Another ruined Christmas here - SD and DH hate me and if truth be told, the feelings are mutual

[NowIveDoneIt]

Oh my where to start. When DSD came to live with us she brought with her their pet dog. I love dogs but I never expected the dog to be so wild. It has never had any form of discipline and basically just does what the hell it likes. Sleeps on beds, eats off Human's plates, you name it. I have tried to suggest training but like with everything else in this house, I may as well talk to the dog itself.
So yesterday I had a particularly hard and long day at work. 13 hour shift, 7am until 8pm. Half hour break inbetween, barely ate anything all day and by the time I got home I was starving and tired.
I come through the front door at 8.30 and the dog flew at me, knocked me back into the front door and the handle dug directly into a rib. Very much in pain I shouted "no" at the dog and pushed it away. I went into the kitchen to find DH and DSD stood talking. Trying to remain calm to avoid a row I said something along the lines of "see, this is why the dog needs training, it's just jumped up me and knocked me flying into the front door". As soon as I finished speaking they both collapsed into fits of giggles and DSD then starts making a fuss of the dog saying stuff like "Oh you naughty boy! were you excited?? aww bless!" etc etc.
Ignoring the obvious goading here I shove my dinner into the microwave and stand there waiting for it to cook. DSD then starts saying "oh 'fluffy' was on your bed fast asleep today, you shouldve seen him, he looked so cute!" DH then said her name in a "you're taking it too far" type warning and she toddled off giggling into the living room. I took my dinner out of the microwave and walked into the living room with it. The dog followed me, constantly nudging my arm, walking into me etc so I said "DH will you PLEASE control the dog". DSD then muttered "god" and tutted at me. Totally ignored, as usual I sat down with my dinner and the dog sat directly in front of me, staring at me and drooling. I HATE this at the best of times but knew one more incident would cause a row and I just wanted to eat my tea so I ignored it. DSD sits there giggling watching the dog. After a few minutes the dog takes a chance and tries to connect with my plate. I shout "NO!" at it and push its head away with my hand. DSD then shouts "oh my god, dad has just punched the dog in the face!!" DH comes in and says "why would you do that???" I said "I never PUNCHED the bloody thing! I pushed it!" and he replied with "oh well I'll just push you around then, see how you like it shall I!"

Now at this point I really am in danger of exploding so I say "tell you what, go and fuck yourself, you're clearly an imbecile incapable of reason. I'm eating upstairs". I KNOW I SHOULD NOT HAVE SAID IT.

I go upstairs and he shouts after me "no need to take it out of me and DSD and the dog just because you've had a bad day, lots of people work long hours, not just you!". I ignore this.

So I'm sat on my bed, eating my dinner (ffs) and I hear the unmistakable sound of DSD and the dog running up the stairs. A few minutes later the bedroom door flies open, the dog flies in, jumps straight onto the bed and knocks my dinner EVERYWHERE. DSD stands there, mortified and runs downstairs telling DH that she had "accidently" opened our bedroom door and the dog had "accidently" knocked my dinner everywhere and I was about to kick the dogs head in. At no point did I suggest I would be kicking anyone's head in. DH then runs upstairs saying "don't kick off, it was an accident!".

Now this is the bit that pushed the whole thing from a family row to divorce cards I think. Covered in korma sauce and past caring I popped my head into DSDs bedroom and said "Well, because of your stupid behaviour the dog is going to the vets tomorow to be put to sleep".

I don't know why I said it. I wish I hadn't. I can't explain what on earth made me do that but the next thing I know she is howling in her room and DH is shouting at me that I'm an evil little bitch and he wants a divorce.

DSD is 12 btw.

I've not seen either of them today. I assume divorce is still on the cards.

Merry fucking christmas.

Anyone who lets their spouse come home after a 13 hour shift and hasn't run a lovely bubble bath/cooked them a meal is an arse.

End of.

You have done nothing wrong. Ok, in the heat of the moment (hungry, tired, stressed) you said something that you did not mean. Your dsd and dh where bullying you.

Hope you can resolve this. How much are you getting out of this marriage?

OP is probably at work working another long shift which is why she is not answering.

It sounds to me like you were pushed to the limit and most people would have lost it a lot sooner than you did, you went to your bedroom to get away from them and they followed you FGS!

I agree the dog needs some training but I don't think any of this would have happened if your DH had backed you up from the start and really is the problem .

Afucking it's her place though, why should she leave, though I totally see where you are coming from. I'd kick them out and have my place back to myself for a while. Where is the girl's Mum in the picture and why did she come to live with Dad.

OP you lost it, who wouldn't in the circumstances though I might have stopped just a bit short of threatening to have the dog pts though it might be a wake up call for the child who is crying out for as much discipline and training as the dog is.

Love it. The OP's life is a misery in her own home and people are more bothered about something she said to a flippin' dog?

I'd go somewhere else and leave them to it for Christmas. Or depending on whose house it is, kick them out for a week and let them sort themselves out. They both sound unbearably selfish.

The dog isn't the issue. Don't confuse yourself that it is. As someone else said, it's the catalyst that you all revolve around. If it was SD coming into your room without asking and disturbing your dinner, it would be clear who was at fault. But that's really what happened. Dogs don't act alone. And why does SD think this behaviour is ok? Because your DH is enabling it.

You know you shouldn't have said that (I presume you have apologised and said you didn't mean it) but they asked for it. Why push and push you until you snap? What a horrible pair. I'd leave them to it and go.

It sounds like your husband has no respect for you.
His daughter is learning to treat you badly, as that is what she is seeing her father do.

The dog is a red herring.

I think you need to evaluate the situation - you are an adult, and you had just come home from a long shift at work.

How any loving partner can laugh because you got hurt, then say nothing as you are exiled to eating your dinner in your bedroom is beyond me.

Reassert your position in the family.

And get a crate for the hound so it can be safely put away when required.

Book a course of dog training classes, they can be your dsd's birthday present.
Attend with dsd and try to build some bridges.

Give dh a severe talking to, not in front of dsd. You need to lay down some rules. She is 12, he is an adult. You both work, but you work very long hours. Dsd is old enough to take on household chores. When you get home the expectation should be that she greets you with a cuppa and enquire about your day.
Dh needs to show dsd how important respect is in a relationship. He sounds really childish and like a total cock. Perhaps you should show him this thread!

Only read a few replies so far but I'm on your side too. Also feel sorry for you.

Sounds awful OP, I am angry on your behalf, I would have gone apeshit if some little shit who is old enough to know better and needs a fucking slap encouraged an animal to knock my dinner all over the bedroom. I would be tempted to take the divorce as well, how dare he talk to you like that over pushing a dog away from your dinner.

it sounds like you would be better off away from them for a while or permanently for that matter as they are not respecting you in your own house. it is not a home at the moment, it is a place where you are bullied and laughed at by a 12y old and her dad. he sounds absolutely horrible. dd needs to know that dogs that are out of control are at risk of being put to sleep, as people have said previously.

gnome de plume's post seems good to me.

Personally I would go into DSD's room to tell her to keep her self pitying wails down you dont want to hear them. Tell her also that the only 'accident' in the dog getting into the room was that DSD thought it would be funny and it wasnt. Consequences! Now is the time to be icy cold with her.

Similar treatment for DH. Stop his shouting and blathering. If you are going to divorce you will discuss it when you all have had time to calm down.

you were pushed to the edge OP, so you said things you shouldn't have.

What a nightmare for you!

I'd be taking the DH to the vet alongside the dog.....

Do you work in the emergency services or hospitality by any chance, OP ?

Training classes for the dog will be a complete and utter waste of time unless all those in the house are on board with the idea and are committed to carrying out the "rules" consistently.
Doesn't look promising in this case, as the SD and the DH are using the dog to collude against the OP.

He has to choose (but it looks as if he has done this already).

His choice should be basically to assert himself wrt the DSD or to leave with her and her dog. The DSD has taken over your relationship and he has been a willing participant in what has happened. It is up to him to claw it back.

You have to tell him he must choose, that is if you really feel anything for him at all by this stage. (Personally I would be packing their things or packing mine).

Poor you - it's vile when things escalate and suddenly instead of having the moral high ground you feel YOU need to be the one apologising.

How about taking the dog for lovely long walks, it will clear your head, give you space and also help the dog calm down.

You could turn the dog into YOUR dog, dogs are weak-willed and it's easy to gain #1 spot in their eyes. You train it, walk it, feed it and all the joy of having a dog that adores you will be yours, and then it's one less creature to feel is 'against' you.

12yr olds are hard hard work. And at this time of year, when they are slobbing around the house with out school routines, parent-baiting is all to frequent.

Good luck and don't beat yourself up about the situation - you are doing the best you can and sometimes even angels lose a few feathers from their wings.

Yes, a long walk with someone else's untrained dog is just what she needs after a 13 hour shift and nothing to eat or even a glass of water when she feels like it...

She feeds and keeps a roof over and even sleeps with her DH and is she Number One in his eyes? Does he adore her? Make her a cuppa when she comes in knackered?

I am assuming that your DH is trying to cement his relationship with his DD by always taking her side. The sad thing is not only is he wrecking his relationship with you but he is also not parenting his DD very well as she is learning that no matter how unkind and disrespectful she is to people her dad will let her get away with it.

It sounds like a total lose-lose situation.

Can you spend Christmas with family or friends and leave them to stew?

I don't have any advice, beyond what others have said.

Just wanted to say that I am a massive dog lover but this situation sounds AWFUL.

another thought i had - be intereseted to know if daddy and dd bond over mummy being the big bad witch and now that's extended to you. their relationship sounds toxic.

I think what you said was vile.

That said, it's clearly a situation where very much is wrong so I can only assume (hope) that you were at the end of your tether and that's why you struck out in anger like that.

I really doubt that anyone in your house is happy right now, how did it get to that point? Do you see/want a future for you all?

Sad situation all round. :(

they sound like a nightmare, honestly. I don't mind dogs but that one is dreadful, and totally the fault of DH and DSD. DH needs to support you - what a sod. I hope he apologises for his lack of support.