Xmas presents I am not happy and feeling like a child...

[sassyminder]

There was 2 couples and a single women at our home for Xmas, all from my usband family ( mother and father in law, brother in law with girlfriend and sister in law) and I made sure I bougtht them all of them gifts on behalf of me, my husband and dd.
For the lady's one hand made to order ( very pretty and one of a kind) handbag each, one expensive umbrella each and one L'occitane en provence set of 3 hand cream each. For the gentlemen I bouth 1 pringle of Scotland Polo Shirt, for FIL, Diesel Laptop Bag for BIL and Animal manbag for DH + L'occitane en Provence after shave for all of men.
Here is what I get:
2 primark pyjama bottoms from BIL and girlfriend (one is XXL and other is S, I am size 8 so only one is good)
1 hideous hat from SIL
1 bodycream from poundland from In Laws.

They really took the piss this year!
My husband and daughter got nice things obviously.
it is not all about presents, but it hurts see they give each other nice stuff and do this to me, I would rather them tell me what the fuck the problem is they have with me and give me absolutely nothing!!!
Next year I am going all the way to spend Xmas with my own family fuck them.
My DD is the only child in the family so they will be sad and alone.

And they won't have my hospitality ( yes I always host spending on food, drinks, eletricity and so on) even tough we work full time until the 23rd (hubby until 24th) and boxing day.

I don't blame my DH, he always waits for his bonus after new year to buy me nice presents, and this year I am getting an Iphone and Apple laptop.

Bitches.

Op be kind to your dd. She has done nothing wrong.

I am confused about a few things.
You keep going on about how Christmas is about Jesus to you but then bang on about presents.
You owed your Ils a lot of money but for the last few Christmases you have spent a fortune on gifts instead of just paying off the debt?
You keep telling us you are not fluent in English but use slang like chav and seem to write English like a native.
You were a total bitch to your little girl. What the fuck was that about?

OP you sound like a 24 carat mentalist. Your lack of extravangent gifts is the least of your worries.

I will try and answer your questions ok: I'm banging on about presents because I think it is rude for my Dh family give each other nice stiff and make and give me poundland body cream which is worse than nothing. It was a wind up for sure. I already admit the other presents may have been genuine mistakes. The cream I got is worse than the lone on the link above. If it was ok to give poundland cream why other people got Calvin Klein, Lynx, Diesel, Boots stuff etc? I was the only one with the poundland thing. They could've gave me nothing I really don't care. Have a problem with me? Tell me, don't play games. Last Xmas I didn't spend a lot on presents even tough I was give a little something from each one of us. It was thoughtful but not expensive at all but I never went poundland route unless for my Xmas decoration on my own house. This year I had money saved and I wanted to make up for previous yersa and be generous because previous years I could see and feel m little gifts were underapreciatetd and inferior to whatever they gave me so I wanted them to be happy this year. I have been in he UK for nearly 7 years now, I'm married to British and I have friends from all over the world, English is the common language, I have been to English school and I like reading so my English doesn't sound too bad but it isn't 100% fluent. Right now I'm using my phone with spell check. I don't think I was a bitch to DD, she didn't want to speak to me, wanted to speak to her daddy, call his number than, don't engage my phone, believe or not I was working from home (and yes I had a break I had a shower). Don't see nothing wrong with telling MIL and DD to call DH phone if they want to speak to him not to me. We are a couple not Siamese siblings.

'dont engage on my phone'
WTF this is a 4 year old child- one you are meant to love unconditionally!! I really do despair

You don't think you were a bitch to her? And you think your vitriol about how she might grow up like your in laws is acceptable? Thick as well as unpleasant then.

Let's not forget how the IL's are welcome to her so OP can go back to Brazil

Is this about rejection? Feeling rejected by ILs, ignore or not thought of by DH then being hurt by DD not wanting to talk to you and worried sick she being poisoned against you? And you lashing out?

Or am I just very naive?

If it is - your DD at 4 would not have meant it they tend to live in the moment at that age and wouldn't have meant anything by it other than she had something to say to her dad at that moment.

If your worried by what IL are saying to her - confront ILs or limit contact till they can be trusted. My MIL tried a few games like that and I didn't react or behave well back luckily eldest DC was very young but I did get it stopped.

Other than that talk to your DH and tell him how you feel, what you are worried about, why your behaving so badly - and the phone call sounds bad - and what has made you feel like that.

If not - I'm stumped.

I agree with loveinacoldclimate, op your anger sounds like its spiralling out of cntrol a bit. You sound unhappy to me and the unhappiness is getting the better of you. Please speak to your dh and have a heart to heart.

And all my dc favour me or dh at different times. I used to get really upset when my dd (my first) would only want daddy, daddy, daddy and reject me. But it was just a pahse and now I think it is a normal development phase. Now my dd wants both of us all the time. ANd my youngest has started asking for daddy, daddy not mummy. So please try not to let it bother you, she doesn't mean it. And mine always did this at my in-laws too like some kind of sod's law but I laugh about it now.

Like loveinacoldclimate I am a bit worried about you.

And I totally agree with Rudoplh this sounds as if it is about you feeling rejected so your dd saying that probably felt like the last straw but it is not related just something little kids do. It means nothing

Imperial It was in response to the op saying 'what man wouldn't like aftershave?' and 'what woman wouldn't like handcream?' (A 'nice' one obviously. NOT from the Poundshop ).
I notice now the op has slipped in that in previous years the ils spent more on her than she did on them.
OP in relation to your most recent post don't feel bad towards your dd. Even if she has had her head filled with nasty stuff about you by the ils that isn't her fault. And if you think they are poisoning her against you then why are you letting them have unsupervised contact with her?

Think about it. DD says : I want to talk to daddy. Someone (MIL, PIL or SIL) get the phone and call Me. DD says she doenst want to talk to me. MIL grabs the phone and says: oh (surprised/disappointed) is it you??? WTF??? Than insists to my DD to talk to me when DD clearly said she doesn't want to??? It is a game. It is a plan. I m sure they've been talking about me the whole time so now e even DD is feeling uncomfortable talking to me. But backfired on her as I told MIL: don't want to talk to me don't call my number. I don't play ga£es, I'm not two faces nor fake. And this is why they don't like me. It made me remmeer one Sunday they come to visit not long ago, and I left DD with DH and went to get my nails done, DH was in charge of talking to them about Xmas, if we were to host this year again they would have to b behave themselves not getting too drunk and treating us like their servants, please putting their rubbish in the bin and not leaving dirty socks or underwear all over the place. As soon as I got back home they got ready to leave (Dh got really frustrated coz he had just finished cooking a meal and pudding and suddenly they decided they wouldn't eat) so DD said: why you decided to go home when you saw mummy coming? The 2 of them got really embarrassed and came up with some crap excuse.

It is a game. It is a plan. I m sure they've been talking about me the whole time

Get over yourself.

And if you really believe that why are you allowing your daughter to stay there?

Why would you leave the house to get your nails done when your PIL were visiting ? Is that not saying you don't like or respect them. That is also bloody rude.

I didn't think they would be poisoning her until the call today. I left the house to get my nails done coz I had a B'day party to go to, I don't go out very often and I came back in time to see them. What a crime OMG I went to get my nails done on the day my in laws were coming and left my Dh to deal with them. Shame I couldn't do my nails any other day.

I'm not surprised they left when you arrived. You'd deliberately gone out to get your nails done when you knew they were visiting. I agree with carben - how rude.

Well if it's entirely based on that phonecall I think you are being a bit quick to assume they are poisoning your dd against you.

I'm gonna tell you what is bloody rude. Bloody rude is you go to your son /brother's household for Xmas and spend 3,5 days there in front of the TV throwing you rubbish on the floor, coffee table, under the sofa or behind the photos frames, not making up your bed, leaving your personal stuff (underwear and dirty socks included) everywhere, not offer help and criticise when the food or tea wasn't ready quickly enough. And how about not flushing your shit dow the toilet? This happened last year and Dh just realized what was going on when FIL called him from the kitchen to change the TV channels and look for his program (remote control on his side). To finish off when you decide to go home you say: we are off to the cinema now to watch whatever in 3D we don't have tickets for you, will leave you with the cleaning, can you help us putting our bags in the car?

Well you were going to a party - so that's going out. Surely it wasn't essential to get your nails done during their visit. If I was visiting I would feel miffed if someone seemed to be trying to avoid me. You're doing a good job of telling them you don't like them. I think that you're the one playing games by being unwelcoming and then trying to guilt trip them with expensive presents. I think you probably scare them TBH and they are caught in middle as they obviously love their son and GD.

So if this is true (and I have my doubts) why did you invite them back? Why buy presents? Why let your daughter go there? You just don't like them much, do you?

Oh, I forgot. They're were good enough to borrow money from when you needed it...

If it was me I wouldn't welcome lavish presents from someone I had had to lend a substantial amount of money to in the past. Maybe they fear they will end up paying for them.
They sound like awful houseguests though. Why do you keep inviting them?

I think they sound like normal guests. If staying over it is impossible nor to be messy. You just have to muck in and get on with it. The cleaning is done after they leave. OP is just not seeing or mentioning anything positive about the visit despite the fact that she is happy for her DD to stay with them for days (probably making a mess !).

Ha ha they invite themselves Love. Always. And after all they are Dh and DD family. Mine is miles away. DD can't have a close relationship with my family I won't prevent her having a close relationship with Dh's family. This and much more happened last year. But this year we had them only for one night and they behave themselves I must admit. I just think it is a cultural clash plus we are very different people. I can't bring myself to be two faces and they have no problem doing it. I see this happening and hear they talking about other people. Dh lovees them but is a bit traumatised by his childhood. When he gets issed off as well he says they are in his life right now just because of DD. Anyway is not that I hate them I just struggle as we are so so so different. For example they see nothing wrong leaving a child in front of TV all they long. I think it is too much therefore I'm snob. They shower DD with presents and toys. She is nearly 5 and this year was the 1st time ever they enter her bedroom£ to play with her ( help with putting the toys together). YSWIM?? At least they are getting my point across I hope. I'm over this now. Thanks.