AIBU to expect my 15 year old son to revise for his GCSE exam in January?

[kaylathecat]

My very nice (but not very academic) son has a GCSE exam in mid January. It counts for about 30% of his final grade with a further exam in the summer. I really want him to do well so that it will boost his confidence for future exams. He wants to do well and tells me he wants to get a B. However he is very reluctant to revise. Before Christmas he was doing about 5 minutes a day on his own (after much prompting) with BBC Bitesize (great site) and then I would test him for about 10 minutes (or as long as he would tolerate me) and he seemed to quite enjoy demonstrating his knowledge. If I suggest he studies for longer, or more often, he just refuses and no amount of cajoling or moaning or anything else seems to get him to study. However he's not going to do great on just this short amount of time. I'd rather not just leave him to fail (as school suggests he will without some serious revising) so does anyone have any ideas? We're due to start revision again tomorrow.

Anyfucker, if it is of any comfort to you, I learnt a long time ago that some of the hardest teenagers grow into some of the nicest adults. When I first started teaching, there were so many little s*ds in my classes, teenagers I truly beleived would never be anything but trouble, criminal, even mad. Just shows how ignorat I was, I still meet students from decades ago around town, and on buses nd trains, and many of those I truelly beleived were totally hopeless cases are in factt lovely. One boy I was sure was sychopathic is now one of the most trusted and best respected local policemen. Anoother who I thought incapable of any form of reasonable conversation is now a successful business woman, an amazing mother, and a very active fundraiser for an animal charity. I could go on!

All sorts of things change in teenagers brains, then they change again, and lo and behold you have a lovely human! For example, I've flearnt in trianing to teach criminal teenagers that for a certailn period during puberty, we loose the ability to read facial expressions, and this develops again years later. I suppose in evolutionary terms this could be something to do with young teenagers needing to fight and compete with each other, for status, etc, and to prevent them empathising too much with rivals they have to compete with? I don't know, that is just my own idea, but it does explain all the " she gave me a dirty look" type aggro we get in schools.

Anyway, I sympathise with your situation, and I'm sure your daughter will turn out just fine, and will appreciate all the love and effort you are putting in.

thanks, crab

can I lay my head on your shoulder for a bit ?

tsc is busy is somewhere

(((hug)))

To be honest, I'd ease off the arm-twisting over the GCSE revision for the time being. What I would do is try and get him to think creatively about his post 16 options. From what you've said the AS/A2/University route may not be for him and you'd unwise to try and shove him down that route if he's already disengaged and struggling.

Maybe something vocational might be better, what are his interests? What is he good at? Try and look together at college/apprenticeship/training options. At the moment the GCSEs probably seem a bit purposeless and no relevance to his future life, but if you can kindle some spark of enthusiasm for a particular course/career, then he has a target to aim for, especially as popular courses and apprenticeships will be extremely competitive and require a number of GCSE passes.

I don't think nagging is ever productive and I'm cynical about micro-managing too (sixth set of GCSEs coming up in May).

I'd make sure he knows exactly what's at stake and then leave him to it, with infrequent reminders if he appears to be doing nothing at all.

another massive row today

I laid off over xmas (since she broke up last weds, actually)

but when I saw no effort or thought to doing anything, even though she has an English gcse next wk, and from tomorrow until mon we will be away from t'internet, I gave her a reminder

a gentle one to begin with, when I saw she was preparing to watch yet another re-run of the Fucking Kardashians

cue an hour of arguing, shouting, denials that she knows what to do, the teachers are crap, BBC Bitesize is crap, she doesn't want to do it

yet again, she has had all priveliges revoked (Dad had promised to drive her back from where we are staying over NY so she can go to a party on NYE), phone, pick-ups etc

this is how it goes

we back off for a few days...and the cycle begins again. Ending with bad feeling all around. She does some work eventually . Why can't she just do it ? She wastes 10x more time arguing and upsetting everyone (including herself)

I will not let her give up though. Not until every exam is over. If she fucks them up...she can never say we weren't interested and didn't give her every opportunity and push we could.

Is there a spare shoulder going ?

sorry your having such a difficult time

tsc ...if my dd was at the pub, I would understand more honestly

but she never leaves the fucking house

just traipses round all day in her pj's foraging for food and watching The Fucking Kardashians and Rihanna videos back to back

and no, she isn't depressed.....simply utterly lazy

mary thankfully, the depth of my problems are not on a par to those of your ds1. By luck, and not judgement, I reckon.

Can I join this club please, Science exams in January, he has a past paper to complete and I've bought the revision guide book. Like AF, I laid off before Christmas but now I want to see some action.

The hardest part for me is recognising myself, I didn't do a jot of revision, didn't really care but if I'd have had the Internet and MTV to amuse myself with I wouldn't have even read a novel.

Al , come join. I have broad shoulders.

I don't know what is the hardest.

Whether you recognise your own lazy self. Or, like me, I worked very hard despite having no family support to do so, and not much interest either. Mind you, it clicked with me very early on that I was on my own IYSWIM (long story)

Maybe that's it. Maybe my dd doesn't have the hunger because she has such a nice life, and thinks everything will fall into her lap, because actually it pretty much always has (she hasn't been spoiled with material things, I simply mean nasty things have never touched her life...and I am glad of it). She sees mum and dad going out to work, we have nice things (within reason) and it all looks so effortless when you have been doing it for 25 years I suppose. Teenage naivety, that life is that simple, I guess.

I cannot tell you how many conversations we have had about this, but she doesn't believe a word of it. She is also under the imprssion that none of her mates are doing any revision either. Silly girl.

She has buckled down and done an hour of English, going over past papers. It took another hour to make her do it, and the threat of no party on NYE. She didn't do it for me, she didn't do it for herself, she did it to go the party. Oh well, it worked. Until tomorrow, and we start all over again

I don't care if nobody is reading. I am getting it off my chest

mary, I didn't mean for you to be sorry in mentioning your ds1. I meant what I said. She is a good girl in many ways. I am thankful for that. My coronary arteries are thankful for that.

crab I meant to say thanks for reading earlier, but my Sky crashed

Could you sit down with him and help him draw up a realistic timetable? If you show him - visually - how much time he has in the day, and encourage him to fit in a couple of 20mn revision sessions (followed by 'rewards', e.g. xbox, swim, tv), that might help him focus. With a bit of organisation, he will see that it is possible to fit in revision alongside sport / social life / films etc.

Also, check that he is aware of different ways to revise, e.g. mindmaps, using postcards to get the key facts in an accessible format, looking at old exam papers. Your son's subject teacher should be able to provide him with some exams of old questions / model answers.

Even though it's desirable for 15 year olds to be self-motivated, independent learners, etc., it's not a bad idea to show them how to do it IMHO.

"The Hunger" is something that dh and I discuss lots. Neither of us worked hard academically but started work young and did ridiculous hours in ridiculous industries thanks to the hunger.

I wish there was a switch that would turn it on.

i wonder if your DC have any idea what they aspire to be / do when they finish school cos my DS2 has recently become very studious when a teacher suggested he could aspire to university and for some reason it appealed to him, he has become very competitive over grades with 'swotty types' at school which from my point of view is great! DS1 however hated school and had no aspirations at all so to give AF, and others who are struggling, some hope, he has after 2 apprentice experiences decided for himself to go back to college and is having a whole different experience to school. I think they must want it for themselves for any effort to be put in and hard as it is as parents we have to be able to watch from the sidelines and pick up the bits when it goes wrong. you can't do it for them and remember school is not the B all and end all if they don't want to / can't mangage to get the GCSE grades then it is not the end of the world, there are other options to pursue and once they see others earning and spending, then that has an uncanny knack of providing a focus that being at school with parental finances does not.

yes, we had angst in November, now January, I think more around Easter time (another thing dd does is be very bloody economical with the truth ie. not tell us what she has coming up [fgrr] ) and then finally in May

I will need a CABG by then !

Lagrandissima All good suggestions thank you. We may have to start with an agreed getting up time for the rest of the holiday.

Poor DS1 (16) is working through an AS maths paper as I type.I agree exams 3 days after xmas hols is pants!

mince I know students can go back to college at a later date, do resits etc

but the way things are financially, we could not support her in that if she throws away this "free" pass she gets in yr 11

we have told her this..that she would have to fund her own future studies (and it is getting more and more expensive, as we know)

the easiest, and most efficient way is to work for the exams the first time around (like we did...). To see her not care if she messes them up, stand by and let her think we would fund her trying again when she can be bothered is not something that sits well with me

DS has a biology module in January and again, he doesn't seem to be doing much work but I don't believe in nagging.

He knows what he needs to do and who to blame if he doesn't get a good mark. He bought the revision guide himself and I think that as he's going to be an adult in 8 months time it would be ridiculous for me to be hassling him about revision. If he wants to go to Southampton to do politics and then in the Army as an officer he has to get at least AAB in his Alevels. He knows this & it's up to him to get on and achieve it.

If he messes up this module it has an effect on his overall marks, and he may not get into any University at all and may end up doing a crap job or none at all, but that has to be his decision.

Last time I went in his room he was playing Assassin's Creed with his mate