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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

a lot of churches are unfriendly and christianity can be hypocritical

138 replies

boglach · 20/12/2011 20:48

My ds carol service today. i took my 2 year old dd. she didn't sit perfectly still no, but neither was she loud or badly behaved. i was getting dirty looks.

now excuse me but i was under the impression that jesus was supposed to have loved children and that churches should welcome families?

also when i was younger i tried to find god. i went to a couple of churches which were most exclusive and unfriendly so i rapidly lost faith.

sometimes christianity feels like another clique. if your face fits then fine.

What a pile of tosh

OP posts:
amerryscot · 20/12/2011 21:13

And if you find a perfect church, don't go! You will surely spoil it.

aldiwhore · 20/12/2011 21:14

If you've always been so uncertain of your own personal faith, walking into a Church and meeting nice people won't make you suddenly find God.

I've never been able to grasp that 'faith', I'm almost envious of it. Therefore I am happy enough to accept I just don't got it. If I am in a Church, I am still outside 'the' Church, because I don't have that faith or fellowship that grows from familiarity and the shared experience. I feel a fraud a little, apologetic of simply enjoying the nice windows.

Its not the people that put you off a 'faith', its lack of faith. The people wouldn't sway you either way if you had it. I've met some right lovely Christians, proper Christians. I've met a lot of 'members or the congregation' who are no nicer, nor worse than any other stranger/member of the public. Some have been disgusting human beings, frankly, but that doesn't mean 'Christian Church Goers Are Horrid'.

GrimmaTheNome · 20/12/2011 21:14

'Maybe it wasn't Christians'Hmm... well maybe not but some of the ugly incidents I saw over the years when I was a christian for sure were. At least, they talked the talk bigtime - but when you see such people not walking the walk, while it doesn't necessarily destroy your faith it can sow the seeds of doubt.

NorkyPiesWithJingleBellsOn · 20/12/2011 21:19

I think you've just been unlucky to hit on unwelcoming churches. Many of them are only too glad to see you and your DC there.

Original poster
boglach · 20/12/2011 21:37

Aldiwhore - it was christians giving me dirty looks. i know them from my ds school, they are regular church attenders.

my dd shouted out once so at that point i took her to the back. at other times i had her favourite stories to occupy her. once or twice she walked up and down the side aisle but quitely. i did guide her back to our seat. she is two!

if that is unacceptable in a school carol service well sod christianity

OP posts:
Original poster
boglach · 20/12/2011 21:44

Oh i thought attending church might be a way to find that faith. and a friendly congregation might keep you going

ah well i shall just see if god comes to me in my daily life and then i will attend church

OP posts:
amerryscot · 20/12/2011 21:46

One of the points of the Christian faith is that you have to change. You can't expect to create God in your image.

You also have to appreciate that not everyone finds your 2 year old cute, whether at church or in any other public arena.

Instead of looking to blame others, think about your role - that's the only one you can control.

I have to say that carol services tend to attract the C & E worshippers. They are not representative of the Christian faith, and may hold certain staid views about what it means to do church.

If you want to go to a Christmas service with a two-year old, take her to a crib service.

itsatiggerday · 20/12/2011 21:49

Bah! Where are you? Will see if I can recommend some likely to be very welcoming to little ones....

hiddenhome · 20/12/2011 21:49

I got chucked out of the CofE church when I took ds1. He was about three and being a bit loud and walking up and down. The rector's wife followed me outside and I began crying, but she didn't ask me to come back in Sad I just went home.

JustRedbin · 20/12/2011 21:49

Some churches are full of twats not very nice people. For the true message of christmas take a look at the landover baptist churches website.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 20/12/2011 21:52

Just try another church.

I think a nice church can be a good way to find faith - but a church that suits you would probably be one where people are a bit more overt about being welcoming to children.

Personally I am a bit reserved and find it slightly awkward when people get effusive, but I've been to masses of churches where the welcome is very hearty ... maybe you and I need to be swapping where we go?!

Btw - not quite as crazy as it sounds - if you are C of E, there is a website called 'ship of fools' that has a 'mystery worshipper' (like a mystery shopper, you'd find it if you googled these terms) and they go round saying what churches in your area are like.

Original poster
boglach · 20/12/2011 22:00

Amerryscot - you see it is that kind of philosophy that worries me. of course personal growth is good and healthy. but the idea that i have to change in order for god to love me or to show himself to me well.....

i have spent many years of soul searching and counselling healing from an abusive childhood where i was taught my basic true self wasn't lovable. now i finally accept myself and whilst i always strive to be kind and considerate no i won't change who i am to be loved by anyone

OP posts:
GrimmaTheNome · 20/12/2011 22:01

Oh i thought attending church might be a way to find that faith. and a friendly congregation might keep you going

Obviously far too rational a notion! Grin And you've probably read bible verses indicating that christians should be witnesses...

amerryscot · 20/12/2011 22:06

If you are looking for a tranformed life, you have to let Jesus change you.

No one said the Christian faith was easy.

GrimmaTheNome · 20/12/2011 22:10

Shame on those of you who are making excuses for the poor welcome received by the OP and her child. Does it take me, an atheist, to tell her that this is not how it's meant to be? I can't believe I'm actually crying following your last post at your shoddy treatment.

If I was you I wouldn't carry on looking for help in a delusion, but if you think it may help you, then no, if Jesus was real you wouldn't have to change to be accepted.

'Just as I am'

WorraLiberty · 20/12/2011 22:10

I've sat through a lot of carol services and Nativity plays this year with badly behaved, noisy toddlers wandering up and down and making a racket....whilst the parents are oblivious to how much disturbance they're actually causing. Particularly since the children on stage, have such small voices anyway.

Perhaps your toddler was making more noise than you thought, and you are just used to it?

Original poster
boglach · 20/12/2011 22:10

I am not looking for a transformed life. i was, but that wad when i was unhappy and insecure

if jesus can't love me the way i am then i am not sure i want him in my life

OP posts:
amerryscot · 20/12/2011 22:12

What do you think it means to be a follower of Christ?

Original poster
boglach · 20/12/2011 22:15

Well that is what i tried to find out in my twenties amerryscot!

OP posts:
GrimmaTheNome · 20/12/2011 22:16

Amerryscot - you've got it arse about face. You come as you are and then (if it was actually true) Jesus changes you.

hiddenhome · 20/12/2011 22:17

I go to catholic church now and the people there are far more accepting and welcoming. The family service is always full of babies and toddlers making a noise and nobody bats an eyelid. It feels totally different from the stuck up place up the road. I think some churches are just glorified old peoples' clubs and they've forgotten what it's like trying to keep a small child quiet. You need to find a church with younger people OP.

amerryscot · 20/12/2011 22:17

You make you own decision to change.

Original poster
boglach · 20/12/2011 22:18

Grimma i am no longer searching for faith. today just reminded me why that is all

OP posts:
Cherriesarelovely · 20/12/2011 22:18

It reminds me of when I was at a school govenors meeting some years ago and we were writing some new info for our school brochure. One of the governors said that we needed to say that we have "strong Christian values" first and foremost because that will show people that we are an accepting, welcoming environment. I suggested that many people might actually be put off by this, worrying that they will in fact be judged, that has definitely been my experience of "church". However, I have to say that I have some really lovely Christian friends who are truly kind, caring and non-judgemental so it does obviously depend entirely on the person.

MyChildDoesntNeedSleepAtXmas · 20/12/2011 22:20

You don't need to go to church to find God.

A lot of people are shy/ not good with introducing themselves to new people. It doesn't necessarily mean they're unfriendly.

I don't mind children making noise in church, but when the noise is so bad that nobody can hear what is being said, I do wonder why those people don't take a little walk with their child then come back in. It's very hard for a child to sit through an hour+ of some adult droning on. Not fair on the child, and not fair on the people who've come to listen.

Try a mosque then if all Christians are hypocritical/unfriendly.

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