AIBU to think couples should take two bottles of wine with them when going to a friend's home for dinner?

[ImperialBlether]

Just wondering what you thought.

If a single person goes to dinner at a friend's home, he/she takes a bottle of whatever it is they like to drink. Usually wine. It doesn't really matter if they only drink 1/3 of the bottle, they still take the whole bottle and, if they are normal, they don't take the rest of the bottle home with them.

So if you are a couple, you should take two bottles, shouldn't you? Why is it then that so many will take one bottle between them, because they are a 'unit'?

It was the reference to couples/singles paying for taxis that sparked this off - still not sure why couples think they should only pay for one fare, but that's another thread.

Btw I'm so glad I actually like our friends and none of us get this petty about a few quid taxi fare. Bottoms up!

It depends on the people involved though, doesn't it, and how much money they have?

I've been to dinner parties where the guest bring the bulk of the wine and the hosts provide the dinner and I've been to others where the hosts have provided everything.

I would hate people to feel they couldn't invite friends to dinner because they couldn't afford alcohol for a large number of people.

The dinner I was referring to above was one where the guests were bringing the wine.

Me too, Serenity. I'm glad my friends aren't petty, too.

"What's worse is sometimes when I have playdates a few of my friends bring a gift - to playdates?"

oh I hate that too! its suddenly boomed! where did it come from? its a PLAY DATE! I'm standing my ground on that one!

If dh and I thought the party was hosted by people who were struggling, or if we both planned to drink, I would bring extra. Most people would.
My friends are happy to say 'do you want to come to supper. We can provide food, can you bring booze' and we would bring loads.

The scenario you are talking about has never happened because we like our friends and we just try to be sensitive to what is appropriate. And sometimes turning up with two bottles of wine would look rude.

So I still think the per person bottle scenario is odd but because I think you are over thinking it and under estimating people. Not because you are Felicity. Or Bob for that matter.

I wish I could resist reading threads like this, they always make me feel really inadequate.

As posted up thread, we don't always take anything at all, generally only if it's a special occasion and obviously group contribution situations - it's not because we're stingy bastards or treating ourselves as one unit, it's because we would NEVER normally buy drinks of any kind for ourselves, it's just not in our budget. If we invite others to ours it's always in a group contribution scenario for the same reason.

We can't afford to randomly give gifts every time we go out to dinner, people still invite us so I assume that the reason they still invite us is because they enjoy our company and not to use us as a starting point for their wine collection.

Yeah, ImperialBlether, if I felt the friends were struggling, I would bring more, of course. But then I'm happy to discuss that in my group of friends, I definitely wouldn't feel ashamed to say "we're skint atm, could you bring your own wine?"

It's easier to just be straight about stuff.

I'm not sure I'd change my behaviour if I knew they were struggling. It's a bit patronising isn't it? They're adults, they wouldn't invite you round if they couldn't afford to feed and drink you.

(I say Never - I have just bought DH a bottle of wine for Christmas. I think that will make it the first bottle we have bought for ourselves all year)

YABU

Serenity - that's what I meant by 'sometimes turning up with two bottles would be rude'
It depends on the scenario, the people and other stuff doesn't it.

Te
Don't feel bad. I would not expect guests to bring something, but am delighted if they do. We had DH's cousin come to stay for a couple of nights and they brought a small gift, which was appreciated but not necessary.

A great thank you gift is a Lottery Ticket, btw. I do that sometimes. Only costs £1.

What Pagwatch said.

Sometimes, when we go to friends for dinner we bring a bottle of wine, sometimes 2 if we know there's going to be lots of people. Sometimes, we bring a "dolce" (cake) or ice cream, depending on what's the agreement with the friend who is hosting dinner.
Sometimes it's cheese, or a good salame... This is obviously what we do with friends we know well.

When you are invited to someone you don't know that well you bring a bottle as a present, not as a form of compensation. I think that theoretically the host shouldn't even open a bottle bought by a guest on that particular event.

brought

My sill brings flowers or biscuits she has made. Really nice.

tbh my friendships aren't that transactional. And my friends wouldn't be hung up about that sort of thing either.

We take two bottles with us. I always thought it's bestter to err on the side of generosity.

It riles me to DEATH when people fart around with the bill too much. I get quite tut-ty and sigh loudly

I have never given or received a salami.

Pinot.

Yes, I know my friends don't care - if they did I'd think less of them. I do home baked stuff a fair bit and am happy to give up my time and I know they appreciate that.

Pinot, I am in Italy. We are quite fond of our salame , so it is quite a good item to bring to a dinner party, especially if it's a felino or a varzi...

I would LOVE a salami! Hate getting wine as a gift from people who know full well I never touch the stuff (and I always have red and white ready for the guests). Some people who know me well bring me flowers now which is nice but some cheese or nice meats or something would be FAB!

but usually we do the dance with the wine cause people are so terrified of going to someones house without bringing them wine that they bring it knowing full well that I hate the stuff and will just re-gift it! tis silly!

Ww would bring two and usually flowers/chocs because we mix in boozy circles, but I agree that it's a gift for hosts so not expected to be drunk then and there.

An EX friend used to say to me before we were going out that she would only be drinking one or two glasses of wine so I should buy the bottle (and she wouldn't contribute, ever).
Same friend would then proceed to drain MY glass dry all evening. She behaved exactly the same in restaurants. discounting herself from the alcohol part of the bill as she'd only had 'a couple' of glasses.
One of many reasons why she is an ex friend btw. Also a trust fund girl so being skint was not an excuse.

Btw I would love a salami too! I think food gifts are always appreciated.

For a dinner I wouldn't necessarily bring any wine. I would probably bring flowers, chocolates or some other token of appreciation. I would not expect it to be opened there and then. Actually I would tend to avoid bringing wine as I don't know enough about it. If you are going to spend £5 on a small gift for the host(ess) you can only get a cheap wine which probably isn't very good quality. A £5 piece of stilton on the other hand, or some other treat that you know the host would enjoy, doesn't make you look a cheapskate.
If it is clearly stated that everyone should bring a bottle, then DH and I would bring 1 bottle of wine and 1 nonalcoholic drink because about half the guests will be driving.

I keep trying to type I'd like your salame Franca but it sounds so roooood.

I shall desist the salami/salame chat.