to not want my smoker relative near the baby?

[dobeessneeze]

We're going to stay with my parents from Christmas until New Year. My aunt, who smokes, will be there for most of the day on Christmas Day, Boxing Day and probably another couple of times over the course of the week. She never smokes in the house, but will probably pop outside 5 or 6 times during the day. This will be our PFB's first Christmas, we don't see my side of the family very often as they live quite far away and DD is the first grandchild, so the excitement levels are already off the scale.

Should we:

1. Ask her to follow the guidelines for smoking around babies with regard to hand-washing after smoking, not holding the baby in clothes that she has smoked in, not breathing on baby within so many minutes of having a cigarette etc.
2. Not say anything but try and manage the situation to keep the baby away from her after she's had a cigarette.
3. Not be so damn PFB about it and accept that any toxins are probably in such small amounts that it's not worth risking offending her (and she WOULD be offended, and quite possibly make a scene).
4. Something else.

Never had to deal with this before, so will be guided by the wisdom of the MN jury...

There was a campaign on the local radio about this and a program on tv about the fact that the poisons that are in cigarettes stay on clothes and stuff.

I wouldn't want a smoker to cuddle me so why would I let them cuddle my baby???

3 unless you hate the woman

Because your baby isn't you?

You might not like the smell of curry for example, but that doesn't mean your kids won't.

some advice here

I can't find the tv program but as I recall it was about ENT issues caused by smoker parents holding their children after smoking

A combo of 2 & 3. It's very interesting that there is no evidence though. I don't think you sound too PFB by the way

There is evidence its just hard to find as its hidden amongst the second hand smoking stuff www.livestrong.com/article/530290-can-cigarette-smoke-on-clothing-cause-allergy-symptoms/

I can honestly say I don't know anyone that likes the smell of cigarette smoke on clothes/hair/skin/etc.

And I don't know anyone who would willingly breath in any of the toxins that are in cigarettes other than smokers.

yeah you may want to avoid walking past traffic aswell...

i mean seriously what possible harm do you think is going to happen to your child

It's hard but I'd be more worried about the horrible smell than the toxins which will probably be minimal. It really is unpleasant and can make me want to hurl so I would have a problem with this about my baby. Would people here be happy to have someone who stank of foul body odour cuddling their child, I find many smokers smell just as disgusting.

I have 3 kids and don't think it's pfb at all. I would never knowlingly let a smoker hold any of my babies ever. It's grim and no amount of washing or changing clothes or cleaning teeth can get rid of the carbon monoxide secreted in their lungs and breathed out with every breath.

People who run smoking cessation clinics have breathyliser thingys. If they do it on themselves after a session in a room of smokers who haven't smoked in the room at all then the leader's breath comes up positive . They don't sit anywhere near as close to their clients as a baby cuddled up in someone's arms.

2 and 3. You are there for such a short time do not spoil christmas and your family welcoming the new arrival with a bout of PFB.

As a none smoker, I just think what a load of complete and utter bollocks. You're all still alive and well aren't you after being around so much smoke as children - before it was banned in public places, when children were taken to other homes where people smoked inside, taken to pubs full of smoke, sat in your pushchair in the bus stop while someone else was happily smoking away, and god forbid most likely held at some point by at least one, if not many smokers.

As for the smell, if a baby felt that uncomfortable I'm sure they'd cry and therefore be passed back to mum anyway. All those smokers years ago must have had constant crying from their babies who were under such enormous distress.

I mean come on, get real! Do you actually expect your baby will live until they're 200 instead of maybe 70/80 or whatever if you keep them away from smoke all their lives?

I agree it's difficult and horrible, especially with your PFB. Why not have a word with your mum about it before you're all together?

Looking back on my own childhood it does make me wonder how we all managed to survive surrounded by smokers, at a time when practically everyone chainsmoked, inside the house, with little ventilation - none in winter.

The guidance you've read and heard is really aimed at smoking parents. I doubt that occasional exposure will do much harm.

The smell isn't an abstract concept. It's a combination of unpleasant and potentially harmful chemicals that have attached themselves to the skin and clothing of the smoker.

1. Email/print and send the relevant articles, for back up.

Good luck!

tigerlilly,

how do you know we all alive and well being round smokers in our childhood etc. As for living to 70/80 - don't know if i'll get that far as my mum died of lung cancer in her mid 60's and I breathed in her non-stop smoking for 20 odd yrs - actually I'll consider myself really lucky to make it to 70 or 80.

as for the baby, smokers often smell foul, do they realise many people rate them as stinking as much as people with really bad BO.

Smoking rates have declined in this country over the past 30 years. At the same time, asthma rates have shot up. Excuse me if I'm slightly sceptical about the idea that thirdhand smoke can cause asthma.

sozzledchops - you would be very unlucky to die of a smoking-related illness never having smoked yourself. Only one in 10 lung cancer cases are non-smokers.

Also, OP, have you thought about how hurtful it would be to say to your aunt that she has to wash her hands, can't hold the baby shortly after smoking a cigarette and all the rest of it? It sounds like the perfect way to cause tension, anger and distress and ruin everyone's Christmas.

FIL left his family when DH was 4. He was until 4 years before his death a very heavy smoker. Guess what was DH's favourite abiding smell of 'daddy' - the smell of smoke in his leather jacket. it was a good smell to him. Children don't find the same things 'disgusting' as adults do - hell even adults don't find the same things disgusting.

I can appreciate that you don't like it. I don't TBH. But don't assume your child will be revolted by it. And the evidence for damage from the smell of cigarette smoke is vague and unproven to say the least.

So you have the option of 1. avoiding a small and possibly non-existent risk but seriously upsetting a relative. 2. just letting it go for the small amount of time you will be with them.

A bit of 1 and 2.

When DS2 was 8 weeks old he was quite happily being passed round at FIL's wedding and when he was handed back because he was crying his yummy baby smell had been replaced by a really strong smell of cigarette smoke :( - it was rank and quite upsetting really. Woman in question was saying about him crying on her 'oh, it's because I don't smell like mummy' - too right she didn't and too right he was crying poor mite, she smelt like a feckin ashtray. Not nice.

What sane person would mind washing their hands after smoking before touching a baby? You would wash your hands after any other activity that made your hands smell - why not smoking?

Really? You'd be hurt by someone asking you to wash your hands when you've just been smoking?????? I never was.

And the idea that we were all in smoking households and pubs as children? I wasn't. My parents don't smoke and they never allowed people to smoke in their home. The risks were known even in the 70s! Only people who put their happiness above their children's health smoke around them.

What sane person smokes though, SnowyClimate?

So all smokers are insane?
SnowHun it is your sanity I question if that is what you really think!

Just thought I would say I still own my great grandads pipe fifteen years after his death. It used to smell and I would sit and smell it as a child and remember my grandad. It doesnt smell anymore but I have been thinking about asking for someone to use it so it smells again. So not everyone hates the smell.