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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About my new health visitor?

258 replies

EllenandBump · 14/12/2011 19:55

I carefully explained to her today the situation. Currently my son is 18months and sleeping in a travel cot, which i am worried that he will eventually climb out of and what did she tell me, when he does, just put a mattress on the floor for him, HELLOOOOO. I then explained, it was my sisters room, and has full length glass on the wardrobe doors and bedside tables and she told me to put CLING FILM over it, like thats really going to help. Surely its dangerous to leave him to just run around in there on his own? If i had said it surely they would have been onto social services!!! I am sure she couldnt have had children of her own btw

OP posts:
OldeChestnut · 15/12/2011 15:27

why on earth do people have kids when they are in a completely inappropriate environment, then expect health visitors/midwives/GPs/councils to jump through hoops to get them a new place to live

PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY MY LOVES!!

valiumredhead · 15/12/2011 15:33

Not read the whole thread yet but just wanted to say that she probably meant the cling film stuff you buy from Mothercare to stop the glass from shattering.

And why is a mattress on the floor such a bad idea? We did it with ds when he was about the same age as he was too big for his cot as he could climb out and too small for a bed - worked well.

By 18 months my ds could go and help himself to stuff out of the fridge and was scaling baby gates. So what if he climbs out?

VivaLeBeaver · 15/12/2011 15:34

"why on earth do people have kids when they are in a completely inappropriate environment, then expect health visitors/midwives/GPs/councils to jump through hoops to get them a new place to live

PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY MY LOVES!!"

I believe the OP said she'd left her partner and home due to domestic abuse and that's why she's at her mums. It could happen to anyone!

G1nger · 15/12/2011 15:40

Do we need to check our sons for lumps? From what age?

G1nger · 15/12/2011 15:41

That was in response to a poster who said she'd been asked if she did...

GlueSticksEverywhere · 15/12/2011 16:04

I mentioned something like that but it was my DHs testicals, not DS.

G1nger · 15/12/2011 16:07

Oh thank goodness for clarifying that! :)

TheFestiveWife · 15/12/2011 17:20

OldeChestnut

"why on earth do people have kids when they are in a completely inappropriate environment, then expect health visitors/midwives/GPs/councils to jump through hoops to get them a new place to live"

PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY MY LOVES!!

Bloody hell you're supportive aren't you. Xmas Hmm The OP left her abusive partner and had to move in to her mum's very small 2 bedroom masionette. Is that ok by you? Or should she have stayed with an abusive man just to please you? FFS!

whackamole · 15/12/2011 17:27

YABVU. Lots of people don't have room for a cot - my friends are a case in point.

We did, but the boys still got out. You can't stop that. The glass is likely shatterproof, and FWIW OFSTED offered the same advice re a mirror my mum had on the wall when she was childminding (or some sort of plastic film).

I don't know what you want from her tbh, unless you are just trying to find a reason to be rehoused?

G1nger · 15/12/2011 17:38

Have you contacted Shelter yet?

slavetofilofax · 15/12/2011 17:42

Perhaps you could apply for a job and save up for a deposit on a place if living with your Mum is so bad. Where did you work before you had the baby?

There's a lot to be said for taking responsibility for yourself and your children instead of expecting it all to be handed to you on a plate.

Original poster
EllenandBump · 15/12/2011 19:31

I had worked at a stables before having liam, but obvciously being up at 5am in the morning and possibly having to saty all night (I DID BEFORE WITH A MARE IN LABOUR) is not a suitable job. Apart from that my mum cant afford for me to work, she would lose her some benefits(which tops it up to basic state pension level) and have to pay council tax, lose the cconcessions on gas and electricity and no she cant just go to work. She has a frozen shoulder, a slipped disc in her back and is 64 and has worked hard all her life, for christ sakes my dad waas only 57 when he died and work up until mid august, and died on october 31st.

I am in contact with a solicitor, through shelter and she has written to the council, trying to force them into accepting a duty of care to house me.

I dont expect it to be handed to me on a plate, just a bit of advice and sometimes just a cuddle of reassurance is all i want, which doesnt cost any one, including the tax payer ANYTHING. xx

OP posts:
Original poster
EllenandBump · 15/12/2011 19:39

Our midwife when we were expecting my 18month old, yes did phone environmental health for us because although we had repeatedly phoned them, no one had come to the property to assess it and we were 5months pregnant, so yes she did and sure enough they made us an appointment then. Sometimes having the right letters or back up from the right people can really help. xxx

OP posts:
Feminine · 15/12/2011 19:40

You deserve help...your situation is tricky isn't it...

I have read all of it and watched this thread develop...from that its obvious things are going to get on top of you.

Its very catch22 with your Mum and her benefits ...I understand if you work , she will lose some of them?

I suppose you might just have to bide your time for a bit ...I think you will eventually get housed.

Are you going through the council in order to bid on housing association properties? you know ...to be on the list?

Or are you hoping for council property because they don't really exist anymore.

Good luck :) Ellen.

Original poster
EllenandBump · 15/12/2011 19:49

I have gone through all the local housing association websites and you have to be on the council list, as they go through the council to house people... a pain i know and they havent even put me on the list so i cant even start bidding yet. My mum will lose her council tax credits (about £2000 a year) and her pension credits. She would be on minimum wage and be working stupid hours.

I am trying to be rehoused. Mum has stated to the council that i am unable to stay there but was told it would help my application if i could prove it wou;d benefit my health to stay in the area, which i think it would, surely, having absolutly no one anywhere near is not going to help PND as i struggle to mix with strangers? I have met back up with some old friends, but i knew them when at school. xxx

OP posts:
G1nger · 15/12/2011 19:56

Good luck, Ellen. Social housing is notoriously difficult to access. It's good you've got a solicitor fighting your corner.

Feminine · 15/12/2011 20:14

I suspect you will get on that list soon.

There are folk on there with less need , a need all the same obviously :)

And at least one bed flats are easier to come by than houses Wink

Let us know how you get on...

Original poster
EllenandBump · 15/12/2011 20:28

I hope they do soon. I would apparently have to be put into a 2 bedroom place cos of my 18month old, permanently living with me. I hope that they will help me. My solicitor (claire who is wonderful) is pushing for a decision before christmas, which is fantastic, so at least i will know where i am going. x

OP posts:
GlueSticksEverywhere · 15/12/2011 20:44

I don't know about them giving you a 2 bed place. They would expect you and your dc to share.

Original poster
EllenandBump · 15/12/2011 20:49

the council in northampton put us down for a two bedroom when i was pregnant, and evicted and thats what we got, in fact you are only elligible to bid for certain properties and we couldnt bid for anything other than 2 beds. Seems bexley council seem to be the same there too. But would just be glad to have a front door of my own. x

OP posts:
GlueSticksEverywhere · 15/12/2011 20:50

slavetofilofax Perhaps you could apply for a job and save up for a deposit on a place if living with your Mum is so bad. Where did you work before you had the baby? There's a lot to be said for taking responsibility for yourself and your children instead of expecting it all to be handed to you on a plate.

Wow talk about a lack of sympathy and understanding! How do you think that's going to work? The OP would need a job which paid enough to cover all her expenses, rent to her mum, bills, the amount of benefits her mum would lose if she were working, childcare for her 18 month old and you still think she would have enough left over to save for a deposit? Plus she has epilepsy which may complicate things and which jobs she could do. Add to that the fact that she has PND which she is struggling to recover from and she's just left an abusive relationship . . . do you really think she'll necessarily feel strong enough to deal with a full time job and all that it involves? PND is a serious mental illness you know! Hmm

Original poster
EllenandBump · 15/12/2011 20:51

But that is just looking at the website, as did when working out LHA, they give you it by the week and by bedrooms. so wanted to check what i would be elligible for. x

OP posts:
GlueSticksEverywhere · 15/12/2011 20:51

Oh ok. It's just because a friend of mine lives in a 2 bed and has an 11 year old girl and a 5 year old boy and the council won't house them in a bigger place.

Original poster
EllenandBump · 15/12/2011 21:04

They should have to but i dont think that it is until the girl reaches 12, apparently, it is fine for siblings to share until the eldest is 12 or is it 10, not sure on that. Thank you for being so supportive. Has your friends spoken to shelter? ONLY they are amazing or DHA's number direct is 0845 456 5985. They are really pushing the council to make a decision before chrsitmas and to take a formal housing application. x

OP posts:
AuntieDoris · 15/12/2011 21:11

Can I just ask, what on earth has it got to do with anything whether the health visitor can have children of her own?