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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think in-laws are being a little cheeky

38 replies

scarborough1980 · 19/12/2011 17:27

We have historically always spent Xmas Day with MIL as she only has dh and 1 other son.
We tend to host every 2nd year. Last year we hosted for my family and MIL. BIL was with his inlaws.
This year MIL or BIl would normally host. However, they have decided that it would be nice to eat out this year. Great for MIL as we and BIL are paying for her. Not bad for BIL as they are a family of 2.
However, as a family of 5 we are having to spend best part of £160 for 1 meal.
I did point out to dh that it was alot of money to spend especially as dc are unlikely to eat £60 worth of food between them. However, as usual dh goes along with it.
Realise I am probably not thinimg reasonably as this is 1st Christmas without my mum who was always the perfect host.

OP posts:
CailinDana · 19/12/2011 17:29

Why not have a family Christmas at home, just you DH and the kids? I can totally see where you're coming from. I'd imagine this Christmas will be a tough one for you given that your mum isn't around :(

DeeOfTheNorthPole · 19/12/2011 17:29

When was this decided? It's all a bit last minute to be changing arrangements now although I totally see your point about the cost. Is there no reduced cost for the children's meal?

If this is just being decided now I'd say sorry but it's far too expensive...

Trills · 19/12/2011 17:29

Alot of money

WorraLiberty · 19/12/2011 17:30

I'd rather pull my own teeth out through my arse than go to an overcrowded, over priced restaurant on Christmas Day.

YANBU

Sorry about your Mum Sad

squeakytoy · 19/12/2011 17:31

If whoever is hosting has decreed this, then they should be offering to pay for it, if not then I would just say "sorry, cant afford that, we will opt out"..

slavetofilofax · 19/12/2011 17:32

I wouldn't spend that much on eating out at Christmas, but as I'd spend that much anyway it would be because I'd rather be in a family home on Christmas day.

Just don't go, or offer to do it at your house if they contribute to the cost.

Kladdkaka · 19/12/2011 17:32

£160! Xmas Shock

We're paying less (£150) for 3 adults on New Years Eve for a 3 course meal (including wine), live music and fireworks.

Original poster
scarborough1980 · 19/12/2011 17:33

It was "decided" about a month ago so is to late to do anything about. Only discovered recently we were paying for MIL too. Guess part of it is being sad that we can't treat own mum.

Thank you.

OP posts:
2rebecca · 19/12/2011 17:34

Agree with squeaky toy. I think xmas day eating out with kids sounds unpleasant. Let MIL and BIL go and you can meet up with them a different day.

2rebecca · 19/12/2011 17:35

I would have thought MIL having 2 kids means you see her alternate years, usually only only children get lumbered with every year.

slavetofilofax · 19/12/2011 17:37

Why do you have to pay for MIL too?

Surely that is something you and dh discuss and then decide together to offer to do. It's not a choice that gets made for you that you just have to fall in with.

If dh has decided that you will be paying for her, then he deserves a kick up the arse for being so insensitive.

Original poster
scarborough1980 · 19/12/2011 17:39

I guess you are right rebecca. I suppose I always went along with it as I am part of a large family and therefore my mum always either hosted or had plently of places to go. Plus dh never got on that well with my mum so it was just easier. Always spent Boxing Day with my folks though.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 19/12/2011 17:47

I'm assuming you've (or someone in your party has) paid a deposit?

If you back out, you'll lose it.

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 19/12/2011 17:48

Sorry to hear about your Mum :(

This Christmas will be hard no matter where you spend it.

I think it's rude to decide to eat out when it's your turn to host, unless you are paying.

Split the entire bil with your BIL - it's the least he can do.l

ViviPrudolf · 19/12/2011 17:52

This thread is going to go....

MNetters: That's too expensive, don't go.
OP: Its too late, its booked and I can't get out of it

On and on ad infinitum. What were you hoping for when posting? YANBU to think they're cheeky, but that's about all you can hope for really. YABU for accepting it then going on to have a whinge up. But then we all do that.

Sorry to hear about your Mum, must be a hard Christmas for you.

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 19/12/2011 17:57

I also don't get why you have to pay for MIL. It's their turn to host, so IMO they either host at home or they take everyone out to Christmas lunch. I'd say do the Christmas you want to, whatever that involves; if it means being at home, and MIL and/or BIL complain, you can tell them they're welcome to come over to yours (unless they're not, in which case you could explain that you'd prefer a family Christmas to a restaurant one, you can't justify the cost, the kids will be better off at home, etc etc.

So sorry about your mum. It will be a hard Christmas, so go easy on yourself and good luck!

Original poster
scarborough1980 · 19/12/2011 17:58

I think I probably would have sucked it up and not whinged in normal circumstances. But there is going to be nothing normal about this Christmas. Plus cross with dh over deciding to pay for his mum without dsscussing it with me. However, again can't really complain as she did lend us money this year.
I suppose I am using MN as an outlet to vent.

OP posts:
lollystix · 19/12/2011 17:59

I would love to ear out for Xmas lunch but I don't think it would be fair to inflict my small kids on the other diners who are probably trying to have a civilised meal out (at great expense)

ViviPrudolf · 19/12/2011 17:59

That's what it's for OP Smile

LydiaWickham · 19/12/2011 18:00

Vivi - yep, there's a lot of people on here today complaining about situations they aren't happy with, being told to do something about it, then them explaining why they can't do anything about it. They will then come on and complain about it in the new year, and act like the whole thing happened to them rather than accepting they have any control over their own lives.

OP - you can choose to go to the restaurant or not, don't pretend you don't have a choice. If you don't want to go, don't, you can still cancel and do your own Christmas.

Original poster
scarborough1980 · 19/12/2011 18:00

I too am worried that dc will be bored. Going to go armed with ds's, activity books etc.

OP posts:
EssentialFattyAcid · 19/12/2011 18:03

The host should pay. If they choose not to then it's fine to say you will stay at home instead.

Original poster
scarborough1980 · 19/12/2011 18:03

Tbh I don't want to rock the boat and change anything. I just wanted to reassure myself that it's ok to feel a bit miffed about being steamrollered into doing something I am not over keen on.
However, I ,may be back in January saying we had as nice as time as is possible in circumstances.

OP posts:
ViviPrudolf · 19/12/2011 18:06

Lydia I guess its that time of year where we have the most to get off our chests, but also feel the most pressure to brave things out so everything's getting vented on here.

I've just got home from the yearly yuletide sentence visitation with the PiLs, and I could start about a million threads about grievances which could have been avoided had I stood by what I say every year on my return, that being "never again". But its my own fault that I still subject myself to it every year.

ddubsgirl · 19/12/2011 18:12

2rebecca its isnt that simple tho,dh has 1 bro & 1 sis yet every year we have mil & fil neither of them ever offer to have them,we have asked before and told no,so we host them,last year we didnt and was made to feel very guilty,bil his wife & 2 dds come to us boxing day but means dh has to go pick them up and take them home.