to not want my smoker relative near the baby?

[dobeessneeze]

We're going to stay with my parents from Christmas until New Year. My aunt, who smokes, will be there for most of the day on Christmas Day, Boxing Day and probably another couple of times over the course of the week. She never smokes in the house, but will probably pop outside 5 or 6 times during the day. This will be our PFB's first Christmas, we don't see my side of the family very often as they live quite far away and DD is the first grandchild, so the excitement levels are already off the scale.

Should we:

1. Ask her to follow the guidelines for smoking around babies with regard to hand-washing after smoking, not holding the baby in clothes that she has smoked in, not breathing on baby within so many minutes of having a cigarette etc.
2. Not say anything but try and manage the situation to keep the baby away from her after she's had a cigarette.
3. Not be so damn PFB about it and accept that any toxins are probably in such small amounts that it's not worth risking offending her (and she WOULD be offended, and quite possibly make a scene).
4. Something else.

Never had to deal with this before, so will be guided by the wisdom of the MN jury...

Guess it all depends on your relationship with your aunt. She may be completely unaware of the guidelines and horrified at the thought of polluting your babies lungs, therefore would be open to option 1. However, she could be a "militant" smoker and have no regard to anyone else and take deep offense if you go in heavy handed with a list of rules so option 2 would be the best approach.

I am a smoker and would say a bit of each,
I am sure she will be soon aware that you are iffy about holding the baby,( I only hold offered babies)
ask every one to wash their hands first

3- publicly my chain smoking DDad would have thought you were barking mad.

In truth he'd be totally capable of understanding the research and he hated himself for being weak enough to get addicted. Never ever would he have admitted that out load.

Pushing people to defend the indefensible is not the way to a happy Christmas.

It took my DDad getting pneumonia and thinking he had cancer to get him to give up.

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1. It's not worth offending her. If you are able to, then when you see her go out for a ciggie then find something to do with the baby so that when she comes in there's less chance of her wanting to cuddle the baby then.

6 or 7 a day you say. I presume 2 or 3 will be in the evening when the baby's gone to bed anyway.
You have to draw the line somewhere. What if someone goes out to chat to your SIL while she's having her ciggie? They'll have smoke on them as well.

It's not nice, but honestly for a few days I really doubt it will harm your baby. If it looks like she wants to sit with your baby ALL DAY (apart from ciggie breaks) then maybe rethink.

we ad this one year and it inevitably ended in tears.
A cousin went with option 1. A smoking aunty and uncle of mine were not overly bothered by kids so decided it was best if they just avoided the kid for the day as they weren't bothered washing hands/timing after smokes/changing and probably didn't like the implication that they were filthy and poisonous to my cousins kid.
Cue the next evening my cousin flipping the lid over how they were rude and hadn't even acknowledged the child once.
Not saying this will happen to you, just another example of how christmas with relatives is guarenteed to end in a fight no matter what.

My late MIL smoked & she stank to high heaven. I once caught her coming from the bathroom & she hadn't washed her hands as I didn't hear the taps running/boiler coming on so there was no way she would wash her hands after having a fag. So I had to tell her under no terms she was holding my DS after having a fag. She wasn't allowed to fag in my house & she stopped coming down as "it was too cold to go outside"....she preferred her fags to her grandkids. DH said she had always been selfish & he was bloody right.

Sorry I'd go with 1.

And you need to chill a bit.

I'd be more worried about the not washing your hands after going to the toilet, YankeeCandle.

1. And stop being so ridiculous while you're at it.

A combination of 2, 3, as long as she is not smoking around the baby and keeps it outside. Its only for one day, and I expect the amount of toxins are so small, mabey the same as taking your baby out and about in town with car exhaust fumes and other environmental toxina.

1. A lot of smokers stink of stale, rancid tobacco smoke. If one stands next to me in a queue the smell makes me feel physically sick.

Smoking makes your hands and breath stink, and if you hold the baby you'll make them reek of it.

My ILs were smokers, and I really bit my lip when they came to my house or I went to theirs.
Until (pre DC days) they smoked on my brand new 3 piece suite and used to smoke before I got up for work (early risers) so I went out stinking.

When I had DCs I got a bit of backbone, but FIL smoked in his lounge (even though MIL said he didn't smoke in front of DCs. But he did.Chain smoking)
I had to keep pushing DC out in the garden even though thwy wanted to be near GPs. In my house, they would be expected to go outside.

But when my DN (who they looked after) was admitted to hospital and put on a nebuliser , they couldn't make the connection

And I'm an ex smoker - a proper one not someone who smoked a couple of cigarettes when they had a drink. When you smoke you have no idea how much you smell.

I regard myself as a fairly fanatical anti-smoker, but even I would say 3! I mean, come on. She isn't even going to be smoking anywhere near the baby. When I was brought up (1970s), adults constantly smoked around babies and children, and every house you went to reeked of cigarette smoke. I won't add "and it didn't do us any harm", but there is such a thing as perspective.

3, Jees, what do you think is going to happen? PFB is not going to explode.

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I've now been googling around this for a bit now, and can't find any 'guidelines' for smokers to wash their hands and change their clothes after smoking and before touching a baby.

Insofar as I can find anything written about residual tobacco toxins and health risks, it's clearly talking about residue left as dust in enclosed spaces where someone has been smoking. The idea that someone who smokes outside could somehow pose a risk to your baby once they've come back indoors is just a bit bonkers, sorry

Smell the smoking hand of someone who's just had a cigarette. It reeks.

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And while you're at it, see if you can buy your child a Michael Jackson mask

YOu could phone your mum and speak to her about your worries. Pretty much ask her for advice, and I am sure she will subtley speak to your Auntie on your behalf.

Can you catch something bad from a smell MildlyNarky? I'm not sure you can. I find my mother's use of hairspray absolutely vile and I wished she wouldn't use it when she was looking after DS. Similarly, I can't stand the smell of most perfumes.

I wouldn't dream of telling people they can't make their hair like a helmet or cover themselves in Caleche if they were around my baby though