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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be absolutely spitting with rage at 'D'SD?

479 replies

Iloveagoodroast · 20/12/2011 14:01

My SD is 10. I have a very difficult relationship with her. I have honestly tried my best with her, but i have reached the end of my tether, She is ignorant, sullen and downright rude to me 99% of the time. My DD is 5 and worships the ground she walks on, yet SD is less than interested in her at best, nasty to her at worst.
DH and i have been together 7 years, married for 6 months and her behaviour towards me has always been the same (kicked me in the stomach when i was pg with DD and saying, "I hope that hurt her" is one of many examples. She was only 4 or 5 then)
Anyway, we only see her on a Sunday. Yesterday morning, DD tells me that "SD gave me some medicine out of the cupboard yesterday".
I ask which medicine, DD said, "All of them." A spoonful each of Calpol, Nurofen, Piriton, 2 adults cough medicine, an adults cold and flu medicine, and gaviscon!!!
I asked why the hell she did it (DD said SD told her she was getting a cold, she isn't, she's fine). I asked where i was when this was happening, DD said upstairs with Daddy hoovering, which is the only time they were alone downstairs so v likely.
AIBU to be so bloody angry i feel like killing* SD?! She could have done DD some serious bloody damage!!
DH went round there yesterday when i rang to tell him what DD told me, he said he went mad at her, asked her what the hell she was playing at and she could have made DD very sick, He said she just shrugged!!!!

She is due to spend Xmas day here, i do not want her anywhere near me or DD at the moment, i know it will spoil the day as i am so angry with her?
AIBU?

*obviously i wouldn't really!

OP posts:
nkf · 20/12/2011 16:09

GoodRoast, your husband and your stepdaughter's mother have to do something. Having read what other posters have said about either being or being victim of angry, jealous siblings, I think police and social service involvement would be an extreme reaction. But everything points to non communication and anger and it should be dealt with. By her parents.

LynetteScavo · 20/12/2011 16:10

Well, your DD consumed a bit of a concoction, but I very much doubt she has had enough of one substance to do much harm. I'm not sure what people are expecting medics to actually do 24 hours later? I would phone NHS direct and let them calculate the possibility of an overdose.

Of course you're angry OP. I wouldn't be leaving the two of them alone together ever again.

Rinkadinkpink · 20/12/2011 16:11

Posters said she should never be allowed in the home again,be banned from xmas,be banned from seeing her family,suggested she could be prosecuted-hardly the responses of people with massive empathy for a very unhappy child is it?

I dont need research to know about step families thanks-I grew up in one. It was horrendous and the reason I swore I would never get with a man who already had dcs.

prettyfly1 · 20/12/2011 16:11

NKF the problem is that if OP goes anywhere an A and E,which if this is true she should, they will automatically be involved under child protection. Its not her reaction to choose unfortunately. You are right though - OP this is not for you to deal with and really seriously there is not a lot you can do.

LordOfTheFlies · 20/12/2011 16:13

Rink if you are referring to my post where I said she was her mothers' priority.

If the DSD doesn't want to spend Christmas Day with her dad, SM & the DD, and she chooses to spend the day with her mother than that should over-ride all the mothers plans. The DSD mother might have planned a day with her DP but if her daughter (ie the DSD wants to not spend the day with her dad then that's what they should do)
Because from where I'm sitting the DSD isn't happy and is making her feelings known. And maybe doesn't want her Christmas Day with her step-family.

AmberLeaf · 20/12/2011 16:15

Altinkum any 'step' child [Dont really like that term as it overlooks the fact that it is the bio child of one of the parents] should be able to feel at home in the NRPs home.

some of the replies on here are awful!

My stepmum always made a point of saying it was my home too and I felt welcome there. so it can be done.

but all this crap saying step, non residents siblings, should be treated equally as resident siblings, is just that, as its impossible to do, as even if she was to misbehave at her mothers, she could be shipped to her fathers

Well thats what some posters here are suggesting in saying she should be banished! if it was the ops DD she couldnt be banished could she?!

OP are you 100% sure the medicine giving actually happened?

ImperialBlether · 20/12/2011 16:15

I think it's more that she's unhappy in her mother's home and uncertain of her value there.

Before the OP got pregnant, she was daddy's little girl and clearly feared being usurped (hence trying to damage the new baby.)

Since the new baby's been born, the stepdaughter has obviously remained fearful - none of us knows her intentions when she gave the OP's daughter the medicine, but it's not hard to think she was trying to get rid of her.

I think the child's father and mother have to take her to an expert for help; they have to do what they can to save this child from such an unhappy state.

However, the OP has to do what she can to protect her own daughter and if that means not allowing the two children to be alone together, that's what has to happen.

SantasENormaSnob · 20/12/2011 16:15

Lynette, it takes a small amount of paracetamol to do serious damage.

Blood tests should be done to ascertain if parvolex is required.

Liver function tests should be carried out.

Am not a paediatric nurse, am general (specialised in emergency medicine) and midwife, so could be slightly different.

ImperialBlether · 20/12/2011 16:15

The stepdaughter admitted it, Amber.

Hecubasdaughter · 20/12/2011 16:17

Although personally I would reccommend A&E due to it being impossible to be sure just how much she had I do know many GPs who would be more blase about the potential for OD. If the calculation of amount per kg weight was below the treatment level I can believe the advice given. I don't agree with it but I can believe it.

MardyArsedMidlander · 20/12/2011 16:17

I am just stunned and amazed at the number of posters saying that the stepdaughter has had 'five years to get over it' or 'can't be expected to be treated as equal' as she only sees her dad for one day a week. And as for the suggestion you should 'make her world crash about her ears'- well, I'm sure that's how she feels already Angry

If- G-d forbid- your present partner leaves you and has a kid with someone else- would you be expecting you and your child to get over it or be banned from the house by the OW?

MenopausalHaze · 20/12/2011 16:17

Police and Social Services might be extreme. On the other hand their involvement might prevent a repeat occurrence of this behaviour that might have a much more disastrous outcome. Might. Nobody knows but surely any fool can see that this has to be investigated properly and not just brushed under the 'childish behaviour' carpet?

ImperialBlether · 20/12/2011 16:17

I wouldn't be surprised if the SD has been told by her mother that the OP is the reason why she is divorced. Otherwise, I just can't see why the SD would hate her so much.

MardyArsedMidlander · 20/12/2011 16:19

If police and social services DID get involved, you can bet your arse it's not the EVIl 10 year old they would be concentrating on- it would be the supervisory habits of both adults that were there at the time.

bookqueen · 20/12/2011 16:20

I don't know if this has been mentioned but does your SD's mother have any other children from another relationship (with her new DP)? If that's the case there is a chance that you SD doesn't feel like she 'belongs' anywhere as both of her parents have new families. Because of this she might not get much attention from her own mother and feels like she needs to act out to get attention from you and DH?

nailak · 20/12/2011 16:21

Are you sure they weren't playing a Dr game? Sounds much more likely then attempted murder imo.

Op I would just carry on doing what you are doing, make sure she knows she is loved, and she is welcome, make her feel a part of your family. Punish her for being naughty but let her know you still love her.

MenopausalHaze · 20/12/2011 16:22

I'm not sure it matters a hooey WHO SS/Police investigate. Maybe the whole lot of them need looking at? I don't know - but I do know that everything possible needs to be done to prevent a potential future tragedy. If that sounds hysterical then so be it - but OP could be looking at loss of life here. If this is true. If.

altinkum · 20/12/2011 16:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

manicinsomniac · 20/12/2011 16:22

Is there any chance they were playing doctors and nurses or something and your stepdaughter just pretended to give your daughter the medicine or just gave her a tiny bit?

I can't imagine a 5 year old having that much medicine and not getting symptoms of some sort at the very least.

JamieComeHome · 20/12/2011 16:22

Moreover, no one actually knows how much was taken, and of what. Adult cold medication almost always contains paracetamol, in amounts not recommended for children. Adult cough medicine can contain allergens and are in any case not for under 12s.

nkf · 20/12/2011 16:23

See, I read this as a child hating the situation rather than hating the stepmother. A child not having enough time with her father. Instead, she has her father's wife offering to spend time with her. And then a new child. Hating a new child is not uncommon. Feeling displaced is not uncommon but things are very out of hand. She is rude to the OP. Why is that allowed? Why is shrugging allowed to end the situation? She doesn't get enough attention from her father. Not sure what's going on with the mother. She is now though. Plenty of attention. He went round there. So, this week, she gets some extra time with her father. It's a mess but it didn't start with the medicine.

rootietootie · 20/12/2011 16:24

If- G-d forbid- your present partner leaves you and has a kid with someone else- would you be expecting you and your child to get over it

Yes, I would. I would not expect it to happen overnight but after 5 years I would have anticipated my son dealing with the situation.

OP, can I ask what dp exw thinks, if you know?

MenopausalHaze · 20/12/2011 16:24

In my experience any dose of Piriton induces fairly noticeable drowsiness leading to sleep. That, with cough medicine, paracetamol etc would surely have knocked the poor child right out? It would me.

Original poster
Iloveagoodroast · 20/12/2011 16:25

According to DD, SD said she was getting a cold and needed medicine and so gave her them, not a game as far as i can see.
I have called NHS direct, waiting for a call back from the nurse

OP posts:
MardyArsedMidlander · 20/12/2011 16:25

The police and SS would be asking how a 10 year old could access a medicine cabinet, give a range of medication to a younger child and then put the bottles back- without anyone noticing. A 10 year old should not be supervising a younger child for such a period of time without any adults noticing what they were up to.
It could be an interesting caution for neglect- for the parents.