Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be sad with some peoples unenthusiasm for christmas??

146 replies

covermeup · 18/12/2011 11:06

I'm so tired of hearing people say 'it's just another day of the year' 'we won't be changing our normal daily routine' 'we can't be bothered to buy each other gifts' etc etc. Christmas is the one day of the year where you buy gifts for the people you care about to show them they are loved and appreciated!!! It makes me so sad that some people aren't bothered about seeing their family, having a nice dinner, playing some games and opening gifts for ONE day of the year!!

I know some people genuinely can't afford presents but all of the people that I know who moan about the money can! EVERYBODY knows Christmas is going to come around in December so why wait until the week before and then panic?! If every couple put away £20/£30 a month from January - November they would then have £220/£330 for Christmas! Most people wouldn't even notice the moneys gone!

It's sad that we won't be seeing DNeph (14mo) opening his present because Sil only wants to go to her inlaws for lunch and then spend the rest of the day at home by themselves. And Mil is only buying gifts for her 2 grandchildren because she's left it too late she thinks it's 'just another day of the year' and nobody else needs a gift.

I sound like a right whingebag reading that back but I genuinely LOVE christmas and love choosing gifts for everyone I care about and spoiling my DP and all the kids and I love seeing all the smiles on everyones faces on Christmas Day. Makes me feel all warm and gooey inside :)

OP posts:
HumanFly · 18/12/2011 12:04

I think the money aspect is irrelevant. The real problem I have with people foisting their cheer on me is the expectation that I am exactly like them and then acting like I am the worst person in the world because I can't be arsed to put a tree up and lights out and cook a massive dinner!

Why can't you leave me be? Why is it OK for you to impose yourself and likes and values upon me??

I'm making an effort to see my family because I love them. I don't have children, so no one is being deprived. And like another poster said, the lack of children is a very sore point right now. I feel very sensitive, a bit low, and bit not-really-wanting-to-get-in-the-swing-of-things.

Just stop imposing the things you like on other people.

Original poster
covermeup · 18/12/2011 12:05

Thankyou Sweetsanta and SugarAndSpice. I'm glad you've seen the point I was trying to make! I probably didn't word things very well as I'm not at all smug/shallow/materialistic. You're right, carol services, etc don't cost anything and they can still be enjoyed as a family. And we are having a normal roast dinner too, nothing fancy. Sweet I don't mind not seeing my DN on Christmas Day, i just found it sad that Sil just wanted to stay at home by themselves when I know he'd be so happy around lots of people and his cousins. Maybe it doesn't matter so much this year as he's still young.

Also just to point out, I haven't done the saving up monthly thing before, it was just suggested to me by a friend. But I'll definately do it next year. I usually just start shopping in Summer sales and get a few things each month so my bank balance doesn't take a big hit in November!

OP posts:
5318hoho8 · 18/12/2011 12:07
giraffesCantDanceAtXmasParties · 18/12/2011 12:11

I hate Christmas day.It ust reminds me that I on't speak to my Mum an that my baby is not here with me.

I will see family purely because it would hurt them if I don't. But plan to escape asap and do a voluntary shift at ChilLine.

GwendolineMaryLacedwithBrandy · 18/12/2011 12:13

I love Christmas too although the last couple have been shite. But that's because I have a lovely family who all like spending time together and presents aren't the be all and end all that they maybe once were in better times. But I'm also mature enough to accept that not everyone has my family set up/budget such as it is etc and it can be meh for others at best and hellish at worst.

Next year you might fall into the hellish camp. I hope not but you never know. Just concentrate on making your own Christmas what you want and leave everyone else to theirs.

dottyspotty2 · 18/12/2011 12:16

I usually love christmas but this year it ain't happening the last 3 months have been pure hell on earth for me, my kids are older so understand about it.

LesserOfTwoWeevils · 18/12/2011 12:17

YABU.
Christmas is the loneliest time of year.

WorraLiberty · 18/12/2011 12:22

Also just to point out, I haven't done the saving up monthly thing before, it was just suggested to me by a friend. But I'll definately do it next year

Unless like many others, you find yourself jobless.

MistletoeAndFlump · 18/12/2011 12:25

YA (kind of) BU...
I love Christmas. Our house is done up like a grotto on speed. The DC have been hyper since the decorations went up and everthing's gone a bit mad in the house of Flump TBH - but I wouldn't want it any other way.

I have had some very miserable Christmasses, though, so I can see both sides. I've spent some Christmasses with an (ex) partner who treated me like shit and used Christmas as an excuse to be permanently attached to a whiskey bottle and be even more of a b**tard than usual.

I also lost a parent at Christmas, before I had the DC. I then spent many Christmasses feeling terrible, with anything festive reminding me of the pain of my loss.

But years later, after meeting my DH and having the DC, the light was brought back into my Christmasses with their excitement, and it was contageous. And it was also then that I remembered all the lovely excitable Christmasses I had with my parents as a child, and I wanted my DC to experience that too. And if my deceased parent can look down and see what kind of Christmasses I'm giving the grandchildren they never met, I know they will be happy I'm making the most of it.

So - yes I love Christmas, but I can also completely understand why others may not be so enthusiastic. People are at all different places in their lives, and it's unfair to expect everybody to step up and be happy just because it's Christmas.

Laquitar · 18/12/2011 12:25

I like Christmas but i'm not mad about it.
The best family meals we 've had they were spontaneous, not planned 10 months in advance. Ditto re presents.

KittyFane · 18/12/2011 12:25

I remember going to an Aunt and Uncles for Christmas day a month after my Dad died. My Gran and Grandad, cousins and extended family were there. Lovely dinner, cosy atmosphere.
It was pure hell.
Nobody was to blame but I should have stayed at home on my own that year.

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 18/12/2011 12:32

I don't mind not seeing my DN on Christmas Day, i just found it sad that Sil just wanted to stay at home by themselves when I know he'd be so happy around lots of people and his cousins. Maybe it doesn't matter so much this year as he's still young

... and you aren't judging? No, not at all Hmm Who do you think you are deciding that your nephew would enjoy the day more your way? Not to mention the fact that his parents are entitled to enjoy the day as well and decide how they want to spend it.

Dotty I hope you are feeling much better soon and that you get the support you need x

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 18/12/2011 12:35

Kitty :( I hope Christmas is a bit better for you now.

M&F - it's lovely your children have brought the happiness of Christmas back to you :) It sounds like you are having a wonderful christmas time already :)

PsecretPsanta · 18/12/2011 12:38

YANBU.

I love Christmas. I love seeing family, I love the food, the decorations, the carols, the bright warm shops, the excitement, the presents, the magic. I love it all.

It annoys me when people say it's commercialised. It is, of course, but it costs nothing, or next to nothing to sit around with the family and sing carols and exchange small, thoughtful gifts. Handmade, bought, doesn't matter. It's only as commercialised as people allow it to be.

PsecretPsanta · 18/12/2011 12:41

But YABU to expect everyone to feel the same. People can do and feel whatever they like!

MistletoeAndFlump · 18/12/2011 12:41

Aah Thanks Chipping Xmas Smile

ItWasABoojum · 18/12/2011 12:53

YABU but I sympathise - your OP was badly worded and I can see why it rubbed people up the wrong way, but I'm sure you didn't mean it like that.

FWIW, I do sometimes get annoyed with people who don't 'do' Christmas IF that involves spoiling it for other people. My dad found the whole thing pointless and boring, and however much my mum begged him to make an effort for one day of the year, when I was little, he just wouldn't, whether it was just the three of us or the whole extended family. It made Christmas horrible for us all - and he knew it. I'm making up for it now though, and this year I can't wait. I hope everyone on this thread who has bad associations with the season manages to have a happy time regardless, and that you have lots of good Christmases to come.

daenerysstormborn · 18/12/2011 13:14

i think the op's most likely run screaming, hidden this thread and regretting ever posting in vipers nest aibu by now!

Ripeberry · 18/12/2011 13:16

You don't know why they are not bothered with Xmas. This year I could not care less, but will still do it for my own kids. My mum died back in July and she always loved Xmas, so this is the first Xmas in my life without her and it's making me fell 'unchristmassy'.

exoticfruits · 18/12/2011 13:32

I can see why they think it but they should at least hide it from the DCs.

laptopdancer · 18/12/2011 13:37

Xmas is seriously NOT about gifts for us. DH and I dont do gifts. Its not our thing.

FredFredGeorge · 18/12/2011 14:08

YABU, and others have said why, the most telling things in your original post are the "one day of the year where you buy gifts for the people you care about", well I think it's terribly sad if you only show the people you care about one day of the year, and particularly the day of the year when society expects you do something. It's the day when the gift means the least.

The same with seeing and spending time with your family, you should do that throughout the year, if you're not then you probably don't really care about them, just want their gifts love Christmas, rather than them.

MMMarmite · 18/12/2011 14:16

YABU - I have no problem with you enjoy it, but any event where people are expected to be happy is bound to be problematic. It's just too much pressure and highlights the things wrong in your life :(

sheepgomeep · 18/12/2011 14:30

I put aside 80 pounds a month for christmas this year. Two weeks ago or so I found out that the park rep I trusted had actually fucked off with my money.

so EXCUSE ME for not getting into the festive spirit Hmm

specialagentmeh · 18/12/2011 14:31

OP- YABVU. If you weren't judging anyone & were only referring to specific people you know, why talk about how couples should put money away each month.. In any case with regard to your family, you are still VBU and your MIL & SIL are NBU at all. It's not like they aren't doing Xmas at all. They just aren't doing it exactly as you think it should be done.