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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christmas Birthday, not the child's fault

105 replies

Angelswings · 20/12/2011 11:13

Please help me get a perspective on this, I'm feeling really angry and want to know if IABU to feel this way

Child A, Let's call him Harry, has a Christmas eve birthday and his mum is throwing a party on Friday with a sleepover till Saturday (the birthday). My son is going.

Child B, let's call him Ben has also been invited but is not allowed to go as it's to near to christmas, even though Bens family is not going away for christmas.

Harry was in a bad car crash last December and spent 10 days in hospital with a serious head injury. Harry was in hospital for his 8th birthday as well as Christmas.

Is Ben's mum being rather selfish? Harry really wants Ben to be there.

I want to ask her how she would feel if one of her children had a Christmas birthday and they really wanted a special party after such a bad time last year.

AIBU

OP posts:
DoesNotGiveAFig · 20/12/2011 11:16

I don't understand why Ben can't go. YANBU.

WorraLiberty · 20/12/2011 11:18

No I don't think she's being selfish at all.

This is a very busy time of year for families and they're probably chokka block with other arrangements/things to get on with.

Not only that, but sleep overs often make children very tired and irritable.

For all we know they could affect her son like that so she doesn't want to risk him spoiling Xmas Eve.

NotJustForClassic · 20/12/2011 11:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

crashdoll · 20/12/2011 11:20

Does Ben have any other plans or is he just not allowed to go because it's near Xmas?

AMumInScotland · 20/12/2011 11:21

I don't think it's selfish of a parent to decide what they think is best for their own family. My own DS never got any sleep on "sleepovers" and would be an utter misery for the next couple of days, so a sleepover into Christmas Eve would have made a right mess of Christmas for the whole family.

ViviPrudolf · 20/12/2011 11:22

Harry's Mum could have organised just as special a party for him that didn't involve a sleepover.

pingu2209 · 20/12/2011 11:22

mmmmmmmmmm difficult one. At first glance I would say that Ben's mum is very busy and a sleep over is probably one thing too much at this time of the year. Have you pointed out to Ben's mum about Harry and last year? Perhaps she can have logic (emotional blackmail) to change her mind.

ThatllDoPig · 20/12/2011 11:23

It is sad for Harry, but it really is up to Ben's mum. Do you know her well? Everyone is different and maybe she doesn't think things through the way that you have, or maybe there is some other reason that you don't know about. All you can do is help your son to make is extra special for Harry, you aren't responsible for anyone else.

itsstartingtofeelalotlikexmas · 20/12/2011 11:23

I wouldn't want an overtired child ruining Xmas eve tbh
It's a daft time for a sleepover
You should have had it last Saturday night

momnipotent · 20/12/2011 11:25

Last year my DD was invited over to her friend's house on the 23rd and it evolved into an unexpected sleepover to the 24th. We had plans for a special family day of fun on the 24th and DD came home exhausted which means temper flare ups throughout the day.

I have sympathy for both Harry and Ben and their Mum's. It's a hard time of year with lots of demands on everyone's time, and you just can't please everyone.

WorraLiberty · 20/12/2011 11:26

And sadly Harry is going to have to get used to the idea that people are very very busy around his Birthday.

My friend's DD was born on Xmas day. She's 27 now with kids of her own and she still celebrates her Birthday the week before, because that's what her parents always arranged when she was little.

OldGreyWassailTest · 20/12/2011 11:27

Read the thread properly its startingtofeel - it's not the OP's son.

Original poster
Angelswings · 20/12/2011 11:31

Thank you. Should add (drip feed), I am happy to drive, and Ben, who really wants to go, has been offered to go just for the afternoon.

Last weekend Harry was at his Dad's, otherwise I agree that would have been far better

OP posts:
Groovee · 20/12/2011 11:31

My friend's dd's birthday is today but she held her party 2 weeks ago so people could come. I'm the 17th and only managed 1 party where everyone came. My 11th when my mum held it on my actual birthday and it was a weeknight. I try not to let other december birthday children down but sometimes it can't always be straightforward.

Maybe Ben's mum has plans for Christmas Eve and doesn't want a grumpy child with them who is tired from a sleepover.

PomBearAtTheGatesOfDoom · 20/12/2011 11:33

It's up to Ben's mother to decide where her child sleeps at night and if you're not her, it's none of your business. Wanting to emotionally blackmail her is childish and immature and says a lot more about your reasonableness (or lack of it) than hers.

moominliz · 20/12/2011 11:34

I really do feel for Harry but having a birthday very close to Christmas myself I've just had to get used to celebrating it on a different date and doing something low key as unfortunately people just don't have the spare money, energy or time to fit in an extra party or present at that time of year.

I hope Harry has a much better 2012!

momnipotent · 20/12/2011 11:35

Has Ben been to any other sleepovers? Perhaps this is more to do with it being a sleepover than it being on the 23rd? I know my oldest (9) would not go to a sleepover party due to anxiety issues although he really does like birthday parties.

WorraLiberty · 20/12/2011 11:36

Well if you're willing to pick him up, drive him to Harry's for the afternoon and then drive him back again, it sounds as though Ben's Mum really can't spare him.

Or perhaps she doesn't want him to go over there in case he kicks up a fuss that your son is allowed to stay overnight and he isn't.

Either way, I don't think it's anything for you to get 'really angry' about.

I'm sure Harry will have just as much fun with one friend sleeping over as he would with two Confused

BerylOfLaughs · 20/12/2011 11:40

I wouldn't let dd go to party or sleepover then, we always have family over then and it's not time for parties. Silly time to hold a party anyway, would he have it on Xmas day if that is when his bday was? Of course not. Tell Harry's mum they can have a sleepover another time and not to be silly about it.

befuzzled · 20/12/2011 11:40

shame for Harry and, if I was Bens mum, I'd let him come for the afternoon/early evening. Ultimately her choice though. One of my dc birthday is on the 28th December and that is bad enough so I do sympathise - at least he can normally have his party between xmas and NY - lots of people normally away though.

TroublesomeEx · 20/12/2011 11:40

Maybe they have other plans for Christmas Eve.

Maybe they like to spend as much of Christmas together as possible.

Maybe they have other plans for Friday night.

Maybe Ben doesn't sleep well at sleepovers and his mum knows from experience that he will be hard work the following day.

Maybe they have an early start on Christmas Eve.

I don't know. It's none of my business and none of yours either!

And I don't understand the relevance of Harry's car accident last year.

Why are you bothered?

herbietea · 20/12/2011 11:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

FizzyMoonDust · 20/12/2011 11:41

It is a shame that Ben is not allowed to go but it's his Mum's decision. Nobody is being unreasonable to think it's a shame but she is not being unreasonable either, though I would not stop him from going. You would be unreasonable if you said something to her though, unless you are really good friends and just said that it was a shame.

Indith · 20/12/2011 11:42

I would let my child go to the party but not sleep over. We, like lots of people have plans for Christmas Eve.

FWIW my dd has a Dec 23rd birthday. She is only little now but I had her party this year and last on the weekend before. You are right, it isn't the child's fault and it shouldn't be any different from other non-Christmas birthdays. But most of the time with a non-Christmas birthday the party is not on the day but at the weekend before or after so I don't think it would be unreasonable to suggest that perhaps a better time to have a party if you wanted everyone to be able to come would be the weekend before Christmas.

MenopausalHaze · 20/12/2011 11:42

Oh goody. Another 'let's call............' scenario. Sometimes I wonder if I'm reading Take a Break.