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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About my new health visitor?

258 replies

EllenandBump · 14/12/2011 19:55

I carefully explained to her today the situation. Currently my son is 18months and sleeping in a travel cot, which i am worried that he will eventually climb out of and what did she tell me, when he does, just put a mattress on the floor for him, HELLOOOOO. I then explained, it was my sisters room, and has full length glass on the wardrobe doors and bedside tables and she told me to put CLING FILM over it, like thats really going to help. Surely its dangerous to leave him to just run around in there on his own? If i had said it surely they would have been onto social services!!! I am sure she couldnt have had children of her own btw

OP posts:
Original poster
EllenandBump · 19/12/2011 18:57

Apparently, it seems they havent even taken a formal application. So tehy have just said no basically that this borough will not house me. I am looking at other options but have no rent in advance or deposit. Orbit south are advertising short term tenancies at larner road, in erith, but short term, because teh tower block they are in has the go ahead to be pulled down. Not sure if i would then be considered for housing if i was to take one of them on and then get tol i needed to mopve out. It is be regenerated, but that of course takes time

OP posts:
Arachnophobic · 19/12/2011 19:08

Haven't read all your posts OP, but wouldn't getting a job help your situation? Just an idea.

Original poster
EllenandBump · 19/12/2011 19:13

Living at mums, it would affect all her pension etc, so cant afford to, also with no where to liove, PND and just having got out of an abusive relationship i am going through quite a lot. Getting a job would help, but i used to wrok with horses but now obviously with a little one thats not an option to go back to as its VERY early mornings and you can be there all night if there are any complications thats part of the job.

OP posts:
emmie78 · 19/12/2011 19:21

Would even a part-time job affect your mum's benefits?
Then you could still be with your son the majority of the time but would be earning a little bit that you could put towards a deposit on a private house then claim HB.

Original poster
EllenandBump · 19/12/2011 19:26

It would affect mums pension credit and council tax benefit and all my benefits too. Its so difficult. I would also have to pay for child care so would be paying out more than i have incoming. But it is a good thought.

OP posts:
Arachnophobic · 19/12/2011 19:26

If you we just able to cobble the deposit together HB would pay the rent, I think?

emmie78 · 19/12/2011 19:36

It's not your fault Ellen but the system is so wrong when people are not encouraged to take responsibility themselves Sad

Original poster
EllenandBump · 19/12/2011 19:42

I am trying to take responsibilty for myself and my son, and try to find ourselves a home. HB would pay the rent up to 750, but the landlords all want a months rent in advance and the same deposit which is 1500 and i havent got that sort of cash. I am BADLY in debt and cant see a way out.

OP posts:
emmie78 · 19/12/2011 19:44

I know Ellen, you are stuck because of the system and it sucks. sorry I don't have a more practical answer, I'm trying to think of something..

Original poster
EllenandBump · 19/12/2011 19:47

Thank you. Its nice to speak to someone who isnt like, well own fault get on with it, go get a job or borrow money. ALL OF WHICH I CANT DO!!! It is the system, they want you out of council homes and off benefits but wont help you to do so

OP posts:
Feminine · 19/12/2011 20:13

It does sound like you are a bit trapped then.

So have they (in so many words) wiped their hands of you?

Because they don't see a need?

Have you contacted shelter or CAB yet? I can't remember what you said :)

ohanotherone · 19/12/2011 20:25

I get ya now. Right, I think you should get in touch with your councillor and MP. Make sure you have filled in all the forms correctly first and have in in writing that your council (mums) will not house you. I think it is a poor decision made by an council officer for the following reasons.

a) You were a victim of domestic abuse and therefore had to move from that area. You did not make yourself intentionally homeless.
b) You have a medical condition (epilepsy) which means that you need family support locally. (PND is not going to last forever and in Housing terms they look at permanent problems rather than short term problems)

Your GP should support this and the council usually pay the GP for a medical report or have their own medical officer. It might not make a house available but at least you would be on the list. The council should also help you find accommodation in private sector once they accept that you are eligble.

Original poster
EllenandBump · 19/12/2011 20:27

i have been in contact with my housing aid solicitor person (Claire who is fantastic and lovely) and it was her they contacted not myself regards to it to say that they will not accept me as homeless, but based on assumptions, so we can ask them to review it. Shelter was the ones who put me into contact with claire and she is really helpful. They dont see me as a need as i can "reasonably" go back to northampton and my tenancy there with my abusive ex partner. I had just hoped on saturday i was getting somewhere when i emailed them back my doctors details, as they asked for, but they had already made the decision on friday, so a bit pointless to ask. Maybe they did in preperation for a review?

OP posts:
Original poster
EllenandBump · 19/12/2011 20:32

I havent even been given or sent any forms to fill in. Housing aid have done loads of legal stuff though, including a formal homeless application for me. I knew they would mess me around. Told me they couldnt help me at all at first.

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ohanotherone · 19/12/2011 21:42

They have a duty to house you, a vulnerable woman with a child. After all, how many women die at the hands of abusive partners each week??? (Sorry not meant to scare you but something to throw at them) I hope that the people that are helping you sort things out. I'm sure things will be better soon and at least you are safe!

Original poster
EllenandBump · 19/12/2011 21:52

Almost, but not quite killed, just emotionally wrecked. I know it seems they have a duty, but because the police didnt press charges the council seem to be making the assumption that the incident didnt take place. Which i am told they shouldnt be assuming.

Seems like they just want to f**k me off to northampton or anywhere but here

OP posts:
SaggyHairyArse · 19/12/2011 21:58

I think the cling film that she is referring to is a glass wrap that stops peices of glass fragmenting if it breaks so it is easier to clear up and you are less likely to get hurt.

I would suggest you move the funiture.

WinterWonderlandIsComing · 19/12/2011 22:24

I lost my 2-bed house when I had to give up my career due to DD's health difficulties and the debt XH had left us in. I didn't even know that there was a council list I could go on or that I could claim benefits so I took the equity and spent it on renting privately (she was 18 months old) and, well, living at a basic level.

When the money ran out I was to blame for not knowing any of this but I had always worked, went back when she was 2 mo and thought that because I was capable of working that I would be made to work and pay childcare at a loss even though she was a baby and I was a lone parent by the time she was six months old.

But I was offered a 1-bed elderly person's flat. The other option was to take DD who has a life-threatening condition and go to a hostel where her condition would be VERY life-threatening indeed but chances of a better house were higher.

I couldn't risk it and DD and I remained in the box flat for years. But I was grateful for it even though I was fucking mortified when the HT and class teacher came for a pre-school visit and had to see the cramped conditions we were living in - and had to sit on the sofa / bunk-bed in the living room which I slept on so that DD had a bedroom. The place was neat and tidy and clean but what a humiliation. These people used to be my teaching colleagues.

Just saying that one bad choice - in this case, my XH can put you in a very vulnerable position. When DD's medical problems became apparent it all collapsed.

I have sympathy for you OP and wish you well. Inadequate housing is awful but you do also have blessings to count. Do count them. It may save your sanity. Good luck Smile

Feminine · 19/12/2011 22:41

Are you in a borough(don't need to say which one) that has very little housing stock? well less that most IYSWIM? Maybe they actually think you will be better off in Northampton?

olgaga · 19/12/2011 22:57

I think you have said you're in Bexley, OP? This is a cheaper London Borough considering its good links to central London, but LB Bexley no longer own any council homes. Instead they operate in partnership with social housing associations.

Here is the link:www.bexley.gov.uk/index.aspx?articleid=3630

However, as I have said before, I think you stand little chance of securing social housing in your current circumstances.

ohanotherone · 20/12/2011 10:27

There lies the problem. You are more likely to get housing out of London than in the greater London area. They are much more likely to try to refuse you housing simply because they don't have any housing stock so you could be in housing limbo for years. I used to work in social services and housing in London and even with people with very high needs people were inadequately housed for years on end. Talk to them about private rented and housing benefit or ring the housing associations up yourself and fill in their forms directly. You seem able to communicate well on here so you can do it! Yes, get help from others but at the end of the day if you are proactive and explain your circumstances face to face you will get further than sitting back and letting faceless people read letters.

Original poster
EllenandBump · 20/12/2011 20:59

I have checked out on .line all the local housing Associations (and there were lots of them) and they all only take nominations for the council as there lists are closed. Bexley, is the only place i have any family or friends. I really dont feel safe going back to northampton, they think will be better off because thats where i was from. We only got housed there before cos we were evicted from our privately rented property at 8months pregnant, so were a priority. It seems to work differently in this borough, for example, those who are homeless are put into an emergency band if they have children and are then TOP PRIORITY. Dont see why i cant even go on the list though?

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Feminine · 20/12/2011 21:16

I can't see why not either.

I think something has gone wrong somewhere don't you?

There is no reason why you can't be a low band ( although I think you should be classed higher up) no, your situation is not an emergency but you do need more space IMO :)

Original poster
EllenandBump · 20/12/2011 21:36

And mum has written saying i cant stay here and that she wants me to leave ASAP, she actually wrote a date in november, although she has said i can stay here temporarily until i sort myself out. I understand i am not an emergency and there are a lot of people worse of than i am, but i also dont think they are doing their job properly. I mean why ask for my doctors details, when they have already made the decision. x

OP posts:
Feminine · 20/12/2011 21:45

I know:)

what are you going to do next?

Are you waiting on anything else from anyone/where?