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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be absolutely spitting with rage at 'D'SD?

479 replies

Iloveagoodroast · 20/12/2011 14:01

My SD is 10. I have a very difficult relationship with her. I have honestly tried my best with her, but i have reached the end of my tether, She is ignorant, sullen and downright rude to me 99% of the time. My DD is 5 and worships the ground she walks on, yet SD is less than interested in her at best, nasty to her at worst.
DH and i have been together 7 years, married for 6 months and her behaviour towards me has always been the same (kicked me in the stomach when i was pg with DD and saying, "I hope that hurt her" is one of many examples. She was only 4 or 5 then)
Anyway, we only see her on a Sunday. Yesterday morning, DD tells me that "SD gave me some medicine out of the cupboard yesterday".
I ask which medicine, DD said, "All of them." A spoonful each of Calpol, Nurofen, Piriton, 2 adults cough medicine, an adults cold and flu medicine, and gaviscon!!!
I asked why the hell she did it (DD said SD told her she was getting a cold, she isn't, she's fine). I asked where i was when this was happening, DD said upstairs with Daddy hoovering, which is the only time they were alone downstairs so v likely.
AIBU to be so bloody angry i feel like killing* SD?! She could have done DD some serious bloody damage!!
DH went round there yesterday when i rang to tell him what DD told me, he said he went mad at her, asked her what the hell she was playing at and she could have made DD very sick, He said she just shrugged!!!!

She is due to spend Xmas day here, i do not want her anywhere near me or DD at the moment, i know it will spoil the day as i am so angry with her?
AIBU?

*obviously i wouldn't really!

OP posts:
AmberLeaf · 20/12/2011 16:27

the only safe way to keep all involved safe, is to keep dsd away from the home, until she can be trusted. That is not saying she should be kept away from the family

Until she can be trusted?

How would anyone know when that point is reached?

TBH I dont think this is about the 10 yr olds behavior, more about the adults involveds behavior and handling of her ongoing problems and insecurities, you cant banish her till she learn to do the right thing, the adults need to do something to understand and rectify the issues.

OldMumsy · 20/12/2011 16:27

Maybe the OP needs to read 'We need to talk about Kevin'? I would be very worried about having the stepdaughter near the younger one after this.

altinkum · 20/12/2011 16:28

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nkf · 20/12/2011 16:30

Some qestions about the drugs given and the differing advice. I have no idea but I suspect NHS direct will say take the child to A&E because they always do. But is it possible that the doctor's advice was okay?

altinkum · 20/12/2011 16:30

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manicinsomniac · 20/12/2011 16:31

really mardy? My best friend's 10 year old daughter plays with her 5 year old stepdaughter for hours on their own, often with my 9 and 4 year old daughters as well. They're in one room doing whatever they do and we're in another room drinking coffee and nattering. I suppose in theory one of the two older girls could go up to the bathroom and take something they shouldn't fron the cabinet but it would never occur to me that they would - not really neglect is it?

SardineQueen · 20/12/2011 16:31

I think you are way over-reacting.

She's 10. The medicines were there. Children do this stuff. I think you should have it out of reach TBH. Learn from this and move on.

When I was 12 me and my best friend went through the medicine cabinet and took one of everything. I think we were trying to experiment with drugs Grin It was fine. Children do this sort of thing.

nkf · 20/12/2011 16:31

You can keep your two children safe without banishing one.

altinkum · 20/12/2011 16:32

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SardineQueen · 20/12/2011 16:32

I also suspect that is exactly what the GP said - she hasn't had a humungeous overdose and keeping an eye on her is exactly what they would say.

What are A&E going to do that the parents can't? Keep an eye on her even more somehow? They're hardly going to pump her stomach.

prettyfly1 · 20/12/2011 16:33

sardine nonsense. you CHOSE to take it, you DIDNT give itv to a much smaller child.

altinkum · 20/12/2011 16:33

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MrsHoarder · 20/12/2011 16:33

Sardine they can check liver (I think its liver for paracetamol) function and give the antedote to an overdose. Not pleasant but a whole lot nicer than dying of organ failure in 3-4 days time.

SardineQueen · 20/12/2011 16:34

It's not nonsense. The younger child didn't have it forced down her throat. As fas as I can see.

What sort of motivations are people trying to see here? This is a 10yo child we are talking about.

GertieGooseBoots · 20/12/2011 16:34

"Maybe the OP needs to read 'We need to talk about Kevin'? I would be very worried about having the stepdaughter near the younger one after this" - a work of fiction written by a woman who doesn't have kids? Do you apply the same principle to all fictitious works in your childraising? Xmas Hmm

SardineQueen · 20/12/2011 16:35

MrsHoarder the OPs GP has said to wait and see. Why do you think the GP has given the wrong advice?

nkf · 20/12/2011 16:36

Well yes I know that. And apparently the OP's doctor said keep an eye on her. I'm assuming that both advice is genuine so presumably it's a judgement call about risk and severity. And if that's the case, maybe the drug side of it is not quite as serious as most posters are assuming. Horrible, nasty and a wake up call about the family's problems but not necessarily life threatening. Possible?

alistron1 · 20/12/2011 16:37

YANBU to be angry, I'd be furious if one of my kids did this to a younger sibling. However you all, as adults, really need to be trying to sort out why this little girl is so angry. Does her mother know about the incident?

All this banishing her etc is nonsense. if she was a DD, not a DSD you couldn't banish her. She is your husbands child.

Oakmaiden · 20/12/2011 16:38

OldMumsy - Maybe the OP needs to read 'We need to talk about Kevin'?

For goodness sake - that is a not terribly realistic work of FICTION. Talk about blowing things out of all proportion.

altinkum · 20/12/2011 16:40

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MardyArsedMidlander · 20/12/2011 16:41

Manicinsomniac- yes. Having dangerous medication in reach of children and leaving them to take it unsupervised COULD be construed as neglect.

altinkum · 20/12/2011 16:43

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waterrat · 20/12/2011 16:43

I imagine doctors in busy casualty wards see quite a lot of kids who have accidntally taken medicine, or kids who have been pushed too hard by an older sibling - and will not be the slightest bit interested in it.

we need to talk about kevin? jesus..so for bullying your little sister you are now a possible killer? get a grip people....

SusanneLinder · 20/12/2011 16:44

SardineQueen and nfk the voices of reason.

Mardy- SS or the police would NOT charge the parents with neglect. However SS may be involved over a rather disturbed and upset 10 year old here. This is not normal behaviour and there are underlying issues.

KittyAnne · 20/12/2011 16:46

I wouldn't let the little witch anywhere near her. She's 10, she gets what she's doing.