...to expect thank you cards?

[greenmoo]

Just been wrapping presents for all the children in DP's extended family and whilst I was doing it I couldn't help but be a bit resentful that I won't get any recognition for the effort - every year we give these kids presents and every year we never hear anything back from them: not a thank you card, not a phone call, nothing. When I was a kid after Christmas my mum made me sit and write a card to everybody who'd given me a present. At the minute I send cards on behalf of my DS coz he's only 3 but when he's older I'll do the same. I think it's not only a nice thing to do, it's polite and gracious.

Am I being a right old Scrooge? After all, kids love presents, we're bringing them joy and all that, right? Except I'm left with no idea whether or not the kids even play with these things.

Also, as for many people at the minute, money is tight in our house and Christmas is an expense we could do without. That adds to my resentment at the lack of appreciation.

I don't ever send thank you cards. I write letters, and so do my DCs; DH writes to his side of the family.

It takes only minutes, and it is important in what I think is called "exchange of social capital". Giving gifts is part of a social exchange, and the thanks does matter as a reciprocal part.

And I think teaching children to knock out a good thank you letter stands them in very good stead - it's a life-long habit that will be appreciated by their current and future family and friends, and it's good for increasing fluency in writing.

yanbu - it is only polite to say thank you for a gift recieved in some form at leats, and very rude to not even acknowledge it has been given.

TBH though I did stop sending gifts to a couple fo children as I never heard from them at all, not even to let me know they had arrived.

YABU about the thank-you letters. I don't mind whether I am thanked by letter, text message or verbally.

My sister and I never wrote thank-you letters as children: we thanked the giver in person or on the phone.

My DH and his sister did write thank-you letters as children. TBH, I find them tedious to write and receive.

I was brought up to write thank you letters.

I think if you see the person and say thank you, you don't need to send a letter as well. But if you don't see them, I think it's only polite to send a letter/card so they know the gift has received safely. I always send cards thanking relatives for DS's gifts, and will encourage him to do the same when he's old enough.

I think there's two things here: firstly, whether you should thank someone who gives you a present; secondly, whether the thank you should be in the form of a card. A lot of responses are getting hung up on the "card" part rather than the "thank you" part.

OP does say "I couldn't help but be a bit resentful that I won't get any recognition for the effort - every year we give these kids presents and every year we never hear anything back from them: not a thank you card, not a phone call, nothing. "

So it's not just whether you get a card, but whether you get thanked at all. Is anyone really saying this is acceptable? Seems to be common these days, but I don't think it is acceptable. Some of our nephews and nieces, who are certainly old enough to know better, have even had to be prompted to actually say "Thank you" when we give gifts in person, rather than just grunt or shrug .

I write thank you letters on behalf of DS (just turned 2). I always put a nice picture of him on them and a bit about what he liked about the present, what he did on his birthday etc. I think if someone has gone to the trouble of choosing and sending a gift, then the least I can do is send a letter thanking them. My nieces and nephew have never sent a thank you letter to me, and my nieces have now stopped even acknowledging that a present has been sent. I do think that's a bit rude, I'd rather a quick email or text than nothing!

Thankyou letter or similar is a minimum courtesy yanbu

Of course you should say thank you for presents you get. It doesn't matter if its a phone call, a text, in person, on facebook or a card (or any other way!) as long as someone goes to the effort to say thank you!

YANBU
I was thinking just the same earlier
Until I get SOME form of thank you I've decided that the nephews and nieces are just gonna get an unimaginative slightly stingy fiver book token for bday's and xmas.

YANBU - perhaps you should give them a pack of notelets each this year.

YABU, I don't expect thankyou cards, and wouldn't alter the style of presents I give because of being in a self-righteous huff about not getting them .

I agree about some form of thankyou, but a verbal one when you give the gift, a text or a quick email is suffice. I find thankyou cards a hassle to give and receive. I'd rather a quick text or email.

But I'm probably just a bit of a misery as i find cards a bit of a pain whatever tbh, yet more clutter in the house to put somewhere and they just gather dust, fall over, get knocked down by the cats and clog up the recycling. Grump.

YANBU or a scrooge.

YANBU to expect to be thanked, but the mechanism for doing so can be very flexible. I wouldn't expect a thank you card or letter necessarily but I would expect some acknowledgement, whether that is an email, text, drawing, FB post etc, if we were not there in person to give the gift. Obviously if the gift is given in person then the thanks received at the time will be fine.

However, it's lovely if at a later stage, a pic/note is sent of the recipient playing with the toy, wearing the item of clothing etc. It's quite depressing if the gift sort of goes into a black hole and you never hear of it again, especially if it's something you took a lot of time and effort to choose. Conversely, it's very gratifying if you are told the recipient particularly likes the item, wears it, uses it or otherwise has their life enhanced by its presence.

Let your husband sort out his own family's presents as you obviously resent doing it. You don't have to invent jobs for yourself.
I generally get thank you cards for presents sent but husband sorts out his side of the family.

I don't really do thank you cards (though my mum did get me to do them when I was a child) but I think some acknowledgement is required, like a thank you phone call or even a text message, FB message, whatever!

We have a lot of thankyou cards to send so tend to print out short letters with a family photo attached. I have been known to text and email thankyous too but only post baby birth. Sometimes my kids simply ring to say thankyou. Both are quick and hassel free.

I expect some acknowledgement and preferably a card, just so rude not to

I think it's quite an important life skill - showing others you appreciate their thoughts and efforts. It would be rude not to say thankyou.

If you are given a present you should say thank you be it in person, by email, text, card whatever. I no longer give to people who don't bother to acknowledge it - why should I?

YANBU. If you can be arsed to leave your nice cosy house, tramp all the way to a toy shop, select a present for someone else's offspring, buy wrapping paper, sellotape, find scissors, wrap the lot up then make appointments to visit these children / queue up at the post office then the very least their ungrateful parents can do is say thank you.

Agree this doesn't have to be by card, although that's preferable (showing that at least a little bit of thought / effort has gone into it) but sending no thanks at all is just plain rude.

Don't send them anything next year if they don't thank you*. Who gave them the the monopoly on socially unacceptable behavior?

*NB. A disclaimer: My god daughter is 5. I send her a present every birthday and have never been sent a single thank you - whether by post, email or phone. Have I followed my own advice? Have I buffalo.

Agree with 2rebecca. My DH's brothers are exceptionally rude (they don't even say thank you for presents that they open in front of you - seriously) and so I don't buy them anything. Life's too short to get involved.

I have the pad and pen ready to note down all of the gifts our little one gets this Christmas so that we can send out thank you notes. I think it is only good manners to show appreciation to someone who took some time and effort to buy a gift.

YANBU.

I really appreciate a written thank you. A text is not the same, it takes 2 seconds to write. I find it sad that the sending of thank you letters is a dying art.

YABU to expect a card. It is rather old fashioned and tbh I wouldn't know what to do with one if I ever received one. If you only do something to get a "thank you" then you really shouldn't bother.

I generally will text people thanks but it depends. When the ILs bought our DD presents when she was born a fuss was made that I didn't say "thanks". I still hold resentment that they were so self absorbed to think it was all about them even though I had given birth less than 2 weeks before and only been home less than a week. Point being that there could be a lot more going on and making a fuss over silly little things is hardly productive.