to think in-laws are being a little cheeky

[scarborough1980]

We have historically always spent Xmas Day with MIL as she only has dh and 1 other son.
We tend to host every 2nd year. Last year we hosted for my family and MIL. BIL was with his inlaws.
This year MIL or BIl would normally host. However, they have decided that it would be nice to eat out this year. Great for MIL as we and BIL are paying for her. Not bad for BIL as they are a family of 2.
However, as a family of 5 we are having to spend best part of £160 for 1 meal.
I did point out to dh that it was alot of money to spend especially as dc are unlikely to eat £60 worth of food between them. However, as usual dh goes along with it.
Realise I am probably not thinimg reasonably as this is 1st Christmas without my mum who was always the perfect host.

[pigletmania]

Ok its too late now, but next year tell them in good time that you will be having a family Christmas at home as you cannot afford it.

[abbierhodes]

Some of you are very harsh! The OP is clearly upset about her mum most of all, I think.
YANBU OP, they aren't 'hosting' and I can understand that feels unfair if you have been taking turns.

You might find that you have a lovely time, though. My family has suffered bereavements and Christmas has been difficult at times. We found that doing something totally different helped a lot, actually, as we weren't constantly reminded of the missing person.

Your mum would have wanted you to have a wonderful Christmas, I'm sure.

[2rebecca]

So your husband is one of 3 siblings. he really should talk to his siblings about taking their turn with their parents, although it sounds as though his brother does take turns. No-one can make you feel guilty. My husband is only 1 of 2 but if we had his parents 1 year and the next they moaned about not coming to us I'd tell them they have 2 other children and I have a family too.
This meal sounds as though you could have got out of it a month ago by telling your husband you weren't going out for Christmas dinner with young kids and if his mum and brother wanted to go out for lunch then you'd do your own thing and see them later.
Is your husband a bit of a mummy's boy? You sound as though you are a passive participant in the Christmas arrangements and I wonder if that is the main problem.

[GrendelsMum]

I think that Abbierhodes is right - going out for a totally different Christmas in a hotel might be the best way to get through this difficult first Christmas, which would make £160 well worth spending. I think it would be pretty tough to be at home without your DM.

Sorry about your loss, OP.

[OddBaubles]

Sorry for your loss, Christmas must be hard without your mum.

It does sound cheeky for your MIL to go free when it sounds like her choice and it's her year to host but I don't know all your finances.

With only a few days to go try to just get through this year and enjoy it as much as you can but us it as a time to take stock and think about what you want to do next year (and beyond).

[scarborough1980]

rebecca it was another poster with 2 siblings. He just has a brother. Maybe a change would be for the best this year. However, I guess I am just cross we are paying for mil as we are now unable to treat my own mum.
Tbh I didn't want to host this year as I really don't feel up to it. Heart not in it etc.

[PopcornMouseInAReindeerJumper]

Can you call the "treat" her xmas present, if you're strapped for cash?

[PopcornMouseInAReindeerJumper]

[scarborough1980]

TBF it was BIL who decided that eating out would be good as he did it last year with his wifes family.

[scarborough1980]

Presents already brought. TBF I don't think she even knows that her son's have paid. So maybe It's dh and BIL I should be cross with.

[TestAnswers]

YANBU to be miffed about this. As you say, it isn't about changing it at this point - you can't really without coming across as the bad guy. It is a good opportunity to really think about what you want next year though and manage the situation.

MIL/FIL managed to steamroller us into hosting alternate years. I found the assumption very odd as it was coupled with the assumption that they never host (one year with us/one year with SIL and her family) - they are both fit and well in their sixties. DH, I and the DC have started going out to local restaurants on our 'off year' (The atmosphere/the walk there and back etc and we have been very lucky with the food). It isn't like I wouldn't have glady hosted and invited them over - it was the assumption that I found really rude.

We had xmas dinner at home with the ILs last year though as, again, it was assumed that we would be paying for their meal if we went out (whilst they aren't rich they are certainly confortable - buy new cars, go on several holidays a year). It isn't just Christmas though - I used to invite them over to our house a lot in the early years but stopped a few years back due to the lack of reciprocal invites.

We were in the midst of building work one year and it was 'our' turn - they never offered so DH suggested that they host if we paid for all the food. MIL - cats bum face, she did it though (she is a perfectly capable cook but it was pretty grim, even DH said so - I think she did that on purpose!).

[Ticklemonster2]

Split the bill. It is the least your BIL can do.
Sorry about your mum. This is my third Christmas without mine, so I know how you feel.
£160 is a lot of money for one meal!

[Nancy66]

We went to a posh restaurant for christmas lunch once - hated it.

Staff just wanted to go home - after two hours they were virtually tipping our seats up....