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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christmas Birthday, not the child's fault

105 replies

Angelswings · 20/12/2011 11:13

Please help me get a perspective on this, I'm feeling really angry and want to know if IABU to feel this way

Child A, Let's call him Harry, has a Christmas eve birthday and his mum is throwing a party on Friday with a sleepover till Saturday (the birthday). My son is going.

Child B, let's call him Ben has also been invited but is not allowed to go as it's to near to christmas, even though Bens family is not going away for christmas.

Harry was in a bad car crash last December and spent 10 days in hospital with a serious head injury. Harry was in hospital for his 8th birthday as well as Christmas.

Is Ben's mum being rather selfish? Harry really wants Ben to be there.

I want to ask her how she would feel if one of her children had a Christmas birthday and they really wanted a special party after such a bad time last year.

AIBU

OP posts:
4madboys · 20/12/2011 12:27

well i can see why the mum and the boys would be upset BUT it is a crap time of year to have a birthday, no-ones fault but my own ds3 has his bday on the 23rd dec, he had his party on the 27th dec, purely to avoid this situation, i knew people would find it hard to make it if i did it on his bday and it was important that all his close friends came (he was also extremelly ill last xmas and bday with kawasakies disease) so i checked in advance with othe rparents and arranged a date for the party that was convenient for eveyrone to come (tbh it wasnt convenient for me as the next day we had relatives arriving and i had lots to sort out, BUT i did it so my ds3 would get the party he wanted!) so imo i think the boys mum should have done as i did and spoken to parents beforehand to sort something that would be convenient, its not hard.

4madboys · 20/12/2011 12:28

that should say the 17th of dec, sorry!

4madboys · 20/12/2011 12:28

as in he had his party on the 17th, god this site needs an edit facility!

SantasENormaSnob · 20/12/2011 12:29

My birthday is celebrated on a different weekend usually, as is dds.

No big deal.

Harrys mum is welcome to arrange whatever suits her but can't see her arse if people don't attend.

23rd dec is a shit date IMO.

Fwiw I wouldn't attend an adults do or a night out that date either.

WorraLiberty · 20/12/2011 12:30

I'm not sure I'd want to see Harry's Mum's arse Xmas Shock

DoesNotGiveAFig · 20/12/2011 12:31

Why is it shit? I don't get it. I don't find it shit?

FizzyChristmasFairyDust · 20/12/2011 12:31

enuresis is bed wetting.

SantasENormaSnob · 20/12/2011 12:32

Maybe it's a lovely arse Xmas Grin

WorraLiberty · 20/12/2011 12:33

Well I can't argue with your logic that if people don't attend, they can't see her arse Xmas Grin

SantasENormaSnob · 20/12/2011 12:34

It's shit as it extends to Christmas eve which is a huge deal to me.

Plus we are likely to have other plans. Not involving a birthday.

Proudnscaryvirginmary · 20/12/2011 12:35

I totes agree with Worra (not all the arse stuff, but about the mum not being unreasonable)

SantasENormaSnob · 20/12/2011 12:36
Xmas Grin

just realised how it reads Xmas Blush

see your arse = peeved/strop/sulk/be mightily fucked off

PomBearAtTheGatesOfDoom · 20/12/2011 12:37

I don't think the date actually matters - it's the OP wanting to use some nasty emotional blackmail and graciously condescending to be willing to still smile at Ben's mum over someone else's son's party. Doesn't anyone else find it a tad, well creepy? Since she's not Harry's mum or actually related at all, in any way? Xmas Hmm What exactly does it have to do with her?

WorraLiberty · 20/12/2011 12:37

Glad we got to the 'bottom' of that Xmas Grin

DoesNotGiveAFig · 20/12/2011 12:37

Ahh, so its shit for you

pictish · 20/12/2011 12:40

I feel very sorry for those with Christmas birthdays. It's my son's 4th birthday today, which is ok - he's only 4 so is delighted with a prezzie, balloons and a cake for later....but when he's older I think it's going to suck big time.

I don't think Ben's mum HAS to agree to the sleepover, but having a Christmas kid myself, I think it would be nice if she did.

SantasENormaSnob · 20/12/2011 12:43

Yes for me, hence why I put IMO.

Imagine it's not great for most though tbh.

I really think it's way out of order for someone to see their arse sulk because someone else can't attend a party whatever date it is.

MidniteScribbler · 20/12/2011 12:46

YUBU. If it was so important for Ben to be there, Harry's mother should have discussed it with Ben's mother and selected a date that was suitable.

My birthday falls during the time of exams, so I never had my parties on my actual birthday, because no one would have been allowed to come. Likewise, I'm due to give birth any day now, and my child will just have to accept that he isn't likely to be able to have his parties on or necessarily even close to his actual birthday if he wants everyone to come.

DoesNotGiveAFig · 20/12/2011 12:47

I don't think they are, I think they just feel it's a shame that a child is missing out due to when their birthday is.

There's nowt special about the 23rd to make it a bad date for "most". I'm not busy, maybe I could go instead. Grin

DeWe · 20/12/2011 12:47

Would the situation be different if Harry's birthday was in June and Ben's mum said he couldn't go to the sleepover because they had a big family gathering the next day? Same sort of thing, and I don't think anyone would bat an eyelid at that.

And that Harry was in hospital last year is a red herring. It's not Ben's fault Harry was in hospital last year, so it has no bearing on the current situation. It's just added to add sympathy.

Proudnscaryvirginmary · 20/12/2011 12:48

I really don't get this bloody annoying trend about kids having sleepovers - I hate them! I do let mine sometimes but a) my ds hates them and can't sleep so he lies there waiting for morning like a pining puppy and b) they are both RUINED the next day - tears/tantrums/meltdowns of all descriptions.

WorraLiberty · 20/12/2011 12:51

I've just spat coffee over my screen at my mental image of Fig turning up on Harry's doorstep...overnight bag in hand Xmas Grin

DoesNotGiveAFig · 20/12/2011 12:56
WorraLiberty · 20/12/2011 12:59

I read that as 10 bensons Shock

slavetofilofax · 20/12/2011 13:03

But the child doesn't have to miss out because of when their birthday is. Their parents just have to plan better.

There are other time of the year that birthdays can fall that are not particularly convenient, and it's often quite nice for children to have a small celebration and family presents on the actual day, and then a party on another.

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