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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think couples should take two bottles of wine with them when going to a friend's home for dinner?

167 replies

ImperialBlether · 23/12/2011 16:05

Just wondering what you thought.

If a single person goes to dinner at a friend's home, he/she takes a bottle of whatever it is they like to drink. Usually wine. It doesn't really matter if they only drink 1/3 of the bottle, they still take the whole bottle and, if they are normal, they don't take the rest of the bottle home with them.

So if you are a couple, you should take two bottles, shouldn't you? Why is it then that so many will take one bottle between them, because they are a 'unit'?

It was the reference to couples/singles paying for taxis that sparked this off - still not sure why couples think they should only pay for one fare, but that's another thread.

OP posts:
Chandon · 23/12/2011 16:19

If I invite friends for dinner, I also invite (IE PAY) for the wine.

I buy enough food and wine, as I want to INVITE them.

Whatever they bring is a gesture of goodwill.

reallytired · 23/12/2011 16:19

I don't expect my guests to bring flowers or wine or chocs. Its nice if they do, but I accept the gift. I am sad in that I have not drunk in years and neither do my guests.

My guests are there to enjoy my hospitality. I don't expect payment in wine.

Original poster
ImperialBlether · 23/12/2011 16:21

Sorry, can't use your username, YOS! Too derogatory for me. But the taxi thing was if a couple and a single person got a taxi home, whether the bill would be split in three (which I think) or whether it should be split in two, with the couple and the single person paying the same amount.

OP posts:
YouOldSlag · 23/12/2011 16:24

Oh don't be shy! I don't mind being called You Old Slag! The taxi thing stinks. what kind of tight arse couple would count themselves as one when using a cab?

fluffytowels · 23/12/2011 16:28

Surely it's a thank you gift, not an entry fee Confused. I would only expect one bottle from a couple but would expect it to be decent (not bothered about cost, just quality). I wouldn't mind if so someone bought flowers or chocolates or anything else - even nothing.

Original poster
ImperialBlether · 23/12/2011 16:34

Plenty, YOS. You wouldn't believe the other thread. It's happened already on this thread.

But fluffytowels, would you expect a couple to bring a better bottle than a single person, then?

And no, I know - I'm the same and don't mind who brings what. It's just something I notice if I'm the one going out.

OP posts:
azazello · 23/12/2011 16:36

We'd take one bottle but probably very nice or champagne and not expect to drink it. If we're asked to byob, we'd bring more but less nice. DH only drinks water though so we vdon't need to provide much booze to cover ourselves.

OTOH, I was slightly irritated when we turned up at DH's best friend's house to which we had travelled for 2.5 hours. Handed over nice wine plus flowers as new house gift and were promptly handed a glass each of warm lambrini to last the evening.

NinkyNonker · 23/12/2011 16:37

I think some couples would argue that if going to two destinations then the fee is split between destinations, not passengers. I can see both sides. But, as I don't drink, we don't get taxis either so I've never encountered it to be honest!

LineRunnerCrouchingReindeer · 23/12/2011 16:42

I hate it when couples regard themselves as a One Paying Unit when buying rounds in a pub.

So I buy them two large whiskeys, and they - between the two of them - buy me a half of cider.

sunshinesue · 23/12/2011 16:42

We usually bring the amount we expect to drink, maybe a posher version of our usual plonk on the basis that when I INVITE people for dinner I do it becuse I want to do something nice for friends. I'd feel terrible if there was an expensive bottle of wine left over as I invited them because I enjoy their company, not to restock my booze cabinet. I don't care what people bring as I've already bought enough for all, though a gesture is nice it's not expected (by me anyway).

Taxi's though, 3 passengers, fare split between 3. At the pub, 3 drinkers, 3 rounds.

slavetofilofax · 23/12/2011 16:50

Dh and I would take one bottle of wine and probably diet coke if we were going to someones house for dinner as DH rarely drinks. Even if he did drink though we would probably only take one bottle. That's because you take a bottle as a thank you, not because you are expected to cover what you drink.

I wouldn't invite peopel for dinner and expect them to provide their own food, same goes with drink imo.

I would also not expect to pay two thirds of a taxi in a situation where a single friend and dh and I were getting a taxi from the same destination to our houses in the same road (for example). If Dh or I were on our own the single would have to pay half, as would either of us. I don't really see why someone else should get the same journey cheaper just because there are two of us.

As dh doesn't drink, it never happens though. WHat is much more likely to happen is that we split a bill in a restaurant and DH pays the same as all the others that have been drinking. So it's swings and roundabouts. It shouldn't really matter between friends anyway.

Annpan88 · 23/12/2011 16:51

Is this what its come to? People feeling put out that people don't bring enough gifts when invited to their house? Oh the pitfalls of surburbia.
[Grin]
FWIW I thought it was a gift not a 'I'm going to drink 2 bottles so that's what I've bought'

SevenAgainstThebes · 23/12/2011 17:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Butkin · 23/12/2011 17:15

If we host a party we don't expect anybody to bring anything and if they do bring wine it would be pleasantly received whilst thinking they shouldn't have bothered as we are well known for not being big drinkers. Chocs would go down better!

Similarly when we go to people's houses we take one bottle of wine if we know they like a bottle but we certainly wouldn't expect them to serve it on the night because we presume they will have picked specific wines according to the meal and one odd bottle will just mess things up. In the summer time we're more likely to take flowers.

At Christmas we do take 2 bottles of Pol Roger but that is just so we can get ride of the stuff!

RainboweBrite · 23/12/2011 17:27

YABU about the bottles. I am grateful if someone /a couple I invite bring a bottle, but I don't expect it from them. I always bring a bottle too, or if I go with DH, usually just a bottle. I agree that taxis or pub rounds in examples given should be split 3 ways.

Jinsel · 23/12/2011 17:40

I wish people wouldn't bring wine. Nobody drinks the blardy stuff cos they're driving and then we're left with it to hide away until we get invited somewhere so we can give it away again.

I've just poured bottles of the filthy muck down the drain

OhdearNigel · 23/12/2011 17:43

I didn't realise going to a soiree at someone's house was a quasi-commercial transaction where you bring 1 gift per head.

I'm glad I don't have to come to your do's, OP

EndoplasmicReticulum · 23/12/2011 17:45

I wouldn't, as I'd be driving. I'd take one wine, one soft-drink-wine-substitute thing.

ReduceRecycleRegift · 23/12/2011 17:46

YABU because I hate the whole bottle exchange thing anyway, you bring a bottle of wine to mine, I bring one back to yours....

I don't even drink wine! neither does my DH! we still bring ONE bottle to our hosts because someone decided you have to... so now we should bring 2? err no!

OhdearNigel · 23/12/2011 17:47

Butkin, you can send me your Pol Roger. I'll even pay the postage

Hulababy · 23/12/2011 17:48

How much we take depends on where we are going and for how long, and whether we ill be drinking much or not.

On a Friday night we have friends here or go to theirs. We generally take two - fizz for me and female friend, red for DH and male friend - as it is what we prefer.

But if visiting friends for a weekend we will often only take one bottle even though we drink more than that. Because it evens out and they do the same visiting us.

And if going to others for a more formal meal - probably just take the one. We have been invited as guests. The bottle of wine is a gift, not necessarily intended to be drunk at all that night.

Xmasbaby11 · 23/12/2011 17:48

I wouldn't notice/mind unless it happened often. Usually these things even themselves out between friends and it doesn't do to keep count between visits.

On a related theme though, I'd like to moan that I had 4 friends over the other night (I am 39 weeks pg so not drinking) - each brought a bottle but they ran out quickly and ended up drinking two bottles of my wine as well. I wouldn't have minded so much, but a. they didn't ask before polishing off one in the fridge I was keeping to cook with, and b. we are skint!

LoopyLoopsWoopDeWoops · 23/12/2011 17:48

I didn't get an invite.

yellowraincoat · 23/12/2011 17:49

YABU. If someone thinks to bring a bottle of wine/chocolates/whatever, that's nice, but I never expect it and I certainly wouldn't think "omg The X Family only took ONE bottle of wine, how RUDE."

yellowraincoat · 23/12/2011 17:51

Xmasbaby, it was rude of your friends not to ask, but if they had asked, what would you have said? If anyone asks for anything food/drinks-wise in my house, I'm happy to give it to them.