to a woman he met on the internet He had only known this woman for SIX months.