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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About my new health visitor?

258 replies

EllenandBump · 14/12/2011 19:55

I carefully explained to her today the situation. Currently my son is 18months and sleeping in a travel cot, which i am worried that he will eventually climb out of and what did she tell me, when he does, just put a mattress on the floor for him, HELLOOOOO. I then explained, it was my sisters room, and has full length glass on the wardrobe doors and bedside tables and she told me to put CLING FILM over it, like thats really going to help. Surely its dangerous to leave him to just run around in there on his own? If i had said it surely they would have been onto social services!!! I am sure she couldnt have had children of her own btw

OP posts:
Kayano · 14/12/2011 22:03

I don't think anyone mentioned the epilepsy? My cousin has it too. It's not good Sad hers got worse after she had her baby

I don't think people are being hard but we think she is taking it out on the wrong person Sad

Original poster
EllenandBump · 14/12/2011 22:12

I do ahve epliepsy, which is mostly controlled. Maybe i am taking out on the wrong person, but she just said, oh i think your doing okay, i obviously explained the abusive relationship etc that a letter would help, with another reason to stay in the borough etc. I suppose my midwife was soooo amazing, she phoned relevant organizations as a midwife to push environmental health to do something about the state the property was in with mould and damp through a leaking roof, which the landlord refused to fix, that i thought it was part of their job. Now i realise just what an amazing helpful midwife she was. x

OP posts:
PeppaPigandGeorge · 14/12/2011 22:20

If you want a letter of support from your HV, all she can comment upon are issues within her professional remit. Whilst I have sympathy with you for the abusive relationship, it has nothing to do with the HV and it would be inappropriate for her to write a letter of support because of this. If her professional opinion is that your son is fine in his cot, then it would be wholly unprofessional for her to try to seek to divert Council tax funds to your cause rather than someone else's.

BertieBotts · 14/12/2011 22:38

Council should put you on the list anyway, I thought anyone could join? Although it will be a lot longer wait if you are not technically homeless.

I hope your money stuff comes through soon. I know saving is hard work but I think it's your ticket out of there, in the meantime, just don't leave your DS unaccompanied in that room. FWIW we had a glass topped coffee table when DS was tiny and he banged all sorts on it and it never broke.

PeppaPigandGeorge · 14/12/2011 22:42

Yes, bertie, anyone can join the housing list. If the OPis actually homeless in priority need and not intentionally homeless then the Council have a duty to house her. I sense this is not the case here as it certainly wouldn't take 6 months as has been suggested to her. Seriously, Council's aren't out to get people. In genuine homelessness cases involving kids, people are housed fairly quickly.

BertieBotts · 14/12/2011 22:55

It can still take a few months though, even if you're in temporary accommodation. It's not that councils are out to get people, it's that there is no money and nowhere to put them. If they say that she is able to stay where she is then the priority will be lower, sadly, but when you have someone in a refuge or a B&B who is also waiting 6 months + then they're going to prioritise them over someone who has an actual house, even if that house is cramped.

If the rent in her area is around £700 I would take a guess that social housing will be in short supply.

BreeVanDerTramp · 14/12/2011 22:56

If you are going to be in regular contact with this new HV and your first meeting has not gone as you had hoped perhaps you could keep a list of things you would like to discuss with her? It is clear that you feel your PND is more important than your periods (and I'm sure that is correct) but just be clear with her what you would like to discuss. If the PND is still an issue then bring it up - you have to take responsibility for your health and it is unlikely she will have read all your notes before meeting you. WRT housing then be clear of your expectations and what you would like her to write, I am aware of HV writing references for patients who are living in damp/squalid conditions but unsure of your individual situation so perhaps she is not best placed to help here?

Perhaps some advice from social security/benefits or social services - they may have a better idea of what you are entitled to? Housing often works on a points system so your LA would be able to advise you better than mumsnetters.

PeppaPigandGeorge · 14/12/2011 23:05

I think social housing is in short supply everywhere!!

olgaga · 14/12/2011 23:12

She's a health visitor, not a miracle worker, or a secret millionaire. For heaven's sake!

Seriously, it's not safe to co-sleep? Don't you have your own room? My daughter slept on a futon mattress on the floor for a while when she was first walking - it was fine. Can't you just put a mattress on the floor of your room? Why is he left alone in there to run around? Don't you have a baby monitor?

You can't sleep with your son, but nevertheless you are struggling to sleep. How will you manage on your own with him? No doubt that's why she doesn't feel you need a "letter".

It sounds like you're both safer where you are.

Ihatepeas · 14/12/2011 23:14

Turn ds"s grow bag inside out. It's a bit fiddly to get on but he will shouldn't be able to get it off during the night, this should also stop him climbing. Hth.

Bewilderedmum · 14/12/2011 23:23

Practically speaking, when Ds2 was 18 mos - I lived in a tiny cottage, where he shared a bedroom with his older brother (7 at the time)

Ds2 had a big cot - and used to shin out of it chortling away madly, and stand at the stairgate barking like a dog. I have a lovely picture of him hoofing it out of his cot somewhere though....

I decided to buy the boys 'Shortie bunkbeds', with oldest on top, and ds2 on bottom. I got a bed-guard to stop him rolling out of it in his sleep, and the first three weeks were hard work, cos he kept getting up after being 'settled'. And barking indignantly at the stairgate. The bedguard was just to stop him rolling out, and was no match for a determined away toddler with form for climbing heights

I did the old sitting by his bed, and silently returning him each time he climbed out with a huge beam on his face!. Once he started to get the message, and stay put, I moved gradually away to sitting by the door, the top of the stairs etc. After 3 weeks, he was settling with me going straight downstairs, and not getting out...

Re the mirror - you know - the boys had one fixed to the wall in their bedroom, and I'm a crap parent! Cos although we had socket covers etc - the mirror bit never occured to me! They never came to any harm though - I got a bit tired of wiping the slobber/kiss marks off it - but some of that adhesive film would be a good idea.

I think what your HV said regarding the bed and mirror was reasonable - but obviously you came into it with different expectations - I hope you get things sorted x

ggirl · 14/12/2011 23:29

christ who would want to be be a health visitor?

himynameisfred · 14/12/2011 23:48

Ellen,
your health visitor is certainly there to ask about your physical and mental health, as well as the baby's.

She's not a housing officer, she's a health visitor.

Can you be clear and call her and say 'I need you to write a letter for me to help me to get rehoused' 'you need to write that It's over-crowded, which it certainly is, and is causing us stress, etc'?
Be very direct about what you need, she maybe stressed and overworked herself, so needs telling.

Step 2;
get to the childrens' centre and ask for a family support worker.
If they faff around, call and ask again, until you get one.

Having a dog is a big commitment, like having another baby, they need toilet training and have you considered how you'd walk a dog while having two babies on your own?
Maybe an alarm system is better.
Womens aid can advise you on getting help with alarms, after being a victim of DV.

Sadly, if your mums gives a kicking out date, you may end up in a hostel and bringing a newborn baby back to a hostel, which is unsuitable and depressing, and you'd risk losing any hope of housing all together if you didn't stay there 5 days a week.
Social services would likely be on your back too if you were in a hostel in your situation.

I would get your toddler a little bed for safety resons, and of course, child proof the bedroom you sleep in.

Most importantly you need a childrens' centre family support worker right now to advise you on all that's available for you and to be your first port of call for advise on everything.

Take care

BreeVanDerTramp · 14/12/2011 23:54

fred great advice given although I don't think that the OP is pregnant? I may have missed that though. I was also concerned about a 'kicking out date' leading to unsuitable accomodation such as hostel, in our LA it would be a B & B or cheap hotel - not a nice situation for a family Sad

himynameisfred · 15/12/2011 00:07

Oh my mistake, if Ellen is not pregnnt then at least that makes things a LOT easier, phew.

About the concern over the tot stripping off, get a room thermometer.

My little rascals kick covers off, especially the mini one, same age as yours, so I just keep the room at 21c for comfort.
With an electric heater in there, so I'm not paying for the whole house being that warm.
18c is apparently ideal, but that always seems cold to me! for a babe who will not keep covers on.

himynameisfred · 15/12/2011 00:09

not nice for babies to be in hostels, no :/

PeppaPigandGeorge · 15/12/2011 00:11

Fred - 18 degrees??!! My heating comes on as a backstop at 12 degrees during the night. The thermostat is set to 16 degrees during the day, and I am far from claiming homelessness!!

staylucky · 15/12/2011 00:12

Hi ellen, would like to suggest that you contact your local councillors and MP for additional help with rehousing. In my experience they are usually more than happy to visit you, note your concerns and help with a letter of recomendation.

JinglePosyPerkin · 15/12/2011 00:14

Maras2. Not when the HV has come to see you & your 18 month old, no. With a newborn, possibly - as a way of assessing if your body has "returned to normal" as it were. What answer would she be looking for? Confused

himynameisfred · 15/12/2011 00:20

peppapig
I would be concerned about having such a cold house, it can affect your health badly.

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/5372296.stm

PeppaPigandGeorge · 15/12/2011 00:27

Interesting report Fred.... except I am in my 30s, so not elderly, I hope!!

saladsandwich · 15/12/2011 00:30

hi

i think your hv's advice was ok tbh, also wouldnt have thought it odd for them to mention periods if they've looked at your notes and seen PCOS....

my health visitor has been great, done me a letter, found info out for me but councils find ways of wriggling out of housing you where they can. the letter my hv wrote was fantastic but it hasnt helped getting rehoused on the council, i had a drs letter too.

you need to be looking realistically at private let or housing association lets. ring the council, find the Local housing allowance out, you will be able to apply for a budgetting loan that you pay back interest free to cover rent in advance, try a comunity care grant for household stuff and its usually the council that does the bond schemes and im sure you have to be childless, shelter are the best bet with that.

goodluck

oreocrumbs · 15/12/2011 00:39

Could you rent privately and claim housing benefit instead of actually having a 'council' house, it would be quicker than waiting on the list. I'm not sure how it works in other areas but a lot of people do this around here (north east).

GlueSticksEverywhere · 15/12/2011 14:39

I suppose my midwife was soooo amazing, she phoned relevant organizations as a midwife to push environmental health to do something about the state the property was in with mould and damp through a leaking roof, which the landlord refused to fix, that i thought it was part of their job. Now i realise just what an amazing helpful midwife she was. x

Your midwife phoned environmental health for you?!?!?!

TroublesomeEx · 15/12/2011 14:58

Ellen may I ask how old you are?

There are mother and baby units that might be able to help (not all require SS referral). There are people there who can support you with all the concerns you have and a letter from them would stand you in very good stead in terms of being offered a council house.

They can offer good support and take some of the stress away that you are currently experiencing.