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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think couples should take two bottles of wine with them when going to a friend's home for dinner?

167 replies

ImperialBlether · 23/12/2011 16:05

Just wondering what you thought.

If a single person goes to dinner at a friend's home, he/she takes a bottle of whatever it is they like to drink. Usually wine. It doesn't really matter if they only drink 1/3 of the bottle, they still take the whole bottle and, if they are normal, they don't take the rest of the bottle home with them.

So if you are a couple, you should take two bottles, shouldn't you? Why is it then that so many will take one bottle between them, because they are a 'unit'?

It was the reference to couples/singles paying for taxis that sparked this off - still not sure why couples think they should only pay for one fare, but that's another thread.

OP posts:
mayorquimby · 23/12/2011 17:51

No one bottle is ok. You've invited them over, they're guests, the bottle is very much just a token of appreciaition rather than trying to pay their way.
Never encountered the taxi situation but that is straightforward trying to get out of paying something you actually owe,like when I have on occassion encountered couples who thought that they were only responsible for one round (i.e. their round) between them, as though the rest of us were expected to pay for my mates girlfriends drinks all night. That was bizarre.

hackmum · 23/12/2011 17:52

Oh dear. If we get invited out, which doesn't happen all that often, we usually take one bottle between us. Didn't know we'd been doing it wrong all those years:-(

But I have had friends come for dinner who haven't brought anything at all, so we're not the worst.

ReduceRecycleRegift · 23/12/2011 17:52

I also didn't think that what you brought should relate directly to what you drink, thought it was a token so as not to turn up empty handed - a gift! unless I'm pregnant them I bring my own non alcoholic fizz.

I do it when going round for a meal/drinks. For a weekend visit I don't bring wine but bring other gifts

ReduceRecycleRegift · 23/12/2011 17:53

wish we could just go visit some friend without having to root around for a bottle that someone brought us to re-gift TBH!

wine mings!

LRDtheFeministDragon · 23/12/2011 17:54

If my guests brought two bottles, I would assume they were suggesting they thought DH and I were lushes and would be amused. But I think some people would be a bit annoyed at the implication that the wine was for them to drink since it's rude to expect to drink your own wine isn't it? Kind of like saying you don't trust the host to provide nice enough stuff.

mercibucket · 23/12/2011 17:56

It's a thank you, not a bring your own event!
And on the taxi thing - would split per destination, regardless of number of people getting out at each place

mercibucket · 23/12/2011 17:56

It's a thank you, not a bring your own event!
And on the taxi thing - would split per destination, regardless of number of people getting out at each place

Llareggub · 23/12/2011 17:57

The round thing annoys me because neither DH or I drink so it ends up costing us a fortune if we go in rounds. I know it costs everyone the same and soft drinks are usually quite pricey but there is only so much diet coke I can drink in an evening!

We never take wine when going to other's for dinner, I usually take flowers or chocolates or something.

ReduceRecycleRegift · 23/12/2011 17:58

I've always split the taxi by number of drops not number of people too. That's what you're charged for so that's how you should split it.

LoopyLoopsWoopDeWoops · 23/12/2011 18:03

No, taxi per no. of passengers for sure.

ReduceRecycleRegift · 23/12/2011 18:07

Loopy if you're on a meter it costs per drop because of the slight detours and stops, if its a fix priced cab they charge per drop not per person. If I'm on my own in a cab that's going to stop twice I pay half, if its going to stop 3 times I pay at third, if out with DH and we share with a single friend who only pays a third, then by the time we pay they extra for the extra stop its comming up to what it would have cost to get a cab by ourselves and not hang around waiting for whoever we shared with (or left earlier than we wanted because of them)

DeWe · 23/12/2011 18:09

If we took 2 bottles of wine we'd be expecting the other couple to drink all but a bottle each.

Original poster
ImperialBlether · 23/12/2011 18:14

Slavetofilofax:

I would also not expect to pay two thirds of a taxi in a situation where a single friend and dh and I were getting a taxi from the same destination to our houses in the same road (for example). If Dh or I were on our own the single would have to pay half, as would either of us. I don't really see why someone else should get the same journey cheaper just because there are two of us.

Do you really think that's logical? If three people share a taxi, then all three are getting a cheaper fare than if they took separate taxis.

What about a situation where you had three friends living in the same road? Would you say two should pay half of the fare and the other one should pay the other half of the fare? No, of course you wouldn't, yet that's what you're suggesting you and your DH should do.

OhdearNigel:

*I didn't realise going to a soiree at someone's house was a quasi-commercial transaction where you bring 1 gift per head.

I'm glad I don't have to come to your do's, OP*

Of course it's not. I'm just saying that IF one is to take a gift, why should the couple take the same gift as the single person?

This is nothing to do with paying to go for a meal with friends, or your friends eyeing up what you've brought, but rather a thread to say couples often treat themselves as a unit, when actually they are two people.

OP posts:
Original poster
ImperialBlether · 23/12/2011 18:15

Reduce, that really doesn't make any sense at all! Why should it be you that wants to leave earlier? Why not your single friend?

OP posts:
ReduceRecycleRegift · 23/12/2011 18:18

Imperial, I don't understand, I said that when you cab share you often either leave earlier or later than you wanted to? you read single v married into that but I don't see why? same would happen if sharing with a couple or single sharing with single

Original poster
ImperialBlether · 23/12/2011 18:21

I understood you came to the conclusion that because you left earlier than you wanted, you should pay less.

Can you tell me this:

If you had 3 friends - two lived in one house, the other lived in the same road - who hired a taxi home one night, do you think they should pay equally?

Then, if the two friends were married and the other was single, do you think they should pay equally?

OP posts:
slavetofilofax · 23/12/2011 18:24

Yes I do think it's logical, because the taxi drive charges by destination, not by passengers.

3 separate friends means three separate addresses and three separate budgets, so of course they should split three ways. Thats not the same as one couple and one single where there are two adresses.

If thios situation happened to dh and I in RL though, I think Dh would probably pay the lot if it were a single girlfriend of ours, but if it were a single bloke I wouldn't be surprised if they happily offered to split it between the bloke and DH. I'm sure I'll get jumped on by the MN feminists, but whatever. Most of the blokes I know act gentlemanly.

Original poster
ImperialBlether · 23/12/2011 18:25

What about the example I gave, slave? The one where everyone lives in the same street.

OP posts:
Original poster
ImperialBlether · 23/12/2011 18:25

Three separate budgets has absolutely nothing to do with anything.

OP posts:
JingleBelleDameSansMerci · 23/12/2011 18:29

I'm Shock at the taxis. Can't believe fare wouldn't be split by number of passengers...

ReduceRecycleRegift · 23/12/2011 18:30

if everyone lives on the same street and gets out at the same part of the street then it's logical to split it by person, if it's a very long street and one person gets out at one end and the others get out at the same stop a mile down the road then 1st should pay 1/2 and 2nd and 3rd should split it 1/4 each.

the meter runs at stops, even with same street it can involve a less direct route to the last drop, or fixed price charge an extra couple of quid per stop

marriedandwreathedinholly · 23/12/2011 18:31

If I host a dinner party I do not expect anybody to bring anything. They are our guests and we have invited them and as such we offer them food and drinks in the quantity they require. If singles or couples bring a bottle of wine, some flowers of some chocolates I am very very pleased.

I don't remember the last time anyone came here and got blind drunk but then dh and I are positively ancient and well past that sort of thing.

Usual drinks - g&t, something sparkly when people arrive, plenty fo soft drinks, dh organises wine - something for each course (probably just a glass though) and usually we will have some port or some liquers at the end if everyone is feeling in a boozy mood.

We rarely open a bottle that anyone brings because it usually is not the right temperature and is not the same as dh has decided to serve.

I think YABU. It is very rude to expect guests to bring a gift at all although it is lovely if they do.

Hullygully · 23/12/2011 18:32

RRR I have now made a mental note never to go out with you anywhere. You would relaly do those sums? REALLY?

slavetofilofax · 23/12/2011 18:32

I think three separate budgets is relevant.

Anyway, I think it often comes down to individuals in reality, like I already explained. This is why I like going out with dh because I just let him sort out paying both our shares.

ReduceRecycleRegift · 23/12/2011 18:35

its not quantum physics! 1st drop pays up, 2nd drop split by people getting out together.
It just seems to happen automatically, noone DISCUSSES what's going to happen, if you're getting out second the first person just hands you money and when you come to check it at pay up time it's usually about half then between you and the other person getting out with you you pay the bill, it's not rocket science!