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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think couples should take two bottles of wine with them when going to a friend's home for dinner?

167 replies

ImperialBlether · 23/12/2011 16:05

Just wondering what you thought.

If a single person goes to dinner at a friend's home, he/she takes a bottle of whatever it is they like to drink. Usually wine. It doesn't really matter if they only drink 1/3 of the bottle, they still take the whole bottle and, if they are normal, they don't take the rest of the bottle home with them.

So if you are a couple, you should take two bottles, shouldn't you? Why is it then that so many will take one bottle between them, because they are a 'unit'?

It was the reference to couples/singles paying for taxis that sparked this off - still not sure why couples think they should only pay for one fare, but that's another thread.

OP posts:
Original poster
ImperialBlether · 23/12/2011 19:00

Hully, does that still stand if the SAHP is part of a wealthy couple and the single person isn't wealthy?

If I were a SAHP I wouldn't want to be treated differently.

OP posts:
Original poster
ImperialBlether · 23/12/2011 19:01

I didn't intend this to be a thread about how much people drink, though, reduce.

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 23/12/2011 19:03

The cab fare would be split in two, as it is going to two destinations, it does not cost more to ferry three people than it does for two however going to different places increases cost.

Original poster
ImperialBlether · 23/12/2011 19:04

What if it was going to one destination, Fabby?

OP posts:
ReduceRecycleRegift · 23/12/2011 19:04

in that case I think it would complicate things if the done thing was for each part of a couple to thank their host separately with a bottle, because then on the flip side when you visit a couple do you have to bring them a bottle each to thank them separately?

balances out that way I suppose, couple bring a bottle to single person, single person brings one bottle to a couple instead of two

the whole bottle thing is still stupid so lets not make it even more so by doubling it!

aldiwhore · 23/12/2011 19:06

I think if one couple and one single go to the same destination and the same time then the bill should be split 3 ways. If that helps!!

I do think though imp that if you're the divorcee/singleton, then your friends aren't being very generous/accomodating.

slavetofilofax · 23/12/2011 19:09

I didn't mean that budget mattered, I suppose I meant bank accounts but didn't want to write that because many couples don't share their finances.

You are looking for a black and white rule. I don't think there is one.

I don't think a single should have to subsidise a married couple, but I don't think a married couple should have to subsidise a single either. In the few times I have experienced it, the men have either split it between the two of them (with me being the only female) or dh has paid for a single girl on her own. Or someone pays for the taxi and someone else gets an extra round.

If a couple lives next door to a single so they share the same journey, why should the single have to only pay a third when the couple pays two thirds? The journey costs exactly the same. They would all be getting it cheaper, but the single would be getting the better deal if it was split three ways. In that situation, I don't see why splitting the bill 50/50 is sop outrageous, because you are only going to two adresses.

Limejelly · 23/12/2011 19:17

YABU

If you invite people to dinner then they are your guests. I always give wine (or whatever) as a gift to the hosts, not because I want to drink it. Confused

Surely you can't feel cheated because a couple have not given you a gift each?! That's just grabby imo.

Pagwatch · 23/12/2011 19:20

If I am goi g to someones house I usually take a bottle of wine and some chocolates. I did that before I was married, I do it now.

It is a gesture to the host. It isn't a financial exchange, a per head quid pro quo. To talk about it as if the per guest alcohol quantity matters is to diminish the gesture. And is a little absurd.

Make the gesture, don't make the gesture. But stop whining.

Original poster
ImperialBlether · 23/12/2011 19:21

When I go out with my friends, we split the bills according to how many people are there; that's whether it's taxis, drinks or whatever. We all earn similar amounts but if (say) one had lost his/her job, then everyone would chip in their share.

This is something I've noticed amongst other people; I don't mix socially with people like that!

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 23/12/2011 19:21

X-posted with lime jelly who said it better.

It is a gift to the host. Ffs

mayorquimby · 23/12/2011 19:21

"If a couple lives next door to a single so they share the same journey, why should the single have to only pay a third when the couple pays two thirds? The journey costs exactly the same."
because 3 people have shared a service and gotten the same benefit of the service each. So each should pay their share.
I'd find it absolutely bizarre if I got a taxi to the same spot with a couple and they expected me to pay half and each of them a quarter.

Original poster
ImperialBlether · 23/12/2011 19:22

I'm not whining, Pagwatch. That's unfair.

OP posts:
Original poster
ImperialBlether · 23/12/2011 19:23

Slave, do the maths!

"If a couple lives next door to a single so they share the same journey, why should the single have to only pay a third when the couple pays two thirds? The journey costs exactly the same. They would all be getting it cheaper, but the single would be getting the better deal if it was split three ways."

Each person is paying exactly the same!

OP posts:
Zimbah · 23/12/2011 19:25

I absolutely hate all this bringing of presents when you go for dinner. If I have people over for dinner, then I have chosen to invite them, I have prepared for the hassle of shopping, cooking etc, and am more than happy to do so. I don't expect guests to bring anything. Of course I say thank you if they do, but really I am relieved if they don't. Because then when I get invited out, it suddenly becomes a chore on me to choose and buy something, I usually forget, it's all a rush, I don't even drink wine so buying a nice bottle is difficult. It kind of spoils it a little bit - not the whole thing obviously but I do find it very annoying to have to do. But I feel obliged because it's the 'done thing'.

What's worse is sometimes when I have playdates a few of my friends bring a gift - to playdates? Aaaargh!

Pagwatch · 23/12/2011 19:33

Ok. It sounds whiny. My mistake.

A bottle of wine is a gift. It is not a per person contribution to the evening.

If a single person does not/cannot afford to buy a bottle their host won't mind.

If four people are in a taxi they should just contribute according to what seems fair based on the assumption that they like each other and faintly know each others circumstances.

This thread reads like one of those interminable evenings when felicity is outraged because she didn't eat any bread and wouldn't have ordered salad if she'd known it was extra....

MmeReindor · 23/12/2011 19:34

I would take a bottle, regardless if it were just me or me with DH going.

Never would occur to me to take two bottles, but I would take a decent bottle.

It is a gift, a token of appreciation.

Tbh, I would be a bit offended if someone were to bring two bottles, as if I were not to be trusted to have enough booze in the house.

We don't often get taxis, so would probably split the bill and we would pay the tips or someting.

OP
Are you one of those people who gets their iPhone out to split the bill in a restaurant?

MmeReindor · 23/12/2011 19:35

yy, Pag.

"oh, and Bob always takes the most expensive meal on the menu", Felicity went on.

Hullygully · 23/12/2011 19:39

hate that bob

Pagwatch · 23/12/2011 19:44

"fucking Bob" mumbles everyone else.

Bob belches noisily

MmeReindor · 23/12/2011 19:44

He is a right fecker, Bob is.

Always, always orders a single malt when someone else is buying and a cheap whisky when it is his round. Fecker.

Original poster
ImperialBlether · 23/12/2011 19:49

Nooooooooooooo I'm not one of those people who say, "I didn't have any olives so I'm not going to pay for them." Split the bill according to the number of people there, same for the tip, in my view and experience.

But actually that's all I'm saying here.

OP posts:
Serenitysutton · 23/12/2011 19:50

I take champagne or prosecco usually. It's a gift for the hosts though, not byo wine type deal. You shouldn't expect to drink it?

I take my friends a gift to thank them for inviting me round, don't contribute to the cost.

MmeReindor · 23/12/2011 19:51

yes, Serenity. I don't take wine expecting to drink it.

Pagwatch · 23/12/2011 19:52

Yep. The wine is a gift.

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