Another ruined Christmas here - SD and DH hate me and if truth be told, the feelings are mutual

[NowIveDoneIt]

Oh my where to start. When DSD came to live with us she brought with her their pet dog. I love dogs but I never expected the dog to be so wild. It has never had any form of discipline and basically just does what the hell it likes. Sleeps on beds, eats off Human's plates, you name it. I have tried to suggest training but like with everything else in this house, I may as well talk to the dog itself.
So yesterday I had a particularly hard and long day at work. 13 hour shift, 7am until 8pm. Half hour break inbetween, barely ate anything all day and by the time I got home I was starving and tired.
I come through the front door at 8.30 and the dog flew at me, knocked me back into the front door and the handle dug directly into a rib. Very much in pain I shouted "no" at the dog and pushed it away. I went into the kitchen to find DH and DSD stood talking. Trying to remain calm to avoid a row I said something along the lines of "see, this is why the dog needs training, it's just jumped up me and knocked me flying into the front door". As soon as I finished speaking they both collapsed into fits of giggles and DSD then starts making a fuss of the dog saying stuff like "Oh you naughty boy! were you excited?? aww bless!" etc etc.
Ignoring the obvious goading here I shove my dinner into the microwave and stand there waiting for it to cook. DSD then starts saying "oh 'fluffy' was on your bed fast asleep today, you shouldve seen him, he looked so cute!" DH then said her name in a "you're taking it too far" type warning and she toddled off giggling into the living room. I took my dinner out of the microwave and walked into the living room with it. The dog followed me, constantly nudging my arm, walking into me etc so I said "DH will you PLEASE control the dog". DSD then muttered "god" and tutted at me. Totally ignored, as usual I sat down with my dinner and the dog sat directly in front of me, staring at me and drooling. I HATE this at the best of times but knew one more incident would cause a row and I just wanted to eat my tea so I ignored it. DSD sits there giggling watching the dog. After a few minutes the dog takes a chance and tries to connect with my plate. I shout "NO!" at it and push its head away with my hand. DSD then shouts "oh my god, dad has just punched the dog in the face!!" DH comes in and says "why would you do that???" I said "I never PUNCHED the bloody thing! I pushed it!" and he replied with "oh well I'll just push you around then, see how you like it shall I!"

Now at this point I really am in danger of exploding so I say "tell you what, go and fuck yourself, you're clearly an imbecile incapable of reason. I'm eating upstairs". I KNOW I SHOULD NOT HAVE SAID IT.

I go upstairs and he shouts after me "no need to take it out of me and DSD and the dog just because you've had a bad day, lots of people work long hours, not just you!". I ignore this.

So I'm sat on my bed, eating my dinner (ffs) and I hear the unmistakable sound of DSD and the dog running up the stairs. A few minutes later the bedroom door flies open, the dog flies in, jumps straight onto the bed and knocks my dinner EVERYWHERE. DSD stands there, mortified and runs downstairs telling DH that she had "accidently" opened our bedroom door and the dog had "accidently" knocked my dinner everywhere and I was about to kick the dogs head in. At no point did I suggest I would be kicking anyone's head in. DH then runs upstairs saying "don't kick off, it was an accident!".

Now this is the bit that pushed the whole thing from a family row to divorce cards I think. Covered in korma sauce and past caring I popped my head into DSDs bedroom and said "Well, because of your stupid behaviour the dog is going to the vets tomorow to be put to sleep".

I don't know why I said it. I wish I hadn't. I can't explain what on earth made me do that but the next thing I know she is howling in her room and DH is shouting at me that I'm an evil little bitch and he wants a divorce.

DSD is 12 btw.

I've not seen either of them today. I assume divorce is still on the cards.

Merry fucking christmas.

i agree - your issue is with dh.

Do you want to stay with him, OP?

Sounds like you all need a little space. I agree with putting the dog in kennels for Christmas, and if I were you, I'd be glad they're leaving you in peace on Christmas day.

Buy yourself all the most lovely treats you like and spend the day chilling out without a dog scarfing your food.

I really would take the dog to the vets to have it put down.

Me too. I detest the smelly things at the best of times but given the circumstances it would be an ex-dog (to paraphrase Monty Python.)

Change the locks when they go, if they leave the dog, take it to a kennels and bill his parents.

Am for you.

It's hardly the dog's fault, is it? It's the fault of its lazy owner for not training it.

I can't believe people are advocating having a dog put to sleep because it hasn't been trained, it's not aggressive and it's not the dog's fault that boundaries haven't been properly established.

I can't believe people are talking like this about a child. She wasn't born evil - if she is a 'brat' she was made one by her lazy and unpleasant parents. Just like the dog,you don't train it, that's what you get.

If the op has allowed this kind of situation to perpetuate over time, she is part of the problem.

tbh I don't think you was out of order at all.

Neither of them showed you any respect. SD (I don't see any need for the initial D as she clearly isn't) has NO respect for you at all and likes to make trouble between you and your husband should not even mention a D-I-V-O-R-C-E in front of her.

That 12yo is a brat!!

Hello OP

I am so so sorry for you. I think it is very telling that following your first very honest warts-and-all post (including where you said things you admit were out of line) in six pages not one person has said they didn't get it or that you were reprehensible.

So - what to do now. You could put your feet up for 3 days. You could take up MJ on her kind offer. You could start thinking about the future and assets etc You could pig out on your own and watch Dr.Who.

If there is no future then theoretically you could tell them to stay at his mum's.
He does not leave you with the dog. That can go with them 24th-27th and see whether his parents will put up with it. Or HE not you organises/pays for kennels.

I don't know. If the dog ois big and jumping up at people then it's a loose cannon - the OP has already been hurt by it.

Don't understand why dog owners don't understand that dog paws and claws coming at you HURT. I had a massive bruise a while back from my mate's dog (also badly behaved - bites as well) who jumped up at me then scraped his claw down my leg.

I think the op is aware it's dh and not dsd or the dog.

So how about - as it's Christmas - helping OP? And not turning it into a bunfight about whether you agree or disagree with other posters??

Please??

I wouldn't have the dog put down but I'd give then ultimatum of both of them taking it to a training course and not missing a lesson or it going to be rehomed. The other alternative being that you leave.

I suppose there's no chance of sending SD back to her mother either temporarily or permanently.

They both need to see that unpleasant actions have unpleasant consequences but your DH is by far the more at fault and SD is just pushing boundaries because she can. A lack of discipline at her age could be very damaging in the long term, her father is doing her no favours.

If the op has allowed this kind of situation to perpetuate over time, she is part of the problem

Yup, she let them all walk over her. Now it changes.

And the dog...goes away. One way or another, it goes away.

Sorted.

(Surprised the doggeees haven't chastised OP for daring to eat korma, as it ruins doggy digestions y'know)

Pity a lot of other posters can't also see the main problem is husband not child. She is the one I feel most sorry for in all this. She has clearly had no guidance or help to end up like this. And a lot of grown women hissing she is a brat and her dog should be killed. Merry Christmas to you all, you nasty lot.

If they leave the dog with you when they go I would be taking it straight to the nearest dog pound, it's not your pet and you are not responsible for it, you have already given them fair warning that it won't be here when they get back.

What an appalling way to treat you over christmas- buggering off to his parents with the brat from hell. Yes it may give you chance to be apart and have some space but i'd not forget him choosing his child at christmas and fucking you off, no chance.

Oh god please let them take the dog to his parents. When be hears from them how bloody annoying the dog is perhaps he will believe you.

But yes, get rid of these toxic people. Life is too short.

What kelly2000 said.

Do not apologise.

Terrible way to treat you. Dont put up with it. Have you anyone who will support you. Your husband sounds awful and a negligent father allowing his daughter to behave like this.

'these toxic people' ??? Er, one of them is a child, who has already had to endure her parents splitting up, has a crap father and a spineless stepmother.

This situation didn't presumably just flare up tonight. It's been going on for a while. the op chose to be with this man. agree it needs to end as they all sound utterly dysfunctional and miserable but can it end without slagging off an obviously confused and miserable CHILD???

'I'd not forget him choosing his child at Christmas' !!!! Classic!

Can some of you not hear yourselves?

Why do people seem to find it so hard to believe that a 12yo might not be all that innocent?

I was six when I decided to go out of my way to make my step dad's life a misery. It was a conscious descision that I can clearly remember making. I didn't like him and I didn't want him in my home, so I would stop myself from sleeping to make my Mum spend her evenings with me instead of him. He would tell me off for perfectly normal things, and I turned on the tears and eventually he couldn't say anything about me or to me because my Mum believed that she had to defend me from him. I was six!!

Obviously there is only so much trouble a six/seven/eight yo can cause, but I can assure you that I knew what I was doing.

I am honestly a well adjusted adult now with no more issues than the next person, and I actually get on great with my step dad now. He got back together with my Mum after she made him move out for a couple of years when I was a teenager. That was mostly down to me too.

There is no way on this earth that that girl isn't fully aware of what she is doing. She is as much o blame as her Father is. He is guilty of defending his child, but I know I wouldn't take the chance with my dc. If they were constantly telling me how upset they were because of my choice of partner, I would listen to them. Even if I had a suspision that they were trying it on, they are my children and I wouldn't take the risk. That's probably how OP's Dh is thinking, especially if they are going through a hard patch anyway.