Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to judge parents who send their children to boarding school?

289 replies

Perriwinkle · 15/12/2011 20:18

I've seen quite a lot of this at close quarters and I just can't get my head around parents who are happy to pack their kids off to boarding school and pay ££££s for the privelige of knowing that they will probably live off the junk they buy in the tuck shop/local shops 80% of the time and live in the most spartan of conditions. No home comforts - not even when they are ill.

Not sure if these "house parents"/Matrons or whatever they're called even bother to inform parents when their children are ill half the time? Many say that kids often vomit at night after having eaten too much crap. How could a parent sleep well knowing their child was ill and away from home?

Sorry, I just don't get it and never will.

OP posts:
manicinsomniac · 15/12/2011 20:57

Firawla - of course sick little children aren't left puking in the middle of the night with nobody to look after them. They are cared for and looked after just like a mother would for goodness sake. Boarding schools do have regular pastoral ofsted inspections and children talk to their parents most days they wouldn't get away with that kind of neglect and cruelty.

SantasStrapon · 15/12/2011 21:00

DD's school has an on site school nurse, she is brilliant. And they certainly do not leave children puking in the middle of the night ffs.

StrandedUnderTheMisltoe · 15/12/2011 21:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Perriwinkle · 15/12/2011 21:02

Forces parents maybe a different case but to be honest I'd rather see my DH go off overseas alone on postings than leave my children in a boarding school so I could spend all my time with him. It'd be more importnant to me to maintain a home for my children and keep them with me. It's horses for courses though I suppose.

Special needs boarding schols are a different case altogether and in those cases many parents are doing what's best for their children's health and wellbeing (not to mention education) in terms of specialist medical care and therapy. In any case, many such children cannot be educated in mainstream schools.

I guess I'm aiming this at parents who send them and have no real pressing "need" to.

Many of these private schools where children board look lovely from the outside - imposing architecture, rolling grounds etc but when you get inside the facilities are very run down. The independent school I know of the boarders are always wandering down into town and seem to live off kebabs/chips and pizzas, fizzy drinks, sweets, crispssausage rolls and pasties from the local supermarket etc. Money is no object because they all have a debit card and just withdraw cash that parents deposit in their accounts from the hole in the wall.

The boading houses are very dilapidated too and I wonder about hygiene and cleanliness. Most of these kids have their school uniform on until bedtime. Who is really looking out for them in the way a loving, caring parent would? Someone who is paid to do it as a job is no substitute that's for sure.

OP posts:
reelingintheyears · 15/12/2011 21:02

SantasStrapon

Ignore,ignore,ignore.

It's all bollocks.

People judging others when they have no real idea what they're talking about.

Original poster
Perriwinkle · 15/12/2011 21:07

"People judging others when they have no real idea what they're talking about"

Yep. Welcome to Mumsnet reelingintheyear

OP posts:
forceslover · 15/12/2011 21:07

Def ignore the OP is trying to flame - she is not worth it. You do not have to justify how you educate your children or the choices you make. It is none if their business.

Pantofino · 15/12/2011 21:07

I am fine with the idea of sending older children - forces etc. But can only see the need to send 7 yos as sad and down to pretension and being the "done thing".

midori1999 · 15/12/2011 21:07

Hmm... I'm not sure what boarding schools you have experience of, but my son boards and it's nothing like that. He has his own, lovely room, although had the option to share with another boy if he wanted. There's no tuck shop at all, although they can visit local shops and they get lovely home cooked meals and suppers.

As for the housemothers, I can't speak highly enough of them, they are wonderful and caring. They regularly ring me just to update or if there's any query/illness/problem. They know my son very well. One of the housemothers has an arrangement for one of the pupils to live with her as his (forces) parents moved prior to the school offering full time boarding. The job is clearly very close to both of their hearts.

bigkidsdidit · 15/12/2011 21:07

I used to beg to be allowed to go to Malory Towers but mum wouldn't agree. I was highly disgruntled for years.

If DS wants to board from 13 ish onwards I suppose I'd let him, a number of my friends at university boarded and had a good time. Not before teenage though

forceslover · 15/12/2011 21:07

Of even.

Pantofino · 15/12/2011 21:11

Midori - can I ask WHY your son boards?

CharlieCoCo · 15/12/2011 21:13

no idea what world your in, but that wasn't my reality when i was at boarding school. when i was 7 i had a yr in England with my mum whilst my dad lived in Germany. it was also a time when she got really sick and i would have loved my dad then. when i was 9 they asked if i wanted to go to boarding school and i chose to give it a go. it was fine. we had matrons look after us and they aren't stereotypically old and stuffy thy were young and fun and when we were sick of course we got looked after. we had tuck shop on a friday and on the weekends, the weeklies went home and we stayed and went into town with our matrons or if we got invited to a weeklies could go there for weekend (with parents permission). the only thing i didn't like was we had our beds inspected each morning to see they were made properly-but then with a dad in the army u grow up making beds anyway...
as for you would rather have your husband live away for a yr then send your child to boarding school, would your child? what if it was you? its easy to judge when you aren't faced with those situations and easy to lump everyone in one category, but in my case my parents did what was best for me and i aint f'd up-nor judgey...

abbscrosswoman · 15/12/2011 21:13

Own up OP you've been watching Oliver Twist, haven't you ?

LadyMetroland · 15/12/2011 21:14

YANBU.

We all make judgements about people.

Most of us would secretly judge a mother in a supermarket who shouts and swears at her kids. From the outside it seems wrong, although there may be good reasons for her behaviour.

In the same way, most people secretly judge those who choose to send their children away without good reason (ie not in armed forces or similar).

In my experience, these parents are doing it mostly for social climbing reasons as the school you go to is still important in some social circles.

santastooearlymustdache · 15/12/2011 21:14

i didn't realise when your DCs went to school you were no longer a parent Xmas Grin

you certainly loads on MN

SantasStrapon · 15/12/2011 21:15

You are right. Lot of hot arse air.

reelingintheyears · 15/12/2011 21:15

Are you implying that i know nothing about boarding school Perriwinkle ?

Did you go to one yourself?

santastooearlymustdache · 15/12/2011 21:15

*learn

Xmas Blush
GrendelsMum · 15/12/2011 21:16

A friend's daughter has just gone to boarding school aged 13 - she is just absolutely over the moon about it. She's an excellent musician, won a scholarship, and is now spending a lot of extra time playing music.

From what she says, they're very well looked after, and not too pressurised musically at all, although I can imagine it's quite a balancing act with that particular group of very talented teenagers.

She can easily come home at the weekends if she fancies (only 40 mins by direct train), which so far she has only done once.

reelingintheyears · 15/12/2011 21:17

FFS,why did i post that?

I don't care if you did or did not.

worriedsilly · 15/12/2011 21:20

YABVVVVVVU

Lots of the Drs wher I work (maternity) commute 100 miles to work their shifts. It is part of their training rotation and a non-negotiable. They might work a 48 hour week, or a 70 hour week and that will include days nights, weekends and so on.

Often their husband or wife will be medical or in a similar career with the same sort of inflexible hours.

What are they supposed to do with their children? Just move their school every 3 to 6 months?

To me, simply sleeping at school instead of being picked up from childcare at 7pm, put to bed at 8p,. woken at 6 am and dropped at childcare at 7am....well, how is that much of a life?

I think we should all try to be a bit more understanding of those working in jobs we all take for granted (and indeed judge and feel a sense of ownership for). Afterall, not all doctors can be GP's working part time office hours...if such a role even exists.

P.S. I am not a Dr, I just see how little they actually get home.

ThatsNotSantasBabyBelly · 15/12/2011 21:20

But does anyone want their primary school age child to board, or is it just circumstances?

ivykaty44 · 15/12/2011 21:21

I went to a boarding school as a day girl, there where plenty of girls that wanted to board as it was lovely. So I guess I wouldn't judge parents that let and can afford for their dc to board, as it may be that it is the dc that wants to board and not the parents pushing them off as you seem to assume.

I think YABU for assume far to much

Pantofino · 15/12/2011 21:21

SN/Foreign Postings aside, I can understand that it used to be the done thing for certain people. You signed ds up for Eton/Harrow/winchester the day they were born. But in those days, babies were looked after by Nanny and only ever presented to their parents after bath/before bed sort of thing. I just don't see the same argument for it anymore. Unless you don't want to SEE your chidren....