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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About my new health visitor?

258 replies

EllenandBump · 14/12/2011 19:55

I carefully explained to her today the situation. Currently my son is 18months and sleeping in a travel cot, which i am worried that he will eventually climb out of and what did she tell me, when he does, just put a mattress on the floor for him, HELLOOOOO. I then explained, it was my sisters room, and has full length glass on the wardrobe doors and bedside tables and she told me to put CLING FILM over it, like thats really going to help. Surely its dangerous to leave him to just run around in there on his own? If i had said it surely they would have been onto social services!!! I am sure she couldnt have had children of her own btw

OP posts:
working9while5 · 15/12/2011 23:38

Yeah, but she is a HV not a MNer. It's not her place to decide whether there are worse things than living with your mother if the OP is asking for help and saying she finds the situation intolerable. We can make our own judgements, HV just has to signpost and support.

Kayano · 15/12/2011 23:44

But she can only do so much, she doesn't have to write a letter and support a move. She can give practical advise about what can be done to improve the situation (which apparently she tried to do, suggesting options for the house , matresses and glass coverings etc).

Op just seemed to want the letter and not any other advice or discussions with her. I still don't think this HV did anything at all wrong...

Op is already doing what she needs, she needs a letter from her mum stating she will be homeless etc. it's already in the process so surely the HV should be concentrating on actual health?

working9while5 · 15/12/2011 23:53

I didn't say she did anything wrong, I just think a lot of the posts here show a fundamental lack of understanding about what the HV role is with all the "what's it do to with the HV?" comments. The OP may be unclear about her role too, that is fair enough, but she seems quite stressed out and actually I've found a lot of the responses have been far from sympathetic to someone in a pretty hard situation.

Also, psychological health and mental well-being is "actual health" and HV's have a clear role with PND and social support for victims of domestic violence in particular.

TheSecondComing · 15/12/2011 23:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

working9while5 · 15/12/2011 23:56

The other thing that strikes me is that the midwife who was involved was about when the OP was in much more dire need in clearly substandard housing conditions and an abusive relationship.

Unfortunately, OP, that level of support reduces dramatically once the immediate threat is removed and you are now categorised as much lower risk, so the level of input you had then won't be repeated. You just won't get as much support in your current situation as time and resources are devoted to those in more dire need, which you were at one point, but are no longer even if you are still feel you are really suffering the after-effects of that experience.

AuntieDoris · 16/12/2011 08:00

The other thing to remember is that if this was just one meeting then it may not be entirely reflective of what their entire working relationship will be like. First meetings are often information gathering and meeting the individual - the meatier work happens over a period of time.

Birdsgottafly · 16/12/2011 08:12

OP i haven't read the whole thread. Are you attending your local Children's Centre for any of the stay and play etc sessions?

Your HV should be sign posting you to these. You will recieve advice and information through the Centre on who is best to help and support you.

There are usually outreach workers who are willing to vist mums at home, if it is felt that extra support is needed or there has been a situation similar to yours.

Those that are saying it sisn't anything to do with the HV, don't understand the job role. It is for a HV to identify what services may be needed and direct a parent to them.

Birdsgottafly · 16/12/2011 08:16

OP-Just to add, she may not want to 'scare you off' and her plan may be to get to know you a little better.

If she is being judgemental, it is all the more reason why she should be directing support services to you.

I would find out where your Childrens Centres are and go along. They stuff going on in them is great and i wish that they would have exsisted when mine where little.

RealiTreeCoveredInTinsel · 16/12/2011 08:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HeadfirstForGabrielsHalo · 16/12/2011 13:10

If he is climbing out of his cot he needs to go in a bed, and you need to babyproof his bedroom. It's your responsibility. The clingfilm over the glass until you can remove them is a genius idea!

YABU about the HV, it's easily done though when you are feeling sleep devrived and stressed.

GlueSticksEverywhere · 16/12/2011 13:37

I think the HV giving you evils when your DS fell over would have me changing HVs by itself.

I found with the HVs I had that they were indeed very judgemental and not in a helpful way. They seemed to just spout a whole bunch of government guidelines so it didn't matter what the problem was they would say "well the government says you should . . ."

I actually saw a woman experiencing what I could only describe as bullying from a HV at the clinic. The HV didn't approve of the woman giving her DC a bottle of formula at night and was quite nasty about it. The woman lived with relatives and her sister used to occassionally give the baby a bottle at night so that the mum could get a bit more sleep. The HV told the woman that she wasn't entitled to sleep as she had a baby and that she MUST NOT give her baby formula as it was against the government guidelines on breast feeding. The woman to me looked exhausted so imagine being told that she MUST give up her help! I did wonder at the time if it was because the woman was speaking through a translater and seemed delicate. She was an easy target. I can't imagine the HV getting away with being so dictatorial to anyone else. (It's hard to explain how harsh she was to the woman but it wasn't good).

My own experience has been HVs telling me to go and see them if I wanted counselling for my depression. They would tell me this every week. I did decide I wanted counselling, went and saw them and they told me to see my GP about it! As I was very unwell that extra visit to the clinic wasn't something I needed.

I've also had lectures about things which I wasn't even there to discuss. For eg they noticed my dc had a dummy and started lecturing me even though I told them that I had done my research, thought it through and didn't agree with their or the governments view on it and was not there to discuss it, that I had heard their opinion and would chose how to handle the issues myself as the parent. Also about what time my toddler had milk, I mean mind you own bloody business! If I chose to give my dc milk in the morning it's not going to do any harm! It's supposed to be good for them! Ah but it doesn't fit in with givernment guidelines. Hmm

Wow got me ranting now!

Lucky21 · 16/12/2011 19:26

He needs to be in a low bed BEFORE he can climb out of the cot, otherwise he could hurt himself the 1st time he climbs out... Bearing in mind your space issues, why not just put him to sleep on the cot mattress on the floor? It may look a bit trailer-trash but it's safe! I'm sure you can buy special film to put over glass to protect him if he breaks it, but a couple of layers of cling film sounds OK to me!

Sirzy · 16/12/2011 19:35

On the "giving the evils" comment it is also worth bearing in mind if your already in a frame of mind where you have decided you don't like someone it is easy to read something into a look That isn't actually there!

GlueSticksEverywhere · 16/12/2011 21:31

I'd be worried about actual cling film though in case he peeled it off and wrapped it round his own head or stuffed it in his mouth.

Original poster
EllenandBump · 17/12/2011 16:12

I already have been to my doctor, i had an appointment there on thursday and on friday for the results of my blood test. When i originally went to teh doctor to dicuss ther tiredness the lack of sleep etc, all signs of PND, she done me out a blood test form and asked me to come back to see her to discuss the results as the doctor did suggest that my PND might not be fully iunder control and that the dosage may need to change. I have been in contact with a solicitor regarding housing. All i wanted was the health visitor to say that, yes it would help to support her if she were to live in the same part of the country as her family, which i feel it would, how many of you when you had your children had no friends and no family. It does not either increase nor decrease my mum's benefits by me living here, as she is a pensioner (yes she was 41 when she had me) and therefore her pension credit would only be affected if i were to start working. So my mum has nothing to lose by kicking me out financially. She told me as soon as i came down that i would have to find myself somewhere to live as i couldnt stay here permanently. Since my last post, DHA have been in contact with the council in letter form for them to treat the letter as a formal homeless application, which was sent on 13/12/11, since then yesterday i received an e-mail back with regards to who my doctor in the area was. i have e-mailed them the requested information, along with my previous doctors details. x

OP posts:
GlueSticksEverywhere · 19/12/2011 09:09

All i wanted was the health visitor to say that, yes it would help to support her if she were to live in the same part of the country as her family

When you put it like that no it doesn't sound that much to ask. Did she actually say no and did she give a reason?

Original poster
EllenandBump · 19/12/2011 17:41

She said, it seemed i was doing okay by myself. My Housing aid worker phoned today to inform me that the council have decided not to accept me as homeless and we now need to get the decision reviewed. GREAT. So no reason, just you sound like your doing ojay, but obviously i am not. xx

OP posts:
Kayano · 19/12/2011 17:47

Did your mum actually write
The letter saying she was going to kick you out?

Because I still can't see how it's hv fault

ohanotherone · 19/12/2011 17:53

I would imagine that the HV would not want to write a letter because probably amongst the many cases she sees in the scheme of things you are not that badly off. People always think that professionals should write letters but really if you been given points or bands then there is not much use in them. Letters don't increase the local housing stock or materialise houses out of thin air. Given that you have what sounds like poorly controlled epilepsy, isn't it a good idea to stay with your mum anyway?

Original poster
EllenandBump · 19/12/2011 18:16

Not really. My epliepsy is controlled in that i no longer have fits but i have muscle spasms all night and have done for the last 5 years. The council seem to disagree about having any need to be in this borough and that i would be better off in northampton.

Whats really annoyed me is that they wont even put me in BAND 4 (no housing need) which i thought everyone had the right to apply to be housed and to be on the waiting list, but if your of low priority never likely to get housed. Its not hv fault about the council, but when all you want is a letter to confirm you have PND, which i do, and her to say that PND is improved by having family etc around (which i am feeling better minus the stress) isnt much to ask.

The health visitor went on and on about having no family, needing to make sure i go to sure start centres etc when i was in northampton for support cos i had no family, now this one wont support me by saying that having family near by would be helpful, especially under circumstances

OP posts:
Kayano · 19/12/2011 18:20

Wouldn't the dr who writes your prescriptions would be the best person to ask for that?

Original poster
EllenandBump · 19/12/2011 18:25

My doctor said it would be better to ask my health visitor as they see me more often. although seems like i am seeing the doctor a lot. What i dont get is that the council decided on thursday not to consider me as homeless BUT then EMAILED me friday for my doctors details - Why do they need them seeing as they have made a decision?

OP posts:
Kayano · 19/12/2011 18:28

Cos most councils are ineffectual twats where the left had has not a clue what the right had is doing I should imagine
Sad

Have they said you can appeal.

Original poster
EllenandBump · 19/12/2011 18:49

My housing aid solicitor has said we can ask them to review the decision, from there i suppose if they do not over turn the decision then we could probably appeal. Everything happening all over christmas. All i wanted was them to accept responsibilty it house me, which they havent.

OP posts:
Feminine · 19/12/2011 18:53

Thats odd you didn't get band 4 isn't it?