...to expect thank you cards?

[greenmoo]

Just been wrapping presents for all the children in DP's extended family and whilst I was doing it I couldn't help but be a bit resentful that I won't get any recognition for the effort - every year we give these kids presents and every year we never hear anything back from them: not a thank you card, not a phone call, nothing. When I was a kid after Christmas my mum made me sit and write a card to everybody who'd given me a present. At the minute I send cards on behalf of my DS coz he's only 3 but when he's older I'll do the same. I think it's not only a nice thing to do, it's polite and gracious.

Am I being a right old Scrooge? After all, kids love presents, we're bringing them joy and all that, right? Except I'm left with no idea whether or not the kids even play with these things.

Also, as for many people at the minute, money is tight in our house and Christmas is an expense we could do without. That adds to my resentment at the lack of appreciation.

You are going to get a very mixed reaction to this. I am of the belief that Thank you cards should be sent, however a lot of people on MN do not agree.

YABU. Don't buy presents if you expect something in return.

(but I do always do them myself!)

YANBU - it is only polite to say thank you. When I was a kid my mum was very stricty about thank you letters and I try to be the same with DS.

Common courtesy costs nothing

(Bollox, I think I have turned into my mum) :)

Ive never understood thankyou cards.

I have never sent one until MIL asked us to send one to her mum. We then got a thank you for the thank you card back. She then got the hump because we failed to send another, thjank you for the thank you card to the origional thank you card. Wherec does it stop.

I am of the beleif that you give out of kindess not to recieve. Im sure they say thank you when you actually hand them the presents.

depends. do you see them in person? if so, then thanks in person is all that's needed.
if the presents are posted, then yes, a letter, call, email or text of thanks should be sent.

I do thank you cards for uncommon events ie weddings etc

But Christmas?! Nah

YANBU. Can't bear the rudeness of people who are only too happy to receive gifts but can't take a few moments to say thanks or write a quick note/text. We always did thank you cards when I was growing up, and I definitely make sure my children do them. It is just good manners really...

I think a lot of people like to have confirmation that their gift was received, and enjoy receiving a little card off the DC.

Yanbu. It's only polite.

I send thank you texts

and my older dcs do fb thanking

I dont see the need for a card, but I do think it is extremely rude not to say thankyou at all. Doesnt matter if it is verbally, by text, by email, by letter, but absolutely no excuse for bad manners.

YANBU to expect a thank you. YABU to expect a thank you card - other people have different ways of saying thank you. The important thing about presents is to graciously give and graciously receive. Unfortunately you can only control one end of this interaction. If it bothers you so much, you shouldn't give as you aren't giving graciously but giving with strings attached.

I always send cards, they are cheap to buy in multipacks (just little note cards) and then its easy to just scribble 2-3 lines in them. It doesn't have to be a long letter, but a card is nice to receive.

I think some acknowledgment that a gift was 1. received and 2. appreciated is required.

Whether that's a call, text, card or even a grin across the room - I don't mind. But complete silence is bad manners and the reason my nieces' gifts get smaller each year

I think it is utterly rude not to send a thank you card! Especially from children. I always did it (and hated it!) but have continued and I will make my children do it.

And its nice to get something in the post these days (I sound ancient, I'm not)!

I agree it's reasonable to expect a thank you in some form. Don't agree it has to be a card. Saying thanks in person, by phone, email etc are all fine IMO. The complete lack of acknowledgement is quite rude though.

I do find it surprising that you're sending gifts to children in your partner's extended family, especially if money is tight. It would not in a million years have occurred to me to do this, and even DP himself has only bought presents for his niece/nephew!

MrSpoc that is just weird!!

OP YANBU and it gets my goat too. I don't expect one if we've given the present into the hands of the recipient, but sending a present by post I think means a thank you card should be sent. My mum did the same as yours and I intend to do the same once the DCs can write.

YABU, you've given them presents previous years and not complained about the lack of thankyou, you cannot change your behaviour now. Stop giving them presents if it matters to you.

YABU.

Thank you cards are your convention, not everyone's. I would prefer not to receive a gift at all from a giver who expected a card. I certainly do not expect a thank you card when I give. In fact I don't really enjoy receiving them either.

I give thanks for gifts, but I don't send cards.

We send thankyou notes if we haven't seen the gift-giver in person to say thankyou.

Yanbu.mine always send them and phone. It's polite.