Xmas presents I am not happy and feeling like a child...

[sassyminder]

There was 2 couples and a single women at our home for Xmas, all from my usband family ( mother and father in law, brother in law with girlfriend and sister in law) and I made sure I bougtht them all of them gifts on behalf of me, my husband and dd.
For the lady's one hand made to order ( very pretty and one of a kind) handbag each, one expensive umbrella each and one L'occitane en provence set of 3 hand cream each. For the gentlemen I bouth 1 pringle of Scotland Polo Shirt, for FIL, Diesel Laptop Bag for BIL and Animal manbag for DH + L'occitane en Provence after shave for all of men.
Here is what I get:
2 primark pyjama bottoms from BIL and girlfriend (one is XXL and other is S, I am size 8 so only one is good)
1 hideous hat from SIL
1 bodycream from poundland from In Laws.

They really took the piss this year!
My husband and daughter got nice things obviously.
it is not all about presents, but it hurts see they give each other nice stuff and do this to me, I would rather them tell me what the fuck the problem is they have with me and give me absolutely nothing!!!
Next year I am going all the way to spend Xmas with my own family fuck them.
My DD is the only child in the family so they will be sad and alone.

And they won't have my hospitality ( yes I always host spending on food, drinks, eletricity and so on) even tough we work full time until the 23rd (hubby until 24th) and boxing day.

I don't blame my DH, he always waits for his bonus after new year to buy me nice presents, and this year I am getting an Iphone and Apple laptop.

Bitches.

carben do your guests leave unflushed shits and knickers lying around? That's not normal!

I am beginning to suspect that the OP is a wind up merchant - the way she's drip fed us ever more juicy morsels and scarcely credible events connected with the feud with the in-laws, a rags to riches story that doesn't stack up and the wildly varying command of English, just doesn't make sense!

Me too compos hat.

Mainly, I can't understand why the OP is being so adamant that they are 'two-faced' and she hates that, when she has clearly gone out of her way for people she evidently despises.

Were you short of money last year? I find it off that you would pay back a debt at £10 a week and then suddenly have over £1,000 spare just before Christmas. Surely you would have paid it back as soon as you had the money.

It strikes me that you arrived here when you were down on your luck, met your husband and now that you have made a success of it, seem bitter that you didn't set your sights a little higher.

You mention nothing about loving your husband, just about clearing off and leaving him and your daughter behind.

Very strange.

My 26 year old step daughter is very messy. If she , her partner and son stay over for a few days I stay away from their room. ! Everything leaves with them though. As for unflushed poohs - unless you're monitoring the bathroom how do you know who has done the deed. In my experience unflushed toilets are usually to do with children being a bit excited and 'forgetting'. I know of no adult who doesn't automatically flush although sometimes it may not be enough ! I feel like I'm potty training all over again.

OP - it's incredibly annoying when you extend a lot of hospitality to your DH/DP's family and they don't acknowledge it. I know exactly how you feel! My DP's mother died earlier this year after being ill with cancer for nearly three years. During that time I extended a lot of hospitality to DP's father - we had an open door policy whereby he could come to dinner whenever he was on his own, and I always made a "proper" dinner and made sure DP's father felt cherished and cared for. When DP's mother died, we saw a lot of DP's father for several months, invited him on our summer holidays etc. Frankly, I really put myself out and never got a word of thanks or any kind of acknowledgement, and never invited us out to dinner in return.

On my birthday following DP's mother death, DP's father sent me... a small bunch of flowers. This from a man who doesn't think twice of buying his grandchildren an iPad for their birthdays and who bought DP a birthday present worth over EUR 6,000.

I had a moan to DP about it and DP felt quite embarrassed for his father! Anyway, I got a nice juicy gift certificate for Christmas! I think you should talk to your DH about the way his family treats you.

A spell checker on a phone does not make you type like you have grown up in Basildon.

You WERE a total bitch to your little girl and you should be ashamed of yourself.

As for the rest - are we going to hear that they set fire to your dog next?

Okay first, I think people need to stop being suspicious about the OP's English. I have many friends who are not native English speakers who write similarly, a mix of formal and informal English -- and yes of course, slang. My own French DH has an impressive grasp of cockney curses thanks to his jobs in catering.

Second, as an expat myself, sometimes culture clash can make you really bonkers. From having a lot of Brazilian friends in London, it seems to me that the Brazilian and English cultures are radically different on so many levels, and this won't be helped if the ILs are also rude and passive-aggressive.

It makes you crazy because you don't understand why people are acting in certain ways, and why it's working out that you are the one with the problem. And, it feels like you can't trust anyone or believe what anyone says, which can make you feel paranoid. And then even when you try to fit in, it doesn't work, and everything feels even more crazy.

OP, I have to say, I really didn't have any sympathy for you with your initial posts, and especially seeing how you acted toward your daughter.

But thinking about it, I think probably you are feeling a bit lost and far from home. I can't say I've always acted reasonably as an expat either

I think you should just forget about the ILs and go on and live your life and be happy. (Do you know this saying: Happiness is the best revenge?)

This is important because already your problems with them are poisoning your relationship with your daughter, and probably your DH, and that needs to stop right away.

Ok so I have been living in Uk for nearly 7 years and I have a good command of English. It is a bad thing isnt it. ?? Foreigners obviously shouldn't be allowed to speak, write, read and understand YOUR language properly should they?? Now I have said more things about them because I really don't love them I put up with them tbh. Omg I might as well be the only person in the whole wide world who just put up with In laws!!!!! I tried to make a nica Xmas experience for everyone coming to my house and specially to DD now that she is 4 and understand a bit more and now that I have bit more money than previous years. Oh what a horrible person I am, I just put up with In laws but I dared buy them nice things instead of poundland stuff while their own son couldn't care less. And about my rags to riches story:: I'm by no mean rich. PIL, MIL and SIL have more than us. Well ate least they don't pay rent and don't have small child their earnings is for themselves. Anyway I came to UK as English student, met DH, got pregnant by surprise (OMG what a bitch I am) and decided to stay to give DD a proper family. If I fucked off to my country while pregnant my DD would probably even meet her dad as he could barely afford to rent a bedroom in a shared flat (yes I helped with my salary I worked until 8 months pregnant and had maternity leave). Once I started working part time and now full time and convinced DP to let me look after the finances we started to get better off as he is terrible with money. Anyway should I went back to Brazil I would have a better life than here but I decided to stay and be responsible and get on and all of them blood well know that, so maybe they are jealous too.

And I probably am as bad as everyone is thinking I'm and I probably deserve all the name calling. But I still think that it was bloody rude, cheeky and ungrateful of them to give me poundland cream while to others nicer stuff. Again it is NOT about the present, it is about the gesture.
but no one can get my point anyway so I better give up

Goodness, you do like your brand names don't you?

For some people, including me, brand names mean fuck all. Perhaps you should just stop spending quite so much and buy a token gift only.

Sorry you feel let down though.

I am worried now.

One SIL in particular spent a fortune on my DC. We gave her a box of home-made pickles, jelly and sloe gin. Hope she's not bitching about me......I shouldn't think so though.

Thanks Dreamingboehmian. I've just read your post.

It is the last time I'm gonna say it is not about the presents not the brand names or price tag. I might aswell write in Portuguese if nobody can understand me. Imagine if my English wasn't as good, it would probably sound like Chinese
to you.

None of what you say excuses the way you spoke about your daughter. Others can feel sympathetic if they wish: I think you come over as a thoroughly nasty piece of work.

OP I have a similar issue, in that my IL's buy both me and DH either nothing at all, or extremely shit presents that no thought has gone into, despite us always trying to but gifts we think they will like/need/appreciate.
This year we told them we are sick of this and would be buying for the children (nieces and nephews) only. It made for a much better Christmas believe me!

Well it is fine call me names I deserve. But it doenst excuse my in laws behaviour and poundland shite either.

Your receipt of "Poundland shite" does bother you doesn't it? And you think they should be overflowing with good feeling towards a spoilt little madam who borrows money then treats them like something she scraped from her shoe once they've outlived their usefulness? You despise them and take no trouble to hide it. You're a user, pure and simple from where I'm standing.

Not to mention the unspeakable attitude towards your own daughter...

Oh, and has your husband arrived home with suitable presents for you yet?

And as I said before a part from SIL, the others hardly opened my package ( I wrap all together instaed of given lots of parcels) and didn't make any commnet. Funny when the didn't like my gifts prvious years they made sure they made a joke about it

And they are the ones wrting on Xmas cards : meerry xmas hope u get everything u want. Pathetic.

It is the last time I'm gonna say it is not about the presents not the brand names or price tag.

I'm sorry but that is absolute horse manure.

The title of your original post is 'Xmas presents I am not happy and feeling like a child.' You spend most of the original post slagging off the 'poundland shite' that other people have bought you and the rest of the post bragging about what you've spent on them.

To claim otherwise is an insult to the intelligence of others.

It is the last time I'm gonna say it is not about the presents not the brand names or price tag

I'm sorry but that is absolute horse manure. The title of your original post is 'Xmas presents I am not happy and feeling like a child.' You spend most of the original post slagging off the 'poundland shite' that other people have bought you and the rest of the post bragging about what you've spent on them. To claim otherwise is an insult to the intelligence of others

Absolutely.

If you already disliked them so much I can't get my head around why you were daft enough to spend so much on them anyway? surely a token gift would be fine?

I also hate it when people complain that they haven't got great stuff but the children have - well sorry I would rather get nothing/much less and people spend money on DS!

But it is about a perceived slight from your ILs. And the slight is apparently manifesting itself via the presents you are being given.

Alright. It is stabilished I have been unreasonable and I do agree with you all calling me all the names and pointing out my failures and bad character. I agree, I really do. I will reflect on that for New Year (in laws are coming again by the way). But I still think in laws have been unreasonable too. Maybe I will change my mind when I manage to become a better person. I don't know yet what is happening next year but DH is in charge of Xmas shopping.

This is just bizarre.

You bang on about how gifts aren't important to you because you appreciate the real meaning of Christmas etc etc. But then you spend a lot of money on expensive presents for people you dislike, when you were very recently substantially in debt to some of those people. AND you are annoyed with your husband for not going out and buying you better gifts in addition to the large gifts he is getting you in the new year.

I can quite understand you feeling that you have been singled out for different treatment and feeling upset about it, but you are sending out very mixed messages on this thread, so perhaps your inlaws are equally confused, and possibly offended?

As for your treatment of your child on the telephone, well words fail me. None of this is her fault. Even if your in-laws are plotting some evil plan against you, your child is entirely innocent and you were a complete cow to her.

I have some sympathy with your initial issue about the disparity in gifts, but I have great difficulty in continuing with that sympathy given some of your subsequent unpleasant behaviour and comments.

And you clearly are a bit hung-up on the cultural differences - you don't seem to have a high opinion of the English....