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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think couples should take two bottles of wine with them when going to a friend's home for dinner?

167 replies

ImperialBlether · 23/12/2011 16:05

Just wondering what you thought.

If a single person goes to dinner at a friend's home, he/she takes a bottle of whatever it is they like to drink. Usually wine. It doesn't really matter if they only drink 1/3 of the bottle, they still take the whole bottle and, if they are normal, they don't take the rest of the bottle home with them.

So if you are a couple, you should take two bottles, shouldn't you? Why is it then that so many will take one bottle between them, because they are a 'unit'?

It was the reference to couples/singles paying for taxis that sparked this off - still not sure why couples think they should only pay for one fare, but that's another thread.

OP posts:
ReduceRecycleRegift · 23/12/2011 18:36

REMAINDER of the bill that is

ReduceRecycleRegift · 23/12/2011 18:37

but if you're all at the same one stop then you pay the bill between you. It just happens it's really not complicated and doesn't involve any taxing "sums" LOL Grin

Original poster
ImperialBlether · 23/12/2011 18:39

Separate budgets is not relevant. Do you think a single person should subsidise a married couple which includes a SAHP?

Marriedandwreathedinholly - I wouldn't expect gifts, that's not the point of this thread. Nor is it about drinking two bottles of wine! It's a thread about married couples who see themselves as a financial unit when in the presence of other people. It's the same as the way some buy in rounds, where the married couple pays once, the other person pays once, etc.

OP posts:
Fregley · 23/12/2011 18:41

NO! dont expect anything at all

Hullygully · 23/12/2011 18:41

What if the single person is really wealthy and the couple are struggling with five children and a sick mongoose?

aldiwhore · 23/12/2011 18:42

If I've invited people for dinner, it includes wine, if someone brings a bottle or two - whoopeee - but its not expected. DH and I always take two, because I drink red and he prefers white.

Depends what the done thing is in your friendship circle I guess. I usually take flowers and a bottle, not to be drunk but as a wee gifty thank you.

If I'm the host, and I've not said otherwise, the evening is on me.

I do have a girl group who do night's in a lot... we formed an agreement early on that whoever hosted it was irrelevant, it was a co-op event. Out of 4 of us, one does the starter, one the main (usually the host), one the pudding and one brings 2 bottles of vino in addition to what everyone else is bringing...

aldiwhore · 23/12/2011 18:43

op I think you're over thinking this, and if you object so much to subsidising other people's drinking habits, then maybe dinner parties aren't for you.

LoopyLoopsWoopDeWoops · 23/12/2011 18:45

RRR, so in your case of the long road with person A living at one end and B and C at the other, A pays (eg.) £10 and B and C only pay £5 each, yet B and C are both going further. That makes no sense.

slavetofilofax · 23/12/2011 18:47

I don't think it has anything to do with singles subsidising marrieds. And it has even less to do with SAHP's. DO you think every family with a SAHP is rich or something? Confused

I generally find singles without dc tend to have more disposable income than those without dc, sah or not.

Anyway, it's about there being two stops in a taxi. Two stops, two payments. And as I have already said, that would be my perception of the expectation. Not what actually happens in reality.

slavetofilofax · 23/12/2011 18:49

Oops, screwed that up. Hope you can work out what I mean. Xmas Blush

Original poster
ImperialBlether · 23/12/2011 18:49

So you think I am subsidising other people's drinking habits?

I am a perfect dinner party guest, thank you! I like to go to dinner parties and to give them and I don't judge people who bring anything to my house.

I was at a dinner recently though where there were single people and couples. All of the singles brought a bottle of wine. All of the couples brought one bottle between them. (The wine that was brought was being drunk at the meal, as we knew in advance.)

OP posts:
LoopyLoopsWoopDeWoops · 23/12/2011 18:50

Maybe taxis work differently in London? Round here, length of journey determines cost.

aldiwhore · 23/12/2011 18:50

I live furthest away from anywhere than any of my friends. My usual taxi fare is £16 from the nearest town. Theirs is usually £8. They give me a couple of quid each (less than they'd usually pay) and I get a cheaper taxi.

You don't even need maths to work out that its not unfair, even if its not precise. To be honest, if anyone started getting a calculator out, I'd probably not go out with them again. yawn

Original poster
ImperialBlether · 23/12/2011 18:51

But slave, I asked earlier and can't see a reply.

What if the three people all got in and got out of the cab at the same time and place? What should the married couple pay and what should the single person pay, in percentage terms?

OP posts:
allohora · 23/12/2011 18:51

I would normally take one decent bottle. one of us usually drives. Myself would far rather receive one good bottle than two cheap ones but it's all appreciated Grin

allohora · 23/12/2011 18:52

I meant to say "Myself, I ..."

ReduceRecycleRegift · 23/12/2011 18:52

"yet B and C are both going further. That makes no sense"

not necessarily, might be like 2 points of a triangle from the off set. And in my group the person alone always gets dropped first so that noone is alone in the taxi so sometimes that means 2nd drop goes back on itself IYKWIM

Astronaut79 · 23/12/2011 18:52

WE always take more than we need; usually beer for dh and wine for me. Usually leave some there whihc is one of the joys of hosting a party; or so I vaguely remember (sighs wistfully whilst listenign to 2 yo getting ready for bed and contemplating 6 week old).

Original poster
ImperialBlether · 23/12/2011 18:52

And of course I don't think every SAHP is part of a wealthy couple! You were the one who said budget mattered.

OP posts:
ReduceRecycleRegift · 23/12/2011 18:54

particularly if the person on their own is a bit worse for wear (but in that case we usually pay the lot anyway and let them concentrate on getting in their door safely)

Hullygully · 23/12/2011 18:55

I think sahp should count as a half as they don't actually earn. Not a nil, like someone on benefits who has to be treated, but a half.

aldiwhore · 23/12/2011 18:55

So, imp what's your beef then? lol

Okay okay, maybe it was just a thought that you posted and not a great issue in you life, an interesting starting point for debate maybe? Fair enough... YANBU for that.

But breaking everything down into equal amounts in tedious and there are so many factors.

Most guests drink more than the bring, some drink less than they bring (whether a couple or alone) it really doesn't matter. Does it? Really?

The only single friend who comes to our house is a raving vacuum of all things alcoholic, so definitely outdrinks any couples who usually have to be up with the kids in the morning! We don't actually invite him round pre-chiristmas, he turns up with Lambrini or white lightening, and drinks all our Christmas Alco stock. He is the perfect guest however for January when we want rid of everything ready for our de-tox.

Maybe the issue is in fact timing.

carabos · 23/12/2011 18:55

I always take one bottle of champagne when going out as a guest to dinner whether alone or with DH. However, if it was going to be a large group - more than 4 or 5 people, I would take 2.

Original poster
ImperialBlether · 23/12/2011 18:59

That's all it was, aldiwhore - something that came up in another thread (about taxis) and then I went for that meal and just noticed that couples treated themselves as units. And that's fine when it's all couples, of course, but sometimes a divorcee slips through the net!

OP posts:
ReduceRecycleRegift · 23/12/2011 19:00

and back to the bottle issue, if DH and I are out together than only one of us lets their hair down properly because we got to go home and be responsible for a small child. I don't agree with both parents being completely sozzled if they're the only people in the house with young children. And so one of us usually drives, if we go out on our own we get taxis and have a drink